From the internet to real life - didnt work =(

[nyprincess]

So I met a guy on an online dating site in early August, and due to so many conflicts in our schedules, we finally decided to meet last weekend. We live in different states and had been communicating pretty much daily for the past 6 weeks via text and phone call. Suffice it to say, I was really having a bigtime crush on him and started to develop feelings. He said the same and we both were very excited to finally meet and the prospect of it turning into a serious relationship.

 

During the course of this time, we exchanged several pictures. I sent him a new one of myself pretty much every couple of days during the 6 weeks. Most of them were face shots but a good many were full-bodied as well.

 

Things got physical fast day 1 of the 2 days I was staying there, but by day 2 it was clear as day the meeting didnt go well. I happened to like him very much but I totally got the vibe that he didnt. He seemed distant and uninterested and I just felt awkward and uncomfortable. While therewere a few things that I disliked about him... it was nothing I couldnt overlook if he wanted to take the relationship to another level.

 

Last night we finally talked about where we stand, and he said he felt really misled by my pictures. When pressing him for clarification, he says 'you sent me old pictures of yourself.' I was honestly so shocked and so upset I couldnt believe he said that. No, the pictures are not old, a few were from 2-3 months ago at the most and he knew that, but the rest were all webcam pics or pics taken from my phone the day I would send them.

 

The way he said it seemed like he was so disgusted and when I protested incredulously at his accusation he really didn't seem to believe it.

 

He then proceeded to ask me if I felt with a few adjustments this could work out, and I just told him the ball is in his court and he could choose to do whatever. I was upset and felt ashamed for some reason and didnt want to feel like I was begging to be with him by saying YES YES it can work when maybe really he was just trying to let me down nicely.

 

I feel so embarassed and really so hurt and rejected by the way he said everything and ended it. He tried to say he was going to sleep and that he would call me back today, but i insisted and said NO, JUST END IT AND LETS MOVE ON WITH LIFE. DONT MAKE ME WAIT TILL TOMORROW. He said well I really want us to still be friends and that he would text me and whatnot to check up on me and I told him not to bother, as I wont be answering. (Dont really see a point in staying phone friends when we live so far apart and will probably never see each other again.) I wished him luck and all the best, he didnt say it back and said bye and hung up. He seemed pissed off, I dont get WHY since obviously he was disappointed by what he saw. I just dont get what he wants because he told ME that he felt used by me and thought that I was being mean to him ever since we met and that he really likes me.... but then he comes out with this stuff.

 

 

I have a feeling he was just being weird on purpose to give me the hint so he wouldnt have to do the dirty work and I would back off on my own.

 

I know sometimes I look better in real life than in pictures but this is the first time Im hearing my pictures look better than I do and its made me sick to my stomach.

 

I could stand to lose a few extra pounds which Ive put on due to a hormonal imbalance but my facial features are not something Ive ever had complaints about and now I'm starting to honestly freak out and doubt myself. I dont have the best self esteem and have issues with body image and this is has just really slammed me hard. I literally cried all night last night because I just feel like such an ugly blob and realize that this world and the people that live in it only value others for what they look like and not for whats inside. I'm by no means obese, I wear a size 10 and am very tall, but gosh just the fact that he was average and considered me not good enough is killing me inside.

 

Just needed to vent

[DN]

What a total jerk. You are far better off without him.

[Smile12]

Wow I am so sorry! Keep your head up.. he doesn't deserve you anyway!

[elcie]

Don't let the immature opinion of one person affect the way you feel about yourself. One of the great things about this forum, is that you find out that people are very different in who they find attractive. There was one thread in which a few men expressed the opinion that they liked curvy women more than slim women.....so you see, there's no need to take the reaction of this jerk seriously.

 

There will be plenty of guys out there who will like you just the way you are.

[aminaSa]

woow....what a jerk ,,,he has some issues..you shouldnt care what he says..he is NOT normal

[Princess123]

Don't worry some guys are idiots. If you compare like 3-10 of my pictures taken on the same day or even within a weeks span it looks like I have 3-10 fraternal sisters. I do not look the same in any of my pictures. If the chemistry and initial liking for each other just isn't there, nothing you can do. I honestly think he just took a cheap shot at your looks because to him it may have been an easier thing to do. Look on the bright side you didn't like a few things about him anyways and if things ended up okay you would have been settling. I'm glad you handled it the way you did and aren't speaking to him.

[somethngwrng]

His own looks don't even come into the equation ("average"), he is just a really superficial person and you should be happy you found out so quickly. He sounds like a massive jerk. Don't feel bad about yourself because of some moron who can't see past "a few extra pounds".

[nyprincess]

The thing is though, he himself told me he doesnt want a skinny girl, he likes girls with meat and thick thighs (which is where I store all my fat - classic pear shape).... all this was known to him. He freakin saw my pictures too!!! What gives??? I swear he told me like 30 million times he's not superficial and then he comes out with this. He himself lied about his freakin height yet I didnt flip out or freak over that because some things are just not worth getting worked up over when other things compensate for it. Meh..

 

I just feel horrible, I wish he had come up with some other excuse other than my appearance.....I've been put down for my weight by my ex.... when I first started getting sick and thats when he cheated on me like crazy with any and everything that moved...and told me about it and said he doesnt want me anymore because I'm not attractive to him. We broke up because of that very reason.... he started getting verbally abusive, literally spat on me and called me a pig, and then once things were over stalked me just to beat me in broad daylight.... got a restraining order but thats another story. This brings me back to that despite me having lost the weight I just feel like I'm never good enough for anyone and it freakin SUCKS.

 

I get plenty of attention in my day-to-day life but never from the guys that I could see myself with (and not just because I'm not attracted to them, but because coming from a strict religion and cultural background I know that it could never be anything serious). I just hate that I wasted 6 weeks of my life pinning hopes on someone only to have it all dashed with my looks being slammed as well.

 

*sad*

[Princess123]

It's really not you. He is just not a real man or someone worth your time. Don't waste anymore energy being upset over a douche bag like him. I'm sure your a very beautiful girl and person. Next time someone closer so you don't waste so much time. He missed out on a you and I'm sure your a great person. His loss not yours. Don't take what he says to heart because I'm sure you are very beautiful.

 

Besides he probably saw you and was like oh I can't handle a real woman like her. Took a cowards way out.

[Smile12]

I think what he was saying is that he wasn't into the fact that you've got some extra pounds and most likely the pictures you sent him didn't really show you to be all that overweight and even though you didn't mean to be intentionally deceitful he didn't expect you to look quite the way you did. The good news is that weight is something you can change. Refocus your upsetment into doing what is necessary to drop a few dress sizes and be glad that he made you aware of the need to work on yourself.

 

Seriously? I am sorry - I am not at all trying to start and argument.. but I cannot believe you said this to her. You think she needs to reevaluate herself and drop a few dress sizes because some JERK HEAD thinks so?... UM NO. She needs to do what makes HER happy.

[OptomisticGirl]

What a jerk.

 

You ARE good enough for someone, you just haven't found him yet.

[nyprincess]

I think what he was saying is that he wasn't into the fact that you've got some extra pounds and most likely the pictures you sent him didn't really show you to be all that overweight and even though you didn't mean to be intentionally deceitful he didn't expect you to look quite the way you did. The good news is that weight is something you can change. Refocus your upsetment into doing what is necessary to drop a few dress sizes and be glad that he made you aware of the need to work on yourself.

 

Maybe you're right. But the thing is he saw me in a bikini picture and then he saw me in real life..... how can he be so confused by a bikini picture.... either he would like it or he wouldnt, no? I just didnt get it.

 

hopefully the doses of my medication help out and I stop putting weight on.... once all my hormones stabilize I tend to lose 15-20 lbs just like that without any effort in any given month... but then it shoots up again anytime my body gets whacky (i have pcos) when my hormones are a mess I could run for an hour and a half 5 times a week on the treadmill and it will LITERALLY make no difference. If there are any ladies on here that suffer from PCOS they know what I'm talking about. Its just so so hard!

[OptomisticGirl]

SHE said it in her very first post. I am just supporting her feelings that she's put on extra weight and she'll feel better about herself and be more successful in meeting guys if she makes the effort to be more attractive, that's all.

 

Women who yo-yo with weight - I know, I'm one of them - are NEVER okay with their bodies. They could lose 50 pounds and still find things wrong themselves.

[Smile12]

SHE said it in her very first post. I am just supporting her feelings that she's put on extra weight and she'll feel better about herself and be more successful in meeting guys if she makes the effort to be more attractive, that's all.

 

I understand that - but the feeling that I got from her post is that she is happy with herself, but now she is questioning herself because of this guy. In her second post she stated that she has lost most of the extra pounds. I just don't think she needs to reevaluate herself because one guy said something negative to her. I mean, if we all lived our life trying to please every one else - this would be a sad, sad world.

[Ariel85]

He's a douchebag!

 

So, he slept with you (or at least got physical) and THEN he decided he wasn't into you physically?

 

At least you were a lady and didn't mention his underwhelming penis. You still could, though.

[aminaSa]

He's a douchebag!

 

So, he slept with you (or at least got physical) and THEN he decided he wasn't into you physically?

 

At least you were a lady and didn't mention his underwhelming penis. You still could, though.

 

 

HAHA,exactly!

[DN]

OK - let's have a dose of reality here.

 

First - we have established that he is a jerk. That isn't important, there are plenty of jerks out there, both men and women.

 

Second - you feel horrible about yourself. Now that is important so let's address that: Never, ever, let one person's opinion bring you down. Don't let them bring you unduly up either. You don't need other people to validate you or to make you feel good or bad about yourself.

 

It's what you think that matters.

 

Here's another truth. You aren't perfect. No one is. Perfection is a myth brought about these days by Photoshop and make-up. What matters more to people who will matter to you is whether they are attracted not just by how you look but also by who you are and what you are like.

 

So don't put yourself down because that will make you unattractive. Get out there and knock 'em dead. You can do it.

[annie24]

Last night we finally talked about where we stand, and he said he felt really misled by my pictures. When pressing him for clarification, he says 'you sent me old pictures of yourself.' I was honestly so shocked and so upset I couldnt believe he said that. No, the pictures are not old, a few were from 2-3 months ago at the most and he knew that, but the rest were all webcam pics or pics taken from my phone the day I would send them.

 

I suspect he had a 'vision' of what you would be like in his head and was kind of disappointed when you did not live up to it. it's easy to do, when you are talking for so long to each other before meeting. haven't you ever had a situation where you've looked at photos of say, an apartment or a city online, and then you get there and it is different than you imagined? that all said, i think that maybe he is a jerk and kind of tactless. no point in staying friends. i recommend meeting someone online within 2 weeks of the initial contact, but i understand in your case, it couldn't have been helped.

[In the Dark]

He wanted sex regardless of what you looked like first off.

 

After this he decided to tell you he didn't like the way you look even after sending him pictures of yourself.

That's about it really.

 

He should have had a clear idea of your physical appearance from the amount of photos he had shown you.

 

By the sounds of things this idiot was just looking to get laid by someone who has genuine feelings for him.

[superfox]

Hang on here, I don't think this has anything to do with your looks or your weight and he's pushing his own insecurities onto you so he doesn't feel bad about himself, what a diddums.

 

Facts here.

1) you mentioned that you are very tall. This does not translate in pictures!

2) you said he lied about his height.

 

So basically I would stake my house on him having a Napoleon complex and he can't get over the fact you're taller than him! He liked what he saw in photos (and I'm the same as you, better in real life).

[Realitynut]

Yeah, tall and size 10 is not too big~~~heck, I would NEVER send a guy a pic of me in a bikini, or even wear one for that matter! But I do think of myself, as I feel guys view me. I had a guy tell me, "Don't ever get too skinny or too tan"!! LOL (I'm fat and was trying to lose weight) and also I was going to the tanning bed. The owner let me tan 10 times for free cuz I was never turning tan! LOL So I told him, don't worry, I'll never be too thin or too tan!

 

Then my ex, that is what he liked...thin and TAN!!! Sheesh...after one year of dating him (and some weight gain from "happy eating') he made a comment. I felt so awful about myself, I didn't want him to see me naked. I started putting a towel around me in the bathroom. I KNOW I don't look good, but if a guy loves you enough that in HIS eyes you look good, your fears are diminished. I told my ex one time...It took R a year to help me feel good about my body, and it took you a year to make me feel like crap about my body. Yes, I know we should be happy with ourselves, but if we are not, it sure would be nice to have your man tell you you are beautiful anyway.

 

Sorry for the rant. It's just size 10 is NOT big! I tell any guy I meet, they can say anything they want about me, but don't ever talk about my weight. I had a bf tell me one time when I was 118 pounds that I looked like a beach ball with arms and legs! He wasn't a nice guy! So yeah, I'm insecure...Jerky guys!

 

Last night I had a guy friend I've know for many years through his mom. He's my age and on pof.(a dating site) He's thin and wants only a thin woman. He asked me last night ,"is it wrong that I'm not interested in a fat woman? No offense to you!"

 

I thought "thanks"

[nyprincess]

Thanks to everyone for their replies.

 

The thing that bothered me the most besides being rejected based on my looks was the feeling of being used. I mean he obviously knew he didnt like me so why turn it into something physical? I feel gross about it.

 

He has apologized to me via text for making me feel bad about myself and I said its ok no hard feelings because the truth is im not going to cry over him or this the rest of my life and I have no intention of retaliating and telling him I was disappointed by the size of him and other things that I did feel or wonder to myself about, but since I dont like hurting people I wont say it. How things went about between us....stung alot, tears have been shed but now its time to move on.

 

 

The only bad part is that its left me wondering and almost wanting to question him that if i were to lose the extra lbs would he want to be with me? Not because I would actually pursue it or anything but for some reason I would like to know. Good idea to ask, or no?

 

Im a complex individual, I know *sigh*

[DN]

It is totally understandable that what he said bit you. But don't let that bring you down and make you feel you are not attractive.

[HeartGoesOn]

The only bad part is that its left me wondering and almost wanting to question him that if i were to lose the extra lbs would he want to be with me? Not because I would actually pursue it or anything but for some reason I would like to know. Good idea to ask, or no?

 

No, don't sink to his level. There are plenty of men who would be happy see you as more than just a body, as well as looking for other qualities that truly matter.

[superfox]

It's your height and him lying about his. Don't turn this into you thinking you need to lose a few pounds. He LIED on his profile. You didn't. YOU have the upper hand here.