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Starting to realize it may not ever get better.


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I had to say goodbye to my husband YET again. He left on the ship for 3 weeks training. I went and spent his last night with him.

 

WELL. There was a little catastrophe, he was supposed to have over night liberty, so he could stay with me, but he texted bout 7 pm and said he got put on duty. I got really upset when he told me that, but it all got worked out - thanks to his Supervisor (YES, the same one from my previous threads). She called him to let him know he was good to go and when he needed to return to the ship. He said, "thank you mamma - I'll bring you lunch tomorrow." Mamma - really??? Not only do you NOT call another woman "mamma", but I just didn't like his tone when he said it. BUT for the sake of keeping the peace and not fighting with him before he left, I swallowed it and we went on with our night. Had a good night.

 

Fast forward to the next day. We get her lunch and then we went shopping for a few things that he needed. He went to the bathroom and when he got back from the bathroom he was acting weird and then he told me that she texted him and asked him to get her lotion and hairsrpay. OK *heart dropped* What...lotion and hairspray??? That's a little personal. I'm thinking...you aren't her man, that's a little personal...what's next tampons??? So he got mad at me for letting it bother me. Telling me he can't believe I am insecure and jealous of her - that she is like his mom. Um, do you talk to your mom like that?? She's 30 - not 60, she's not like your mom. That's a cop out. He told me that I just need to get used to it because she's his boss and they are friends. As if he owes her favors for getting him out of duty. No - that's her job as his supervisor. I don't know - it just doesn't sit well with me and I feel there needs to be boundadies. He didn't even TRY to understand why it bothered me. He just said nothing is happening and nothing will happen. I don't know how much I believe that. He sticks up for her a lot.

 

So that was our goodbye. And I am left to sit with this for 3 weeks. Part of me thinks I overreacted, but then I think no, I don't think if he'd like me calling my male boss "daddy" or buying him personal items. Am I overreacting?? Cause to me - it's getting a little out of hand.

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ummmm... your instincts are telling you something. listen. and whenever a man has "defended" another woman over me, i knew it was time to say adios. no man should make the woman he is with (and married to at that!!) feel like she is second fiddle to any woman!! thirty is not old. listen to your instincts!! time to stop swollowing rot and have a really hard conversation with your husband. either he wants to be with YOU, or he doesn't. sorry i'm so blunt. ((((hugs)))

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its simply not professional to ask a man to buy you lotion and shampoo, hairspray, ANY personal item!!!!! there is something VERY VERY personal going on there. beyond the boundaries of ANY professional relationship. please listen to your gut instincts♥♥♥!!!!! i don't care HOW MUCH she has helped him!! and what woman who KNOWS that a man respects and loves his wife would ever ask him to pick up personal items for her, and clearly she expects that he will do it!!???unless it really is his momma!!!!!??????!!!! yeah, he talks to her alright, and i'll bet, sorry, that you don't come accross as looking too favorable in those conversations. he needs to be dumped. i'm so sorry. i read some of your other posts, and he sounds like a doozy!

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I'm sorry to hear this, and I can't imagine how you must feel. Clearly he should be taking steps to prove that he's being sincere, and respect the fact that he needs to re-gain your trust after he cheated on you back in October.

 

It sounds like you have to look ahead and make a decision, sooner or later.

 

All the best...

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Exactly, why would she even feel comfortable enough to EXPECT that he would get the items for her? Comfortable enough to even ASK? I wouldn't ask another married wife (especially when I KNEW he was with his wife) to go pick me up lotion & hairspray. Really, who does that?

 

He told me that she only asked him because she couldn't get off the ship (which I believe) and there was no one else to ask to do it (which I don't believe). He's not her man. She shouldn't feel like she can ask him to do things liike that. If it's work related - sure, but personal items is pushing it. He tried justifying it by saying it's a little different in the Military world then the civillian world. They do spend a lot of time together (and in close quarters for months on end) and yes, they do rely on each other (in a different way) and develop "closer" relationships, but he's married. Find someone else to be your "personal assistant."

 

And why would he call her "mamma"... it makes me sick. The "shop mamma" my ass.

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What would his life on the ship be like if he refused? Do you think they are having a relationship?

 

Well, I don't imagine life would be so good if he refused, she is his Supervisor and out ranks him. He did mention that he is trying to get on everyone's good side, so they help him out with his Military career. He's hoping that she will help get him off the ship early too.

 

I don't think they are having a relationship. I do however think they are a little too close. I don't think she should be calling on him for that stuff. But he doesn't agree with me and see's nothing wrong with it. They will be on the ship for 6 months together and I don't know, a lot could happen. He got mad when I asked if he was attracted to her. He said no, but he got mad. He said that she is very professional and respects our marriage. Well, if she didn't *like* him, there would be nothing to respect because it wouldn't even be a factor. I think they maybe could like each other...

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Hi live, You said, "Um" and HeartGoesOn said, you said he cheated on you in previous thread.

 

I say "Um" too. Where there is smoke, there's fire. You're avoidence and his deeds will lead to the failure of your marriage.

 

Buy James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" New hope for marriages in crisis. Ignore the title... it's not what you think. (Never let him see this book!)

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No disrespect intended. But,

 

I looked back at your old posts. He had drunk sex with a prostitute that lasted two seconds. He buds must have been there doing the same. I know it’s a cheat but it’s also something more.

 

His friends are jerks. He gives away money, products and time.

 

Could it be your husband just a putz?

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