i'm jealous! heeelp!

[UniqueSoul]

Ok so I am a very very jealous person! Ive been in a relationship for 15 months, and my bfs ex still bugs me!! She and my bf have the same group of friends, so its hard to get her away! it drives me crazy. Even though my bf and her dont speak much or see each other outside of the accidental meeting when he and his friends hang out, it still drives me nuts! I wish i could just get over it. She hasnt tried anything, and he and her only dated for 3 months, and he was single TWO YEARS before dating me. he and i have known each other FOREVER. for about 18 years. how can i end this?

his exes bday is coming up. my bf works at a local Best Buy, and last year his ex and her dad came in to get her a bday gift, and she ran into him and he and her dad spoke and my bf told me that her dad said that he missed him. which is kinda weird, but whatever. what is that happens again?????? how do i not let it bug me. someone hEEELP

[annony]

Ok, you've already made a big step in realizing that you need to get over it.

Try this,

whenever you feel a jealous thought coming in your head, label it. Imagine the thought as a cloud, and think to yourself "jealous feeling" and imagine the cloud drifting away.

This technique is one my yoga instructor taught me to help me relax more. It seems silly, but it really helps.

 

His ex isn't going to go away, so at this point it's about managing your feelings about it.

[UniqueSoul]

thank you! yeah..i know she isnt going to go away, but it is SO hard to manage my feelings. for a long time (about 5-6 months) i was doing really well! but recently since the summer time, something sparked and it is flaring. my bf and i started to talk about livng together, and getting engaged, and i think that the seriousness of the relationship makes it SO MUCH more to lose. id be devastated if something were to happen. and my mind is creating these awful jealous images.

[confused112]

I was this jealous with a boyfriend long ago who could not stop cheating on me.....

First of all, he's been single 2 years!! Get over it, he's yours not hers! You being the insecure GF from some girl that barely lasted a summer?! Give him a real chance and let your guard down, trust me it helps!!

 

But if you can't do that, this is what I advise...

I told him that it made me completely uncomfortable to hear things like "oh I ran into her dad and he said he missed me"

WTH?! just let him know little things like that are not nice to share with you (someone who it means more to)

He doesn't realize that he's hurting you by saying that or by hanging with his friends (this is not his fault-just clarify it for him)

 

Make it very clear next time you are having a nice dinner or on a nice stroll in the park (so its the right mood) that you feel a little insecure when she is always 'in the picture' Make it clear you trust him (if you do) and if he comforts you-he loves you, let it go...if he gets defensive or blows up---he's taking it the wrong way or he's guilty.

 

Good luck!

[annony]

You're right, your mind is creating them. I think jealousy is one of the most frustrating emotions to feel, I hate feeling that way.

Also, try to think of it more as doing a favour to yourself when you attempt to let go of the thoughts as they pass by your mind. Try to tell yourself that you owe it to you to think happy.

[UniqueSoul]

thanks so much, confused112. I have talked to him and he understands. he tries really really REALLY hard to make me not insecure. also, whenever he goes to hang out with his friends, he wont go unless i go too. (because he knows she will be there, so he wants to show me im more important) i just have crazy jealousy issues.

and thanks so much annony. i know i need to redirect the feelings, sometimes i can, and sometimes i cant. but i will def try to tell myself i owe it to me to be happy.