I can't seem to get unstuck, please help

[kristenjo]

I've posted numerous times about the FWB that was bad for me, the whole thing was tempestuous & dysfunctional, he didn't treat me well, etc. I don't know why, but I can't seem to get unstuck from him. He deleted me from Facebook and I've been in NC for a month. I'm not sure, but I feel that he and his ex are dating again. But I could be wrong, they could just be friends, her relationship status is single on FB. Is it holding me back that I'm friends with her on FB? I really liked her and he started all this drama when I became friends with her, so I didn't want to cause more drama by deleting her. But unfortunately I get to see his flirty posts on her page.

I think what's holding me back is wondering why I wasn't good enough for him to date and why he treated me this way. I felt like things would have gone much more differently if we had actually attempted a relationship, but he was hung up on this ex. She doesn't even live here, she is just visiting for the summer. We did have a lot in common, the chemistry was electric and I really cared for him. I also found out that he told a friend of his that I was amazing in bed, so that makes me mad that he would talk about me that way.

I have no desire to date right now until I get my issues in order. I just wish I didn't still care about him. I ran into him on Saturday night and he just looked at me and neither of us said hello. That hurt. Please give me advice on how I can move on and start feeling happy again.

[RedDress]

Definitely delete his ex from your FB. If you are she are not good friends, I doubt she'll even notice.

 

As for how to move on? If you don't want to date, grab your best girlfriends and it's time for a little shopping, pampering, clubbing, chick flicks, etc. Concentrate on the wonderfulness that is you and every time you even think about him, pinch yourself.

 

You've spent more time thinking about him than he deserves... go hug a girlfriend. That's what they are there for.

[Airbag]

NC is the way to go. 1 month is nothing, really. As time passes, the hurting will slowly decrease. Start focussing on yourself, and if you're not ready to date, that's totally fine. If you feel depressed or sad, try reading some threads on this forum. I also recommend working out! Good luck and I wish you all the best,

 

-A.

[22n32]

I had an ex, she had a fwb, he treated her like crap.. and she wondered the same thing.. why wasn't I good enough for him...

 

I can't help much, she is still stuck on him..

 

I'm sure it has something to do with rejection..

 

I would say distance urself, and don't dweel more u do more u become obsessed with it..

[kristenjo]

I think the hardest thing to deal with is spending time with someone but not having a real relationship. I've had long-term relationships that didn't work out, but I didn't dwell or obsess on them when they ended because I knew we gave it our best shot and it just wasn't meant to be. But this is different....I feel like there were so many things we could have done together, we didn't give a real relationship a shot, and that's what is so hard to deal with. The hope of something blooming never coming to fruition, and I did this crap for a year. I learned a valuable lesson at least - FWB: Never. Ever. Again.

[Mesemene]

Instead of wondering why you weren't good enough for him - maybe think of it this way - what's wrong with the idiot that he chose to pine after his ex instead of realizing what a good thing he could've had?

 

While you're working on moving on, he's probably sitting by the phone in a pink teddy with a bag of Doritos for company, wondering why the phone doesn't ring... *cough* ok, maybe a little dramatic, but you get the picture.

 

Just because he's choosing not to be happy doesn't mean you don't have a right to be happy. Leave him and his ex in the dust, be good to yourself, and find someone healthy enough emotionally to appreciate what you've got to offer.

[calichick007]

OP, I read through your old posts to get a feel for the background, and I say this with love. You have GOT to stop getting involved in these casual/FWB situations and then spiraling into depression when they don't magically transform into committed relationships. It appears that you've been stuck in this pattern for several years now... you've got to make a conscious decision to break it. It's not about you not being good enough, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in that thought process because I've been there. It's about you not being the one for him - which is okay! If you got to know these guys better before throwing intimacy into the mix, you'd probably find that they aren't the ones for you either. The lowest I've ever been was involving myself in a FWB when I knew I wanted a relationship. I spent month after month after month trying to sell myself, trying to prove to him that I was good enough and worth committing to. I cringe at the thought of it. You won't have to try to prove you're "good enough" for the right guy - he'll see it for himself. If a committed, long-term relationship is what you want, stop settling for scraps. It's lonely sometimes (trust me, LOL), but it beats feeling inadequate.

 

Out of curiosity, did you know he was hung up on the ex when you befriended her? A little creepy, if so. Anyway, delete her and keep it moving. And for Christ's sake, don't. jump. into. something. else!

[kristenjo]

I know, I have a serious problem with letting someone in. I try to do casual but then my feelings get in the way and I want something more. I knew he was hung up on her, but it wasn't until after a year or so after meeting her and us hanging out. I'm not creepy like that.