ElizabethB Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I think about it every day. We have been together for 12 years - 3 years dating including. I was 17 when I met him and he was my first and only boyfriend. To make long story short...I am pretty sure I loved him back then. My feelings were strong and new to me. Everything was new and exciting to me. Year after year things started to change. We were fighting more over stupid things and he had no problem to put me down front of other people. I thought I deserved it. For all this years together we went through physical and emotional abuse - some days. But like always..I thought it was my fault. Two years ago I finally opened my eyes and realized that I do not feel what I felt before. Of course I still love him in some way, but I am not in love with him anymore. I told him that but he tries to ignore it. Everybody loves him but me. Everybody saying how great he is - but the thing is - I DO live with him not them. I have to listen to his criticism on daily basic- not them. I feel so tired of it. I feel tired of telling me what to do, how to do it and when. My therapist told me that I changed. She said I was not mature back then and now I simply don't want what I wanted before. I am almost 30 and I feel that my biological clock is ticking. I would love to have child but I do not feel like I want it in this marriage. I know it will be very hard to leave if there are kids involve and it is even hard now without them. We spend so many years together, we have mutual friends and I love most of his family. We both live in other country far away from everybody. I see my family once in 2-3 years, so it is just me and him. He is the only "family" I have here. When things are very bad between us and all I can think of is leaving - being lonely scares me. Thoughts about being alone for ever and chances of not finding real love are holding me back. Thousands of "what if"... I do not know what to do. Any advice? Is anybody feeling same way as I do??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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