My first love, BU after 5 years of being together. I'm at a loss.

[soundlessvoice]

Today marks exactly two weeks since I've I broken up with my boyfriend of five years. I started dating him when I was 19 and he's the only person I've ever dated and loved, so I guess this would be my "first love". We pretty much lived together those entire 5 years and I don't want to get into it, but enough was enough and I knew I had to break it off and move on. I regret it every moment, not because it was a bad decision but because I didn't realize it would hurt this much. Everyone tells me that I'll get over it, they I will move on and find someone better...but it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes I feel this burst of strength and that I'm going to get through this and then a precious memory will pop up and I just fall apart all over again. I've lost 7 pounds in a week, I don't want to eat or sleep or do much of anything.

 

Somewhere in those five years I lost me and it become "us." and I can't see it being just me again, I don't know what to do and if this amount of pain is even normal? I want nothing more than to call or e-mail him, but I'm trying my best to not do just that. Chances are if I do, I won't get a reply and it'll make me that much crazier. I'm rambling on, I guess I just needed to vent a little or even hear some support from people who have been able to move on from their great memories because right now I feel I'm getting worse every day.

[mhowe]

Yes, it's normal, unfortunately.

 

But, in your heart of hearts, you knew what you needed to do. The soul is heartier than you think --- and you've already figured out that somewhere along the journey you are on, you lost "you".

 

So, now you start the arduous process of finding you again. It won't be forever --- just 'til you get "you" back. And since you know that contacting him won't do any good and could make you feel worse, stop even thinking about it. Two weeks is just about the end of the really bad stuff, but you will cycle back on various emotions over the next few months....grief, anxiety, denial, anger....and will eventually find acceptance.

 

Stay busy with friends, family and find whatever made you happy before --- or start new with something (not someone) else that you always thought about.

It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Best of luck.

[beacon]

Patience is key right now in order for you to find acceptance and I have a history of impatience and instant gratification so I know this can be difficult. What I try to do is make a point to stop whatever I'm doing and ACCEPT every realization I make that helps me move in a positive direction. Sometimes I repeat it in my head a few times, or even aloud. I often have to breathe deeply in order to keep the realization from absolutely flooring me, but embracing these moments as they come is much better than repeating them over and over again. Embrace the moment and accept it for what it is, then move forward.

[trezeralietas]

What you are feeling is normal. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier. You followed your instinct and made the right decision for you. You have to believe that and have faith in your own judgment. Start looking at him and the relationship as they really were and are. Think about the reasons you ended it. Once you start to see the reality and stop focusing so much on the positive things (which obviously weren't enough to keep you there), it will get easier.

 

Hugs and best of luck to you!