Still feeling sick after so long

[Miss my Heart]

So it's been 6 months since our big fight and over 3 months since the official break up. I still feel horrible. I went 30 days of no contact ands then we talked. A week and a half later he called me. This past weekend I talked to him Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. I miss him and I told him that on Saturday. I said everything you're not suposed to say. I know I did wrong. I feel so weak and pathetic. He said he missed me too. He said he still loved me too. But I know he doesn't want to be with me. He wants to be friends. I want to be friends but I want to be lovers too. I can't be just his friend. I want all of it. I want the kisses and hugs and comfort of having him next to me at night. I am so stupid. I know I deserve better then him. I know I deserve someone who will stick it out when it gets tough. I want my happy ending and it makes me hurt to think I thought he was it and the reality is he'ds not. Now I just want the hurt to go away. I keep repeating to myself to breath...to let go...to forgive myself and to forgive him. But then, when I'm not prepared I feel like an avalanch hits me and my chest is in a vice. This has been the very worst break up in my dating history. Deep down my head knows I'll survive, I've survived the men before him and someday I'll be fine, but right now the heart hurts so much. I think that getting out there and dating would help...nothing serious just trying to meet new men...but the thought of that scares me. Why is heartbreak so hard? Why can't my heart do as my head says? I think it may be time to get professional help.

[Imprimatur]

I feel your pain. Exactly.

We wallow in it sometimes regardless of what our minds know are right. I long for the exact same things, but know my ex has moved on and the thought of ever finding a relacement is difficult to comprehend.

I am trying all kinds of techniques to get my mind to forget, they work for a couple days but not for long.

How did you feel after the 30 days NC? better?

I am at 16 days NC now, and although I long for the return, I don't feel the urgent need to contact. I still look for emails, and notice how quiet my inbox is these days.

 

I am searching for a way to accept it all and move on. It is hard. So very hard.

[Miss my Heart]

I was feeling better, stronger after no contact. But I still missed him. It hurt that he didn't contact me. But today, after a weekend of "talking" again I feel sick all over. I think it's best to stay with NC. Accepting it's over and letting go are hard enough as it is, having contact makes it worse. He said if we aren't friends then were enemies...but I feel if we aren't friends then we're nothing. If I can't have everything with him then I want nothing. Being friends makes me think there is hope. Having contact makes me weak. I want to tell him how I feel and that I miss him and beg him to try again. Pathetic. I say NC is the only way to go. It hurts, and you miss them but at least they don't know that. They don't feel sorry for you. And chances are pretty good your ex isn't thinking about you as much as you think about them. I know mine doesn't. I don't ever want to open my heart to him again and the only way to do that is to cut him from my life. I just hate that I still cry over him and I know I rarely cross his mind.

[lovelifexoxo]

I feel exactly the same way.. we have not talked for like a month and a half now. I stopped trying to talk to him 2 days after the break up. He has never tried to contact me since and I'm seriously so hurt over it. I guess judging by your story that not contacting him ever again is the best way to go. I hate that i sit here crying over him and he is off on a dating site (that we met on) looking for other girls.

[Imprimatur]

I believe its a fact that we think about them much more than they think of us. I think about my ex WAY too much, and I know it, and thats wrong.

My ex wants to be friends, but she is already seeing someone else and that kills me. Absolutely I can't do it. I agree with NC, almost everyone here advocates it for a reason.

I could easily have emails with my ex, and I would love it, and happily write away if I thought it would get me any further with her, or my own healing, but that would hurt me so much more.

[Miss my Heart]

I've found that that NC was really the best. I know I can contact him anytime I want and 9 times out of 10 he'll text me back or answer the phone...so it makes it that much harder to have NC, because contact for him is no big deal, it doesn't phase him if we talk or don't talk. And I want to talk to him but the fact that is, when I stopped calling him he didn't call me.

It's been over 3 months since I saw him...we still have a few mutual friends and we both play softball on the weekends but it's worked out that I haven't seen him since the start of June. I dread the day I see him. It makes my stomach tie into knots....especially because I know it will happen.

And, he still has some of my stuff...stuff I should forget about but it was expensive so I don't want to have to buy it again. I've asked for it back, he says he'll give it to me but everytime I said I'd be by he's had an excuse...I even offer to send my sister over so we wouldn't have to see each other.

On Saturday when we spoke, when I said the things you shouldn't say to your ex, he said if it's meant to be it will work out. Why does he have to say that? I don't understand why he can't just be an a$$ and say that the past is the past and we are done. He knows how I feel, why install hope when there is no hope to be had?

[jjcool00]

If you're not ready to deal with contact, then you must continue NC... If it's that easy to contact him then remove your means... delete his number, turn off your phone, delete your facebook, etc. NC helps you heal any contact will restart that process, especially if you don't get the answers or explanations you think you deserve. Initiate contact when you know you can handle the conversation even if he were to say something devastating like "Im in love with someone else", obviously just an example... but that's when you know you are ok to initiate contact.