confused112 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you for reading this and for helping me, those of you who will... The ex: Me & #1 dated for almost 2 years. We lived together (first time we have ever done this) talked marriage, kids, shared all financials and had the most open relationship. We had a major fight because his parents let his ex live in their house for practically a year secretly and didn't tell me until i found out Christmas morning. It was too much to handle and we split (long story short). We had a great sexual relationship, we were very mature, I really felt that we had a great connection and just got a long great..except his parents...who hate me for no reason other than them preferring the 6month ex! Anyways we have been trying to work thru things for 6months, we recently went on a trip and it was the best, but i was really distant with the whole sexual relationship he wanted. Guy #2: I had started seeing someone shortly after me and #1 split, it was more rebound than anything, but during the time we seen eachother-i fell in love with him and we got an apt together-we are both head over heels (i'm 20), however...he is 16 years older than me and makes me feel comfort and secure, but we have the best relationship!! top to bottom!! This guy is absolutely the best, we have been seeing each other for 6mos now and he is super in love, as am I.... But there is one issue... THE ISSUE: Neither of them know about each other. Guy#1 and myself have been in contact and trying to work things out because i miss him-but i love both of them, honestly. So i am living with guy 2 but txting and secretly seeing guy 1. Well guy 1 tried to kill himself last night for IDK what reason...he has no idea what's going on, and I don't speak to anyone about this so no way he would've found out..unless he came by my apt and seen me with guy 2.......I feel horrible basically. Anyways, he tried to kill himself, i found out because I didn't hear from him and i began to worry and call around and ask his boss, parents, and called hospitals...because the last text he sent was 'Goodnight, i love you'. Anywho, I found him at the ER...i went to the hospital and his mother didn't let me see him,wouldn't tell me conditions or what exactly happened or anyhting! I don't even know for sure when it happened-she said "he will tell you when he's ready". So it broke my heart. (we [his mother and i] repaired our relationship before this happened so i don't know why all of a sudden she hates me? This is why i think it was attempted suicide because of me) Well, he was released last night or this morning because i called and he's not there. He hasn't called me, and this guy is so in love with me and i am in love with him, but i met someone new (Guy #2) and don't know what to do. I am texting him-but i am not sure if his parents are not letting me talk to him (he's 25-lives with them since the break up) or if they took his phone and cut him off from the world...or if he doesn't want to talk to me? I am just not sure!!! He hasn't said anything to me, not one word and no one will speak to me...his parents know we were trying to work things out so I am confused. I wanted to break up with Guy #2 last night and be there for Guy #1 officially and just chose Guy #1 once and for all.. but every time i see guy#2 I just want to be with him, laugh with him, kiss him, hug him...I cannot break up with him...what if Guy#1 doesn't want me back IF he found out and then I am out of 2 great guys! I know I made a huge mistake, I just don't know where to start to correct it. Its a burden I carry and I no longer want it! I am soooo worried about Guy #1 and constantly find myself missing him and what we had and just wanting him to come see me or call me or something. After he recoups i want him to come see me, but he can't if guy #2 is here...... Bottom line, I do not know who to chose or what to do....??? Please help me, I haven't asked anyone about this for my own reasons and its eating me alive!! Should I come clean to everyone? what if that guy hurts himself again because I tell him EVERYTHING?? PLEASE ADVISE!!! Link to comment
SethSLC Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Wow... just ... wow... Ok that is out of the way now so I'll do the best I can to offer some advice. (Bluntness incoming...) I think it is pretty unfair for you to be doing this to both of them. You are being pretty selfish to think that you can, or better yet SHOULD, have both of them at the same time. You need to grow up, put on your big kid under-roos and make a decision. You cannot possibly think you would be ok with this situation if you were in either of their shoes would you? You are letting fear rule your life. Stop being afraid of life and make a decision. If you can't decide between them then I personally think you shouldn't be with either of them. To me that says neither of them has enough of your heart to make you take a chance on being vulnerable and so it will end up not working in the long run. Lastly you are not responsible for other peoples actions. It is not your fault if someone else tries to hurt themselves because of something you did or said. That is a conscious choice they've made to do something like that, not you. So stop blaming yourself, because it may not even be related to you in the first place, and even if it is it isn't your fault. Right now you're using any and every excuse you can possibly come up with to try and keep both of them. That is messed up no matter how you slice it. Link to comment
confused112 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you for your help, And again, I haven't spoken to anyone so i have just been confused and selfish without realizing it.... I know it isn't fair to any of them, should I tell them about each other? or choose 1 and keep quiet? Link to comment
SethSLC Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you for your help, And again, I haven't spoken to anyone so i have just been confused and selfish without realizing it.... I know it isn't fair to any of them, should I tell them about each other? or choose 1 and keep quiet? God no. Look like I said it's pretty bad that you did this in the first place, but IMO, it will compound the issue if you tell them. You're in a room that is packed full of explosives while holding a flaming torch, and your goal should be to get out quickly without sneezing and dropping the dang thing and blowing it all to dust. Your only objective right now is to figure out once and for all who (IF ANY!) you love and then let the other down gently but quickly. The longer you take in figuring this out the greater your chance of it all blowing up. Focus on your feelings and emotions, because if you really love one of them then you should realise that you don't want to hurt them and don't want anyone else. If you can't figure that out, and relatively quickly, then again I think you probably don't love either of them enough to be with them and should let them both go. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Thank you for your help, And again, I haven't spoken to anyone so i have just been confused and selfish without realizing it.... I know it isn't fair to any of them, should I tell them about each other? or choose 1 and keep quiet? I really don't think you're in love, I think you like the attention and fun of being in two relationships, which is basically what you have right now. If you loved either one of them, you wouldn't selfishly hurt them the way you are. I say yes, tell both of them the truth. You've been lying and leading each of them on. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Wow just wow is right.. I was with my ex for 2 yrs.. and she was still Hung up on on her fwb that lasted 6 weeks before we meet.. It's so unfair to both... I think my ex will lose both of us.. she has lost me, other guy only wants her for sex.. IMo so not cool, don't understand why women think they cam do this and for everything to be okay.. Link to comment
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