whatintheworld Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 Almost 2 years ago, I moved out of my family home to the city I was born in... Which happened to be in a different country as well, so that I could work. A couple weeks later I was raped, and thus started the most emotional rollercoaster I have ever been on. I had just started dating this amazing guy, and we are actually engaged now. I survived a whole year on my own and then moved back in with my parents because I couldnt handle it anymore. And a couple weeks after I moved back home I got the terrifying news that my rapist walked free because the judge thought his story was more believable... He didnt believe that I was 18 years old and a virgin. That I was an innocent, naive girl alone for the first time. I gained 60 pounds in the first 4 months after my rape, and started having nightmares. And he didnt believe that a 120 pound 5'4" girl couldnt fight off a 6'2" guy in an empty building.... I dont trust people anymore, the world isnt all sunshine and chances to be amazing... Here is the problem. I dont feel anything. I feel anger occaisionally at small stupid things. I rarely feel happy. Or sad. I am always tired. Nothing interests me anymore. Im getting married in 3 months to this amazing guy who I trust, but I have nightmares of being abandoned. I get scared at everything. Big crowds, empty rooms, talking on the phone, seeing policemen, staircases, people, especially tall white men... I cant talk to people, except my fiance, whom I dump everything on. Every joint in my body is usually sore, making me want to move slowly, and I have a headache 5 out of 7 days in a week. Someone sent me a smiley face on chat today... And it made me want to scream at the top of my lungs... But I never speak loudly... What is wrong with me? Link to comment
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