We have a similar dating past, but girl is not over her ex like I am. Lame.

[absynthminded]

Soooo here's my situation.

 

I met this girl from a dating website back in May. We really hit it off. Not only did we have a lot of similar interests, but we also came from similar backgrounds dating wise. We had an AMAZING first date (made out in the rain for hours), and the times we had after that were just some of the best I've ever had.

 

When we met, we had both been out of a 7 year relationships for 2 years. Odd how timing works out sometimes. We had discussed our past relationships and we both came to the conclusion that we were both completely over them. Ha, wishful thinking.

 

So about 3 - 4 weeks into it, we run into her ex at a local show. At first we keep our distance but as the night goes on and we drink more, she gets closer and closer to him to the point that she is away from me and probably 10 feet from him. I confront her about it and she just said she wanted to get closer to the stage. This is the beginning of the end.

 

We had great times after that, but there was always a suspicion in the back of my mind. The more I learned about her, the more I learned he is not out of her life and she has not moved on. A lot of other things happened in between then and now, but I won't bore you with the details (unless you want to know), but as it stands right now, she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she's not sure what's happening with them. She's not sure what she wants with us either, but it's basically boiled down to just friends (maybe/hopefully benefits? - she's not sure because she doesn't want to hurt me, but she's still attracted to me apparently).

 

I'm so torn over this. I don't want her out of my life, but I want to be more then friends. I want the good times back. I WANT her back. What do I do? What's the fool proof way in making this happen (if there is). Do I stick around? They were in a 7 year relationship and it's been 2 years, why would it work now? Ugh. She swears it's not me and that I'm an awesome person (yea right). I'm so frustrated over this and I need advice from people other then my usual friends. Thanks for reading and I appreciate any advice anyone can give me.

[ur02111222]

"She swears it's not me and that I'm an awesome person (yea right)."

 

I think she's being honest here and that it's really not about you. It's about her feelings she still has for her ex.

 

Best thing might be to back off. If she's planning to get back together with her ex, then it will happen. But if she's unsure and you back off, she might realize that she wants to be with you more than she wants to with him. But there's no guarantee she'll want to be with you over him-they have a long history. And you might just end up more hurt.

 

It's kind of a rotten situation, but lots of people end up in it. Unfortunately I think the ex's tend to be chosen over the new boyfriends/girlfriends, so you might also consider just breaking it off with her completely, since she's stringing you along at this point.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Walk away completely and don't even be her friend. If her ex is more interesting to her then don't put yourself into the position of being part of a love triangle. She needs to lose you completely and not have you around as back up in case the ex thing doesn't work out.

[absynthminded]

Eh, I was afraid I would have to separate myself. I don't know if I'm strong enough to

 

yuck

[april15]

You are strong enough, you are a whole person and you deserve another whole person. It will be crazy hard but settling and getting hurt over and over will be harder. FWB.. with someone you care deeply about. Thanks but no thanks. This will only create a bigger hurt. Thank her for the good times and tell her she will no longer be part of your life.

[capilot]

"She swears it's not me and that I'm an awesome person (yea right)."

 

I think she's being honest here and that it's really not about you. It's about her feelings she still has for her ex.

 

Agree 100%. That's the risk you take entering a rebound relationship. You only had 4 months invested in this relationship. Remember it fondly and move on. Don't torture yourself sticking around while she works out her issues.