Ex wants to be friends for the wrong reasons?

[dazee]

My ex and I were in a relatively short relationship (1 year). We broke up about a month ago because of a job offer I got out of state. I told him as soon as I found out, because I knew what it meant for our relationship. We decided to breakup because LDR just isn’t for us. I would say the breakup was mutual. There wasn’t any arguing or lack of love. I miss him lots, and I’m sure he does too.

 

He was very supportive and helpful in the transition to move and we thought it’d be a good idea to just not have each other in our lives to “heal” once I was away. This was an idea mostly brought up by me because I know what a pain it is to be away from each other and being like, “I miss you”, etc. but there isn’t much you can do. He said he understood where I was coming from and we haven’t been in contact since I left.

 

But today he texts me and says he just wanted to know how I’m doing, and hopes we don’t lose touch, that he still wants to be friends but that if I don’t, “it’s okay”. The “it’s okay” had this tone of “Let me drown if you want, I’ll be fine”. So I call him and I tell him that I think it’s better we don’t keep in touch so soon, but that maybe in the future, it might happen. So he kind of pauses, sighs and says, “Okay, well… you know I’ll always be here.”

 

Now, I don’t know if he’s doing this because of lingering hope for us getting back together some day (which I know won’t happen) or just because he genuinely wants to be friends.

 

Do you think he wants to be friends for the wrong reasons?

Should I just enforce the NC and leave it at that?

[mhowe]

He's lonely and misses you --- but since you both had to agree on this LDR/not issue, I would say that he will respect that you really don't want to be in touch, and move on now. Since you know you won't get back together in the future, don't reach out to him when you get lonely. Go to NC and stay there.

[dazee]

I have been NC even though I've felt lonely and missed him too. Part of me feels like he wants to use me as a crutch but I don't do that... we both need to experience the loss but I don't know why he wants to be "friends" when we are now in different states.

[mhowe]

He's just reaching out because he is lonely --- if you ignore him, he will just stop.

[dazee]

He's just reaching out because he is lonely --- if you ignore him, he will just stop.

 

He's stopped now that I called him and told him it'd be best we stayed out of touch for now--even though I think it's best if it's forever. Ignoring him seems a bit immature so I hope he'll do his part of NC as well. I don't wanna have to do that.

 

Insane.

[mhowe]

Since you called and toldhim you should be all set. I didn't mean ignoring as a little game, in which case it would be immature, but after a while, people sometimes text or call just to ellicit a response. And having to text someone to say stop texting me seem absurd!!!! So, you just ignore and eventually they will stop.