First meal together, not calling it a date, pay or not?

[i19]

Hey,

 

So I do this thing where I have lunch or dinner with a girl and although I don't call it a date, I think of it that way in my mind. I think the girl likes me and I like her.

 

In this situation, should I pay for the meal? Doing so would signal my romantic intentions, but it could also catch her off guard if she is not expecting the situation to be like that. I diid this recently and I think the girl did not like that (though maybe she didn't like me heh). If I fail to pay, though, does that mean that a girl who is interested in me thinks I am not interested in her.

 

Or more concisely, can I pursue a girl romantically but not pay for her, given that I have made no explicit indication or language implying romantic intentions?

 

-i19

[emilybravo]

Hey,

 

So I do this thing where I have lunch or dinner with a girl and although I don't call it a date, I think of it that way in my mind. I think the girl likes me and I like her.

 

In this situation, should I pay for the meal? Doing so would signal my romantic intentions, but it could also catch her off guard if she is not expecting the situation to be like that. I diid this recently and I think the girl did not like that (though maybe she didn't like me heh). If I fail to pay, though, does that mean that a girl who is interested in me thinks I am not interested in her.

 

Or more concisely, can I pursue a girl romantically but not pay for her, given that I have made no explicit indication or language implying romantic intentions?

 

-i19

 

Are you asking this because you don't want to pay or because you want to play it cool and not let her know your romantic intentions? I say step up and let her know you are interested (the logical thing to do since you're clearly interested). I also think you should pay especially if you were the one who initiated this "date." If things go well, take her on a few more dates and pay on those too. She should try to pay after that. Just my dos centimos.

[anxeo]

if you are interested why wouldn't you want to take the lead and make it known? typically woman like that. and it's kind of a no brainer for the first date or few dates the man should pay, it's just kind of the way things are. how ever how the goes down could tell you many things about the girl. if she just EXPECTS you to pay with out offering to even pay half the check then i'd say the chick is pretty shady and probably things she's little miss princess that needs to be pampered. if she offers i'd say that is a good sign, you should still pay it though even if she offers since that shows character, still just the fact she offered to pay just makes her cool.

[DN]

I suggest paying for the first. Hopefully she will offer to pay her share which you can decline. If she doesn't offer to pay next time or the time after then you have the problem of deciding if she is a gold-digger or not. It will make it much easier if she does not take advantage of you as it can be difficult to tell. Generally, women who don't want to appear to be gold-diggers make sure they step up to the plate early rather than later.

[Princess123]

I'm the type of girl who rather go dutch. It is always a sweet gesture for a guy to offer to pay though. It depends on how you were raised and what your beliefs are! Some people rather have the man always pay, some rather alternate, (if a couple and the guy is broke the girl), and some rather go dutch.

[i19]

thanks guys. i'll pay. that is what I was planning to do. really I only had a reservation because the last girl I did it with reactived negatively (perhaps since it wasn't called a date).....an anomaly I suppose.

[jaysmaury]

Always insist on paying when it is just you and a woman, regardless of the romantic or friendly situation. If it is one of those rare situations where she is just one of those girls that needs to pay or else she will be offended then she will make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to pay (to the point of just annoying the crap out of you or causing a big scene in the restaurant). In that case, acquiesce to her demands and thank her politely.

 

However, the vast majority of women will probably reach for their purse or say "Are you sure?" or "Let me pay" to which you respond - "Don't worry about it. My pleasure."

 

Trust me - it keeps the universe in balance.

[Mellie]

Or more concisely, can I pursue a girl romantically but not pay for her, given that I have made no explicit indication or language implying romantic intentions?

 

-i19

 

I don't understand this part. How can you pursue a girl romantically, but not?

 

Is this like, you go out on a date, but if you realise you don't like her, you don't have to pay for her right? No point wasting money trying to butter her up when you don't want it to go anywhere?

 

If that's the case, what I'd do is work out whether you like her before the date, then save yourself the cost of your half too

 

If you like her, first date, offer to pay. She should offer to stump up her half. Say no it's ok. If she offers again, say no. If she offers a third time, maybe (guess it depends how much you like her and her reaction to you declining). I think it's kind of chivalrous for the guy to get the first one though. If I wasn't interested in a guy, however, I wouldn't even let him buy me a drink (I wouldn't want him thinking I was somehow beholdent to him).

 

She should offer though, at least once. And after the first date, I'd always go dutch.

 

And if you don't like her, I guess it doesn't really matter how she feels about going halfsies if you're not going to be seeing her again (she should be expecting this anyway).

[mactownman]

Always insist on paying when it is just you and a woman, regardless of the romantic or friendly situation. If it is one of those rare situations where she is just one of those girls that needs to pay or else she will be offended then she will make it IMPOSSIBLE for you to pay (to the point of just annoying the crap out of you or causing a big scene in the restaurant). In that case, acquiesce to her demands and thank her politely.

 

However, the vast majority of women will probably reach for their purse or say "Are you sure?" or "Let me pay" to which you respond - "Don't worry about it. My pleasure."

 

Trust me - it keeps the universe in balance.

 

The truth. If you like this girl, you should definitely pay. She may be polite and offer to split it or something, but you must insist. It should be your pleasure. Like the above poster, I always offer to pay when I am dining with a lady. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

[Alezia]

If you want to go forward with this romantically (which by this post you seem to do), you can either pay or let her know of your intentions of dating. Don't let a loose friendship situation carry on for too long, else she will assume you are not interested in more (and then after 5 dates you will be surprised when she tells you she isn't)

[FathomFear]

The truth. If you like this girl, you should definitely pay. She may be polite and offer to split it or something, but you must insist. It should be your pleasure. Like the above poster, I always offer to pay when I am dining with a lady. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

 

I think it's associated with traditionally masculinity because it wasn't all that long ago in our history when men were the usually the only ones who had actual finances. That's not really relevant in this day and age, though, but some people still find it quaint to go along with it as if it were.