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I really feel bad about this, please, NO JUDGEMENT.

gossip girl

By gossip girl
in Infidelity

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gossip girl Newbie

gossip girl

Posted
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Hi people! I am new to this forum and glad that I've found this. A million thanks to all of you in advance. I badly needed an advice about something that I am not vey proud of. So, instead of talking to a friend.. I think it would be better if I ask advice from other people whom I don't know personally.

 

Here's my story:

 

I am currently in a new relationship for 6 months now. I love my boyfriend now and we're happy. Everything is okay, absolutely. But prior to that, I was in a 4-year relationship with another guy. I broke up with him because things were not working out for both of us. I mean, we fight all the time. Haha.. But you see? We tried really to work it out.. It took us 4 long years but sadly we didn't succeed. That day when I'm breaking up with him, he literally begged for me not to leave him. But I know that we're not really meant to be.

 

 

So, 2 weeks ago.. we saw each other into a common friend's house. She's like throwing a house party so we had couple of drinks. This ex-boyfriend of mine was saying that time that he was over me and the like.. (well, that's good) He has a new girlfriend already btw. We slept over to our friend's house that night and things just got out of control. We almost had sex but when I remember how I love my boyfriend, I literally pushed him away. I feel really bad until now. I was tempted, I admit. Hey, I am only human.. But of course I know that its a very lame excuse. I can't fess up with my boyfriend what really happened that night cause I don't wanna lose him. I am really, really scared. What do I need to do?

 

And, the weird thing about this is, these past few days.. I keep on dreaming about my ex. In my dream, I was trying to choose between the two of them. Sucks, right? Cause in reality, I know exactly where I want to be. Do I still need to tell my bf about this? And about my ex? why the hell did he do that? He keeps on telling us how much he loves his new gf and then what?? Its not like I was the one who made the first move! HE DID!! Lucky for me, I came to my senses. Lesson learned, Do not ever see your ex!!

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Syntax1985 Apprentice

Syntax1985

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Nothing good will come from telling your boyfriend, you didnt cheat so it shouldnt go any further, dismiss it as a drunken mishap.

as for the dreams, ignore them. your probably only thinking about your ex due to guilt over your current boyfriend.

 

Your EX clearly isn't over you or saw you as an easy target, either way, avoid social activity with him where you cant keep yourself in complete control ( bring drunk etc. ).

 

Just incase you were having second thoughts about your ex = think of it this way, hes just got a new girlfriend, and hes already willing to cheat on her, what do you think he would do to you if you got back with him? sounds like bad news, avoid like the plague.

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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So what actually happened? Did you guys make out? Oral sex?

 

If you and your bf agree that kissing/making out with another person is cheating, then yes, he deserves to know.

 

If you didn't do anything physical and he was just putting the moves on you and you didn't take it further then no, don't tell him. But I wouldn't put yourself in that situation again.

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Realitynut Mentor

Realitynut

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Oh brother, than let it go!!! I thought that you made out with him, and came 'close' to cheating....I don't consider one drunken kiss cheating....and you didn't even do that! Brother!!! Again, wait til you're old and you will laugh you head off over this, the night you saw you ex....

 

Bill Clinton didn't consider oral sex cheating, so why should you consider "not even making out' cheating or something to confide to your bf on. All these things can do is upset him unneccesarily.

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RedDress Experienced

RedDress

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To be very clear, I didn't make out with him! Thanks for your advices people!

 

Ok, then. You can't stop someone from coming onto you while you are in a relationship... the only thing you can control is your own reaction. You are supposed to push them away... which you did. So... you did the right thing. Done.

 

"Confessing" to nothing is simply going to make him insecure. You didn't cheat... nothing to tell.

 

Kudos to you for doing the right thing!

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okmn Rookie

okmn

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No good comes from telling, I know because I confessed and all it did was tarnish the image my ex had of me.

 

Did you really think your partner would be thrilled after your confession? That's the partner's right to decide what they wanna do or how their view may change. I am sure in your case, you did the right thing by confessing regardless of the outcome.

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thejigsup Experienced

thejigsup

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If my partner saw an ex, they had a drink or two, a kiss happened,and then he had the class to push his ex away because he loved me, I would not be upset. I would think my partner was a person of integrity. Something like this happened to me once and it didn't upset me at all. If more had happened, well that's another story. But it didn't so if I were you, I'd let it go. Really.

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Imthatguy Newbie

Imthatguy

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If my partner saw an ex, they had a drink or two, a kiss happened,and then he had the class to push his ex away because he loved me, I would not be upset. I would think my partner was a person of integrity.

 

Really? Cause I'd lose it. I have zero respect for cheating, a kiss crosses right over the line of cheating. Someone with integrity would not get so far as a kiss because they realize what they feel for you.

 

And to be fair, no I've never cheated, don't plan to and I couldn't live with keeping it to myself if I did.

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Bunney Enthusiast

Bunney

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I agree with above, a "person with integrity" wouldn't even put himself into a situation where something can happen (and getting drunk with an ex IS one of those).

 

Question to OP though, if you did nothing at all with him then how is it you were close to having sex? Sorry but almost having sex with someone ALWAYS includes sharing physical intimacy/physical contact, and most would consider that cheating.

 

things just got out of control. We almost had sex but when I remember how I love my boyfriend, I literally pushed him away. I feel really bad until now. I was tempted, I admit.

 

Don't you think that pretty much implies SOMETHING happened? Don't really buy that you didn't even kiss or anything. Clearly there must have been a point in which you were alone in a room (and in a bed/couch) and you were touching. And yes, that is cheating.

 

ENA usually gives good advice but some posts on this thread... gah.

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Kaytie Collaborator

Kaytie

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Agreed. How do you come 'close to having sex' if you didn't make out with him? What did you mean exactly?

 

To me, a kiss crosses the line - big time.

 

 

I agree with above, a "person with integrity" wouldn't even put himself into a situation where something can happen (and getting drunk with an ex IS one of those).

 

Question to OP though, if you did nothing at all with him then how is it you were close to having sex? Sorry but almost having sex with someone ALWAYS includes sharing physical intimacy/physical contact, and most would consider that cheating.

 

 

 

Don't you think that pretty much implies SOMETHING happened? Don't really buy that you didn't even kiss or anything. Clearly there must have been a point in which you were alone in a room (and in a bed/couch) and you were touching. And yes, that is cheating.

 

ENA usually gives good advice but some posts on this thread... gah.

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MakeItCount Collaborator

MakeItCount

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I'm also confused as to how "you almost had sex" but didn't even kiss? If you're going to ask for advice, at least tell us the truth. I don't know of too many situations where you go form hanging out to him inside of you. Foreplay? We're not going to judge, but if we are going to give proper advice, then we need to know the details.

 

Anyways, if nothing happened physically, then I wouldn't say a word. If you were intimate in any meaning of the word, I would confess and pray that your boyfriend is understanding. I say this because for one it's not fair to him, and for two the guilt will eat you up.

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