The L word.

[emma j]

hi all,

 

so i've been getting mixed answers from my friends about this question, so thought i'd come here.

 

i believe that in this day that women should be waiting for the guy. that she should go after what she wants. In that if she wants to ask a guy out then do it and if she wants to txt or call after the first date then do it and not wait for the guy but here i am stumped on my situation.

 

The L word..... in general who do you think should say it first..

 

should the girl just say it if she feels it or should she wait for the guy to say it first..

 

Any opinions!!

[capilot]

I've learned never to say it first. If the woman isn't as serious as you are, she'll dump you on the spot (had it happen more than once). If she's a gold-digger or a control freak, her first thought is going to be "gotcha!" (had that happen too).

 

I've paid my dues; never again.

[shuttlefish]

It's just a word, words mean nothing. Actions are everything. Life isn't a hollywood movie, nor does it resemble one. Besides the concept of "love" and the idea of "loving someone" is so incredibly subjective that it is basically worthless in and of itself.

[Princess123]

Hahaha. Oh my goodness. I thought men were suppose to say it first because they aren't as emotional as women. If a women says it first and the guy isn't there yet she'll likely go more bananas then a guy. You say it when it's right. Whoever says it first regardless if the other person doesn't feel that way they can say they aren't there yet or thank you. That is why you can and should take your time with it. I believe that most of the time you can notice or tell or have a feeling through actions and the way you have been expressing yourselves to each other. Then one day your just looking into each others eyes and it just comes out. It slips out somehow and that's always the best way.

[22n32]

who ever feels it first...

[april15]

Knowing you love some one, really, really love someone and knowing when to share that feeling is tricky. Here's some thoughts:

 

Say it when you feel it and want to share it when you are not with them.

Say it when you feel the love pulsing and swelling inside you so strongly there can be no doubting.

Say it when the love is a wonderful warm feeling, crossbred between the love for your mom and your first huge crush.

Say it when you know and respect the other person.

Say it when you are telling everyone else in your life how happy you are to have the loved one in your life.

Say it when your life will be empty without them.

Show it every time you meet and let your love know it without saying a word.

Sometimes you want to say it, and you don't..... and then it is too late.

Sometimes when you say it, it is not returned and you wonder how you ever felt so strongly.

 

I Love You

 

It is best to hear when you already know.

[emma j]

Thanks all for your comments..

 

the reason i ask this question is because i've felt ready to say this from about 3 months in. I'm with my bf just coming up to 10 months now however the first 5 months where not official as he didn't want a relationship. After 5 months we went our separate ways because i wanted more. He realised what he had and the next day believe it or not he came back saying he wanted a relationship. We are now at 6 months later.

 

I've not said anything yet becuase i've felt like i needed to take it slow with him. Just let him go at his own pace and feel the relationship and enjoy it and we have.. So i was thinking i'll hold back until i feel like he's progressing more or until he says it. I'm at a point now where i can finally feel it back from him. After a recent holiday we've become ALOt closer and he's changed in how he acts towards me. In a positive and amazing way so my thinking of waiting is starting to change. i don't think he'd be as freaked out now. A couple of times its nearly slipped out for me and i'm dying to just look at him and tell him i love him. But i'm nervous, its a big thing to say. So anyways thats my reason for asking. some friends have said to wait till he says it but he's shy about his feelings and emotions and i get the feeling that he'll be too shy to say it first but that if i say it first he'll follow.

[thejigsup]

I would rather neither of us say it. I'm not a big one for pretty words that are often lies. I show a man how I feel and I gauge how he feels about me by how he treats me. This is more honest and more often correct than the words are. I haven't said those words in more years than I care to count. I've been loved and have loved very well without them.

[emma j]

I would rather neither of us say it. I'm not a big one for pretty words that are often lies. I show a man how I feel and I gauge how he feels about me by how he treats me. This is more honest and more often correct than the words are. I haven't said those words in more years than I care to count. I've been loved and have loved very well without them.

 

I think that if you say something too much then it looses meaning but we've not said it at all and as the relationship is progressing i want to tell him how i feel. Not saying i'm going to say it all the time but for him to at least know and for me too know. We're very affectionate towards each other and he's very caring to me and really does alot in his actions.

[thejigsup]

My late bf and I NEVER said those words to each other and were together happily for almost 12 years. He said it's so easy to say the words and have someone forgive you somethng. If you don't have those words to fall back on, all you have is how you treat them. I was treated very well, indeed, because he could not say ILU. I treated him well, also.

[abitbroken]

Say it only when you are sure you aren't saying it to want to hear it back, and that you are secure in the relationship. Women can say it first, but men say it first for different reasons. If they are secure and not needy, they say it when they have made a decision about you in some way.

[22n32]

My late bf and I NEVER said those words to each other and were together happily for almost 12 years. He said it's so easy to say the words and have someone forgive you somethng. If you don't have those words to fall back on, all you have is how you treat them. I was treated very well, indeed, because he could not say ILU. I treated him well, also.

 

I do agree with ur comment... but thats still very sad

[thejigsup]

Why is it sad? Sad is when someone says "I love you" and they don't mean a word of it. They are using you for something and someone ends up hurt. THAT is sad.

[22n32]

Why is it sad? Sad is when someone says "I love you" and they don't mean a word of it. They are using you for something and someone ends up hurt. THAT is sad.

 

That is also sad..

 

12 yrs of birthdays, aniver, special moments or a phone convo..

 

And no I love yous, or love u babe, just seems very cold and distant..

 

I guess i were my heart on my sleeve..

 

If I had love feelings for someone.. I would say it.. why hide it..

[FathomFear]

Every time someone says "The L Word" I can't help but think of the TV series, which is actually referring to a completely different "L" word. lol.

[Rose30]

I've only been in 2 other relationships beside my current one where the L word was used and for the life of me i cant recall who said it first, but if I have to take a guess i think it would have been the guys. My current relationship is going into 4 months and we haven't said the L word yet. I think we are both close to saying it but I want to wait for him, he is quite a bit older than me (by 17 years, and I really don't want to freak him out.)

[emma j]

I've only been in 2 other relationships beside my current one where the L word was used and for the life of me i cant recall who said it first, but if I have to take a guess i think it would have been the guys. My current relationship is going into 4 months and we haven't said the L word yet. I think we are both close to saying it but I want to wait for him, he is quite a bit older than me (by 17 years, and I really don't want to freak him out.)

 

 

Why are you going to wait for him to say it..

[emma j]

That is also sad..

 

12 yrs of birthdays, aniver, special moments or a phone convo..

 

And no I love yous, or love u babe, just seems very cold and distant..

 

I guess i were my heart on my sleeve..

 

If I had love feelings for someone.. I would say it.. why hide it..

 

I agree completely.

[wilyone 11]

Emma,

I'm 41 and I've been in your shoes several times. How will you feel if he doesn't say it back, and then starts withdrawing and acting distant? He seems like the type that could get easily scared and it could backfire on you. I know how badly you want to express it, but I would hold off. You have nothing to lose by waiting another 6 months or so and letting him say it first. If you say it and he pulls way back, you will be crushed. Then you will start acting insecure and needy, less responsive, which in turn will cause him to feel less attracted to you, etc. Risky road right now.

[ut804]

I always wait for the man to say it first I would be too scared to say it first. but i wouldnt say it back unless i felt it.

[emma j]

So i think the general consenses is to wait it out for him to say it..Also spoke to 2 friends today and they said the same thing and that at the moment i hold the power but i don't like all that stuff.. I'm about bursting to say it but wilyone11 i think you hit the nail on the head.

 

Thanks all