Is it normal to not care if you live or die?

[ApocalypseDreams]

Is it normal to be nonchalant about life?

 

Late last year I was involved in a pretty bad car accident which I walked away uninjured from. I suppose I should be thankful for having the good fortune to be still here. I don't though, but rather I wish I died in that car accident. I could of died there, in an instant, and it wouldn't of mattered. Not to me and not to anyone else. I don't make a difference to anything and I can't even manage to conjure up a future that is not based in fantasy. I can't say, with any conviction whatsoever, honestly that my life is actually headed anywhere or I will ever amount to anything. I lack a tonne of personal attributes that make people human and almost everything leaves me feeling empty. Social interactions, despite the fact that I desire them, leave me feeling weird and alien.

 

I really just hope, that if such a thing was to ever happen again, that things would work out differently and I would no longer be here.

 

I don't know how to live.

[In the Dark]

To me it seems you would prefer to not be alive.

 

Has their been anything which has caused you to feel this way over the years.

Negative things in the past which have piled up and feel like they are still happening?

[ApocalypseDreams]

To me it seems you would prefer to not be alive.

 

Has their been anything which has caused you to feel this way over the years.

Negative things in the past which have piled up and feel like they are still happening?

 

I guess it stems from a bleakiness in the outlook for my life in the future.

 

I don't believe things can ever get any better or that my life will ever be worth anything, it's just hopeless. Like I said, I can't even picture what my life ever being liveable without crossing over into the realm of fantasy. If this is it I'm not sure I want to be alive anymore.

 

I could die tomorrow and it wouldn't phase me at all.

[livelarge]

It sounds like depression (and perhaps some social anxiety). I suffer from depression myself, the low-grade variety. Have you thought about counseling? Perhaps taking medication. I know that you probably think nothing will make it any better (I've thought that way myself). But what's the harm in trying?