Flannel PJ Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I just joined and the reason is that I broke up with my bf of 3 years and am having a difficult time. It's been one week, and I am also trying to adjust to the weekend NO cuddling companion. However, my exbf didn't have the finances to take me out....hardly EVER! And after watching him happily gobble down my "Free meals" it grew really old. I work 40+ hours a week, and was buying groceries and cooking meals for him all weekend. He never brought anything over to contribute to the meal. He was habitually unemployed...he'd find work and then lose it within 2-3 weeks. I have a "promise" ring that means nothing to me except what a weiner he really was. My self-esteem has plunged to a new low; I am 51 years old, and feel used, and tired-out. THEN on top of all of these emotions; my son informs me that my ex just got remarried. My GOD; when will my turn come?! Link to comment
Mesemene Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 My self-esteem has plunged to a new low; I am 51 years old, and feel used, and tired-out. Sounds like you need a plan of action to be good to yourself for a while. You might not have a cuddle buddy now - BUT - you also don't have your personal parasite leeching off of you!!! Use some of the money you're not using to feed his gullet to take yourself for a spa day (mani, pedi, mudbath, whatever makes you feel pampered and relaxed), order a favorite dinner he didn't like in, and remind yourself you're worth plumping your own worth and esteem - not his. It can be hard watching exes move into new relationships when you're alone at any time - but the timing here admittedly stinks. Don't let it get to you, you've started your "turn" by realizing you were worth way more than someone who would be happy to let you take care of him without it being returned. It might not feel like it at the moment, but you took an important step already towards winning your self-worth back - don't undervalue it Link to comment
Flannel PJ Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I really like the spa day idea...it's been so long since I was pampered. My friends are doing the online dating thing, but I am so worn-down that it just isn't that appealing right now. Link to comment
whysoalone Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 This is kinda the reason my first ex broke up with me. She cheated (I gave her a second chance), but I was a bit of a slack 'tard. I've since fixed it and I'm happily working making some big $$$'s. You made the right choice, dear. My ex is now happily engaged to a guy earning decent money and they've just had their first child. Looking for a house as well I believe. It gets better as time goes on, she's living proof Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I really like the spa day idea...it's been so long since I was pampered. My friends are doing the online dating thing, but I am so worn-down that it just isn't that appealing right now. Give yourself a break Flannel First off... You don't have to feel ready to jump straight back into dating. Online or otherwise. Take some time out, some time for just you. And secondly, I'm assuming you have single friends as they are doing the online dating thing? Hook up with your friends, go out, go to the Spa, go for dinner. Enjoy the weekends now you're not expected to cook and look after someone else. Plaster that smile on until it becomes natural! Link to comment
Flannel PJ Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 My single friends have lives/boyfriends of their own. They also have family nearby; my only adult child is in another state. So I am an empty-nester without a love life. Link to comment
DaveTrump Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 So when you met you couldn't tell he was a loser? Link to comment
Flannel PJ Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 The "loser qualities" you refer to didn't surface until he kept losing jobs. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt; Michigan is hard hit economically. But as time progressed, I quit excusing his lack of effort. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I really like the spa day idea...it's been so long since I was pampered. My friends are doing the online dating thing, but I am so worn-down that it just isn't that appealing right now. Maybe even think about if you want to go yourself - which can be just lovely peace - or if you want to ask one or more of them to go as well. That kind of depends on you - whether you feel like just taking some breathing and pamper moments just for you, or if you want a "girls day" to get polished and pampered together. And you sure don't need to worry about dating until YOU are ready - take the effort you'd have to put there, and just pour it back into yourself for a while, until you feel less exhausted and pulled down, and more restless and energetic, and really ready to charge forward. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 sorry to hear about the breakup but maybe it is for the best! and yes, do go do something nice for yourself - spa day, etc.... maybe a little weekend getaway to a nice city you want to visit? my mom remarried at 63 so it's never too late to meet the right man! hang in there. Link to comment
thelastsong Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 sorry to hear about the breakup but maybe it is for the best! and yes, do go do something nice for yourself - spa day, etc.... maybe a little weekend getaway to a nice city you want to visit? my mom remarried at 63 so it's never too late to meet the right man! hang in there. On that note, my great-grandmother married 3 times, the last time when she was in her 80s. Love can happen at any age, and 51 does not seem very old to me. And yes, please take care of yourself. The way I see it, you have freed yourself of someone who was just holding you back. Start pampering someone who definitely deserves it: yourself. Link to comment
Flannel PJ Posted September 21, 2011 Author Share Posted September 21, 2011 I appreciate all the support. Annie tell your mom she inspired me; I've been feeling old and unwanted from this break-up. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 21, 2011 Share Posted September 21, 2011 awww, hugs! i think we all feel that way after a breakup. hang in there! Link to comment
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