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Boyfriend lied about his gay past


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The "bi now, gay later" thing is a cliche but it has a ring of truth.

 

FathomFear - I think that most women run away because they don't like to be lied to or have their time wasted. The OP has clearly stated in this thread that her boyfriend is not sexually attracted to her - and to her body. He is NOT INTERESTED IN WOMEN. Men who are in relationships with women but cannot get aroused by them but can get aroused by men are GAY and their girlfriends are BEARDS. The truth is that society so rejects bisexual men that most men who claim bisexual are likely gay. Otherwise, they would easily just date women.

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Btw - it is not up to the OP to make her boyfriend "feel comfortable", it is up to both of them to come to an understanding that is right for them. If she is afraid (which she clearly is because she is posting about it) given that he has LIED TO HER, it is at least 50% on him to help her feel happy. 10 to 1 she goes back to him and more revelations come out. I bet there are more boyfriends and more affairs.

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I noticed you said that he was out to everyone but his parents. Perhaps he is forcing himself to be with a woman because he is trying to please them.

 

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me if my bf had been with men in the past, but it would absolutely bother me if our sex life was in trouble. Why is this okay with you? Don't you want a fulfilling sex life with someone? I can understand a sex life lacking after many years together, but you have only just started your relationship.

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His parents know now as he told them a few weeks ago when he thought we were breaking up. So his whole family knows - this helps as it would be easier for him to come out as gay now, if he was. I really don't think he is...why would he live a gay life for 4/5 years and then go back in the closet? He tells me that the reason he split with his ex was because he was getting stronger feelings towards girls...I need to believe that for our relationship to work.

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No, I don't completely believe that's why they broke up, for all I know, maybe his boyfriend broke up with him and that's why he hates talking about his past, I'll never know for sure unless I asked his ex which I cant really do haha

 

Our sex life is kind of getting better, I think he lacks a lot of confidence in this department because he's lack confidence in his sexuality.

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I'm not a big believer in bisexuality, I do think there is a Kinsey scale on sexual behavior, but as was pointed out earlier, behavior it is not a reflection of orientation. I want to put that aside for what I am going to say.

 

His past, all things considered equal shouldn't really be a big deal to you. He is with you in the present. You may even have discussed your sexual past to him, you may or may not have lied about certain things. Certain things may or may not have come to light later on, but with the emotional investment you both have, it is highly unlikely that it is a big deal. I have always kind of thought I was a serial monogamist, I'd be with a guy for 2-3 years and we'd break up and I'd find another guy. My sexual past was rarely an important issue. From time time it might have been a fun thing to talk about, or find out about from my partner.

 

From what I have read, whatever the truth is, whether bisexuality exists or not, it doesn't sound like you believe it, or able to move past this, and that is actually a more important issue.

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Thanks for your reply. I do agree with you, however, I think what I'm finding most difficult is that he wasn't bisexual. For 5/6 years, he believed himself to be 100% gay. I find it hard to get my head around that that has changed, how can he be not attracted to women, come out to all his friends, live as a gay man and then suddenly start to be attracted to women and prefer to be with them? Does that not mean he finds men more attractive to women? If he thought he was bisexual all this time, then I think it would have been a lot easier to get my head around it all.

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