Trying hard to be more open

[twentiesgirl86]

People have been advising me for a while to talk more, and be more open. Well, I've been remembering lately why I ended up being quiet around people. The same people who told me I need to be more open and talkative. Every time I try to add to the conversation, I get interrupted or people ignore what I am saying. This has been happening for years, so I gave up and started being quiet person after people wouldn't listen, when I mentioned that they were interrupting or ignoring me. This happened to me today, I was trying to add to the conversation because someone asked my opinion and I got interrupted so someone else could add their own input. And then I got angry and interrupted the very same person for interrupting me, and he flipped out on me and told me to get some manners.

 

So how the hell do you be more talkative in conversations if you get ignored, or interrupted, or people don't bother asking your opinions, or if you do add your opinion you get glared at because they didn't want to hear your opinion. And this happens with everyone, my friends, my family, my co-workers Everyone does it to me. And what do you do when you've brought it up to them a number of times that they do this to you, and they don't seem to care. I get a 'oh sorry,' and then it keeps happening again. I think this is why during my 20's I slowly became the quiet person I am now, because I got fed up with it. Yet people get pissy with me for being quiet. I can't win. I get people angry with me for being too quiet, and I get people being rude when I try to talk.

[Syntax1985]

I think you need to be more confident & controlling. The problem is at the moment people are telling you to be more talkative, but then they dont want to listen to what you have to say, because they dont respect it.

Think about what your going to say before you say it, make sure its valid, and pretty soon people will wait to hear your opinion.

[wheelerdealer]

I read somewhere not to speak unless you know the entire sentence in your head before hand. This makes sense I guess but seems sort of daunting. I think in your case it may just be a situation where your inexperience in conversation shows through whenever you talk. It might not be what your saying, but your timing and the way you actually say it, body language, and confidence, that are having people devalue what you're saying.

 

If this is the case it will probably just take practice. Try not to get freaked out if someone interrupts you in a conversation. Don't let that keep you from speaking up as the conversation progresses. These are just things I've been trying to keep in mind, I'm not great with convos at all, but learning. It's tough though for sure to go from quiet to starting to speak up. I think social patterns develop and roles develop when it comes to conversations and what people expect (especially in families.) It could be difficult, although possible, for you to change those perceptions.

 

Hope it improves!

[Daysie]

I read somewhere not to speak unless you know the entire sentence in your head before hand.

 

If this were the case, I may never speak again! Haha. My mouth runs a lot faster than my mind does... lol

[thejigsup]

To keep from being interrupted, you have to project confidence and power. Weak, uncertain speakers will almost always be interrupted. You have to learn how to capture people's attention and keep it. Once you do that, they will not interrupt you because they will be glued to what you are saying.

[twentiesgirl86]

I think you need to be more confident & controlling. The problem is at the moment people are telling you to be more talkative, but then they dont want to listen to what you have to say, because they dont respect it. That is

Think about what your going to say before you say it, make sure its valid, and pretty soon people will wait to hear your opinion.

That is pretty much just contradicting themselves then. What's the point in telling me they want me to talk more if they don't want to hear what I have to say and have no respect for it in the first place. Why complain at all then? I had it happen again today, which made me mad because after they interrupted me they asked me what my opinion was. Which I pointed out, "Hey if you hadn't interrupted I could ahve finished saying what I was saying," and then he said "Yeah I know, but I just thought of something and wanted to say it before I forgot."

 

I used to actually be very talkative before I was in my twenties and I was dominating in conversations but then once I was done High School and met more people it kind of went downhill. And my sister doesn't help at all. I barely see ym family so I go home once and a while and I want to talk about my life, but she gets all pissy because she wants to tell my mom the latest town gossip and tells me to shut up for a second. And then I never get a word in, which is something that has happened our whole lives. She has always spoken over me, and talked over me because she feels what she says is a lot more important what I do. And then she acts like one of those people who tell me to be more open. She was telling me that when she had me meet this guy to make sure I be open, but she wrecked it for me. Anytime he asked me about myself she would interrupt me and tell him about me instead and glare at me if I tried to say something even though it was supposed to be who answered. I don't think she means to though. She does it to everyone, so I don't think she realizes it.

 

But I think that's part of where the lack of conversation skills come from. We didn't hang out in the same social circle in High School but once we were done, we did up until a couple years ago when I moved.

[blueidealist24]

I know what you mean.. people used to do that to me too, but only certain groups of people.. it doesn't happen anymore, but I don't know why it stopped lol. I think when I was shy and first learning how to talk a lot with people, I interjected myself into the conversation at awkward times, kind of blurting stuff out and that's what people didn't like but for some reason I learned to let it flow more naturally recently.

[broghamzvatox]

I am still in exactly the same condition. But it often depends on the crowd. It is certainly a reflection of confidence and comfort.