Having trouble going NC : (

[punkkat]

As the last measure, should have been the first, I need to go into complete NC and having so much trouble : (

 

Basically we broke up in February. The relationship ended because I went away for work and found myself back home not long after (3 weeks). He initiated getting back together only to end it 24 hours later. However he insisted on remaining friends. This stopped "working" for me after hanging out as platonic friends, every week, for 3 months. I told him I needed space so we ended up in limited contact, catching up occasionally, once a month or so.

 

I guess this is the last straw for me. 3 weeks ago he said he couldn't catch up due to being broke (after asking to see me) and how it'd have to be the following week. I was okay with this and assumed he'd contact me the following week and reschedule. 3 weeks pass and I haven't heard anything, and of course I go into panic mode and spend a week crying over it. But I stayed strong and didn't contact him. I finally get a text message which doesn't turn out to be for me. When he realised his mistake, he only THEN decides to make plans to see me. I agreed even though it didn't sit right with me. Like had he not messaged by mistake, would I have even heard from him?

 

I'm probably being ultra-sensitive but because I was hurt I cancelled on meeting up with him yesterday. I get no reply to this so end up calling to make sure he got my message, because the last thought I needed was him turning up and me not being there. On the phone he seemed a bit rude. I didn't even get a proper hello. He's never been like that before : ( He apparently didn't have credit to reply (usually he'd FB if that was the case). My voice was wavering a bit and he asked what was wrong. I tried to pass it off as nothing and said that I was just busy. He did say that maybe we could now meet up NEXT WEEK instead, and I STUPIDLY told him that I'd leave it up to him to contact me!! I don't want to do this! I don't even want the thought of will he or won't he?

 

Then last night I deactivated my FB because I don't have the strength to delete him. I'm worried he may think I've defriended him, but at the same time don't feel it's necessary to tell him I'm on FB vacation. This morning I reactivated and the first thing I did is look at his page. Then I deactivated again. Reasons for deactivating being that I can't control urges to keep tabs him and I spend a LOT of time using it for that reason : (

 

Apart from being a little abrupt on the phone yesterday, he has never been a jerk...during the relationship or after. It was actually a good relationship and he is a very kind person. But maybe it's a sign to just leave him alone.

 

I'm past wanting him back but I can't stop OBSESSING over him! The bottom line is I just want to be happy again. This has been a terrible year and I don't want to carry any burden into 2012! And to do that I think I need to cut him out of the picture completely because I've had enough : (

[endy]

Get the book getting past your breakup by Susan J. Elliot. Do not respond to anything anymore. Don't use ANY excuses, special dates etc to break NC. You control the breaking of NC not him anymore.

[punkkat]

I've read It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken and signed up at Baggage Reclaim for their email service. I'm pretty sure I can go without calling and texting him, because we haven't been in that much contact as it is. I just can't get past this FB thing!

[endy]

Disable your account, or delete him and anyone else you need to from FB. You HAVE to do that to go NC. Your mind is more powerful than you think. All it is... is clicking a button on a computer and then not allowing yourself to do it no matter what. Exercise that mind and have self control to do it. You're stronger than you think. It will do you nothing but harm. He isn't hurting you that way. You're choosing to let it hurt you.

[The Man Who]

Totally agree with Endy, I finally 5 days ago had the balls to de-activate my facebook account, even after the ex blocked me from seeing her profile(I never looked anyway) but she was logging on as her Mum to see what I was up to which defeated the purpose of blocking me in the first place. If you can manage no contact then the facebook part should be a cake walk for you. At the end of the day anyone that wishes to get in touch with you that's a friend no doubt has your email or mobile number anyway.

[punkkat]

I deactivated and reactivated my account 3 times in 12 hours! So I resorted to defriending (not blocked) and I tell myself I will be strong and not look at his page. I may deactivate again but for now I've removed the FB mobile app from my phone and plan to use the site less in real life. I'm treating this at my NC Day 1 and am aiming for the 1 month mark, then 2 month etc. I'm still too emotionally attached to him even though I've accepted we are over and I think that's a result of NOT having several months NC. I feel sooo awful right now : (