Found out mom chose to cheat....

[RoxyGril]

There were a couple topics that I could've put this thread into, but felt this one probably fit the situation the best. I just found out that my mom is cheating on my step-dad with a married man. I can say I had a feeling like this was going to happen. My mom is a person who thinks she is right in every situation and can't admit when she is wrong. I have posted threads before on my relationship with her and which it has not approved. Even though I had a feeling that something was going on, it still hurts to see your younger sibiling deal with seeing their parents separate. My mom and my dad separated when I was really young and don't remember the divorce.

 

My step-dad and mom haven't been getting along for awhile now and progressively got worse, which ended with cheating. From what I know is that my mom accidently sent a txt to my older sister though it was suppose to go to the other man. I think it said 'something about how nice it was to be kissing on you.' My 10 yr old sister saw her kiss this guy as well. Turns out that it's my little sister's swimming team mate's dad. My step-dad noticed something wasn't right with my sister over the past couple of days. She finally told him that she saw her kissing the guy and that she didn't like it and started crying.

 

I don't know what to do at this moment. Though I really worry for my sister since she is the youngest out of 4. I am in full support of my step-dad and sibilings which I will be there for them. But, I feel that my mom doesn't deserve any of my respect. My mom denies it but, there is evidance that says she did cheat.

 

Advice? What to do and how to be strong through this situation?

[FathomFear]

It sounds like you already have a healthy grasp on the situation. I would support your younger siblings and the rest of the family who might be negatively impacted by this. I wouldn't expend much effort trying to make your mother admit to wrongdoing. I would just be there for support vs. trying to actively take "sides". Just take the high ground and try to get both of them to work through this issue such that there's as little impact as possible on the younger children.

[abitbroken]

Why no talk to your mom and don't tell her she is doing wrong, but tell her she is hurting you.

[RoxyGril]

I will tell her how I feel but, I don't think she will take it to heart. She cares about only herself...She has ruined 3 marriages because of the decision she has made. She's ruined her 1st marriage, her current and the marriage of the other guy that has a family. Though she has cheated once before in this marriage, which they seemed to work it out until now. To me I don't want anything to do with her now, cuz all that matters is that my siblings are taken care of and know that they are loved. I don't think my sibling's don't deserve this.

[capilot]

Is your step-dad your little sister's father?

[DN]

How is your step-dad taking it?

 

Perhaps you can show her how you feel by not confronting her or accusing her of anything but by standing by and supporting your step-dad. That way she gets to see that you don't approve of what she did without getting in her face about it.

[RoxyGril]

Yes my step-dad is the father of my sister (10) and brother (20). My step-dad is hurt and taking it ok though he is still trying to figure out what is going to happen. Though not much has changed since yesterday. I can say I haven't spoken wth her about what she did. From what I am aware of that there might be a sit down with the family about the situation. I can't say that I would accuse her but, my little sister saw her kiss this other man and broke down in tears when she told her dad. So, there is enough proof to where she can't say she didn't do anything. She just didn't hurt me but, my older sibiling along with the younger.

[pl3asehelp]

Um, what's up with all the comments suggesting to walking on egg shells so as not to upset (cheater) mom? What she did was wrong - OP you should tell her that so she knows clearly how you feel. Her reaction to that is her problem. If she doesn't like people judging her, she could always avoid that by behaving herself.

[Gerber Daisy]

Sounds like a sticky situation that is going to take awhile to settle since it involves so many individuals. I am sorry to hear that your mom doesn't take responsibility for her own actions and cannot cut off ties with someone when she knows its over, before being involved with someone else. I commend you for being diplomatic of the situation and your concern for your family. Focus on helping your little sister, and I'm sure counseling is needed, to sort out emotions. At the same time, take care of yourself-you cannot help others if you aren't ok. Remember that.

[RoxyGril]

Sounds like a sticky situation that is going to take awhile to settle since it involves so many individuals. I am sorry to hear that your mom doesn't take responsibility for her own actions and cannot cut off ties with someone when she knows its over, before being involved with someone else. I commend you for being diplomatic of the situation and your concern for your family. Focus on helping your little sister, and I'm sure counseling is needed, to sort out emotions. At the same time, take care of yourself-you cannot help others if you aren't ok. Remember that.

 

 

It is definitely a sticky situation. Everything is still a mess and from what I know is that everything hasn't changed much since I found out. I am trying to really hold myself together and be in support of my brother and sisters. It's as if I just want to txt her or call her up and say something. Though it would come out in anger and disgust, which I don't think at this moment is the right thing to do. The last time I spoke with her was in a txt about a garage sale that happens twice a year in the neighborhood that my parents live. This was a day or 2 before I recevied the phone call on what happened.

 

I have a good understanding of this situation but, there is much emotions that is getting to me causing to tear up a little bit. It just f****ing sucks that she is so envolved with herself and that she can't even admit her wrong doings. She is so more important thing her family. She wonders why nobody can stand her.

 

With her not cutting of the ties sooner and chose to do it in a really hurtful way, this only dug her in a deeper hole that isn't going to be easy to get out of. Even if there is a divorce she is going to move on and do it to the next person that falls in her trap. She needs a intervention quick cause the screws in the head are majorly loose. She needs help (sad to say it but, it's true). I can see counseling might be needed for my sister....