Feeling lonley, health problems and medication

[Dlar]

Well,

 

My story is:

 

Get talking to an old friend, and talka hell of a lot. Every day, every night.

I have to go for an operation, but end up getting diagnosed with an illnes called Ulcerative Colitis.

Me and the mentioned girl still talk, a lot, but because she has a child I try not to get too attached or serious and we just stay friends.

As time goes on, we drift apart, her probably getting fed up of me just staying in the friend zone, and she meets someone else. This kills me and I realise how much I like her, so tell her my feelings. She isnt sure what to do, this guy has come along and dated her, got into a relationship with her whereas I was keeping my distance.

Few days go by, her and this guy fall out and she says it was because of me, I'm the one she wants and always has wanted. We get close again, go out a couple of times but nothing serious happens, and she starts to go a little cold on me, eventually stop talking to me and starts seeing the other guy again.

This kills me deep down, but after a couple of weeks I start to get my head straight - Only for her to get in touch again, saying she made a istake, she had a few things going on in her life and her head was not in the right place. I believe her, start talking again and go out a couple of times. She again starts to go cold, this time she says she has an infection, not well ect ect. I get a little jealous and paranoid, start asking questions as to why she's not talking to me, who shes with and if she's seeing someone else again.

 

Well, from here on things have gone from bad to worse, she won't talk to me, she's always out with her cousin, cousins new bf and his brother - This makes me tink maybe she's "dating" the brother of her cousins bf but I've not questioned it, just left it as it is.

 

Anyway, in comes my illness. I've not been the same since I was diagnosed, I have been really down, confidence has been shattered and I'm just low in general. Its such an awful illness, no cure unless you have an operation, an operation tht is also not nice to have at 24 years old!

 

I'm currently talking steroids to keep the flare down, but with the steroids come the ups and downs, and when I;m down I really feel it. All I want is for the said girl to be there for me, as a friend. To talk to me, ask how I am but instead she just carries on ignoring me as if I didn't exist!

I'm currently waiting for my nurse to call me back, as it looks like I may need to be admitted to get this flare up down. Again, I'm sooo worried and now feel like I'm so alone I'm dropping into some real depression. I have even been laid in bed thinking "Why am I even here? I may as well end it all".

 

My female friends all say I'm "the nicest guy ever" and that the person who marrys me will "be the luckiest girl in the world" but none of these know how depressed and down I get and I feel like I'm going to be alone for ever.

 

Sorry to ramble on and create multiple threads on here, I just need somewhere to spill everything as I have no one else to speak to!

 

Now back to the girl, how she can't even just reply to a text, say she hopes I'm ok is pretty heartless after all we've been through. I would never dream of just ignoring her or anyone else who was feeling low as I know it just makes things worse!

 

SOooooo fedu p

[RedDress]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

I think you have two problems going on and that you really have to separate them.

 

First let's talk about the girl. This girl? She's not the girl for you. You know this in your heart... you are not ok with her having a kid (or there is some other "blockage"). I think that you are just afraid to lose her as a friend and you also are afraid of being alone because of the possible pending operation. Those two fears are driving you to try to date her... but she is not the girl for you. If she was, you wouldn't be having a hard time getting the relationship to progress. Try not to be mad at her, she's kinda right when she goes cold on you... you are giving her mixed signals.

 

Now for the operation.

 

I'm going to assume that you mean that you need an ostomy. My sister has Crohn's disease and had to have an ostomy at 22 years old. I very much understand what you are saying. How is that sexy? That's what you are thinking. She went through the same problems and did the same thing. She married her then-boyfriend who was not right for her out of this fear.

 

So let me tell you how that worked out... The surgery? The best decision of her life. She was able to go a very long time (years) without being sick. Unfortunately, she did have to go back in for another operation or two because of further illness... but she wouldn't take back that decision. Ever. The marriage? A complete flop. You can't stay with someone out of fear. It won't work out... it never does. Her sex life? Fabulous! Yes... you do have to disclose that you have an ostomy going on and you have to answer a number of questions. People will be curious - but not in an "eww" way, in an empathetic way. I've seen it before... it's really not all that gross. And you know what? Someone that likes you will see past that. What is important is your health. It's very, very hard to be with someone who is sick all the time. It's not quality of life! You are sick... they feel bad... it's just not a recipe for success. A bag? You can totally get over a bag. She has since remarried and is both happy and healthy.

 

For what it's worth - her experience was not 'unique'. As a result of her surgery, we've met quite a few other people who have had ostomies. They've all been able to date, have sex and many have gotten married (hey... some people are just crotchety people. lol!)

 

Do what's right for your health. It's what you need to do and it's just another obstacle that you have to overcome. It's not the end of the world... it really isn't. As for this girl? Bah... you can do better.

 

Strong people are people who have faced challenges and have overcome them... not people who have never had to face a challenge in their life. You can totally get through this. Really, you can...

[Dlar]

I agree, at first I gave her mixed feelings and would not make any advances despite talking constantly by text and phone, so when she met someone else I said I don't blame you, but that really made me think how much I liked her.

I was then fine with her having a kid, I've met her a few times and had a good time with them, and really felt I could bond well with the child, help her look after her etc. The mixed feelings from me stopped a long, long time ago onc I told her my true feelings. She's now the one giving me mixed feelings.

 

I do maybe agree, I'm afraid of losing her as a friend, afraid of losing her and been alone with no one to talk to (We used to text when in bed, till one of us fell asleep, I'll miss that) but is it right to feel this strongly about someone if all you're worried about is been alone? Deep down I tell my self I can do better, I'm a nice guy and deserve to be with someone that deserves it, not someone who keeps messing me about.

 

 

My health does come first yes, I have just contacted my nurse and I'm having to go into hospital to have IV Steroids and get myself better. I will use this time in hospital to get my self feeling better, get my head straight and come out hopefully feeling fresh, well and able to move on.

 

Sorry to hear about your sister, Chrons is a much more serious than mine, but it's also nice to read storys about people getting on with life! The bag really worrys me, I'm not the best of looking guys i nthe world as it is so find it hard to attract someone who I am also attracted to (Self confidence there for ya!).

 

SO, I've deleted her number, deleted her mates number so I can't contact her either removed and blocked them both from facebook and I'm going to go from here.

 

Not going to tell her I'm in hospital or anything. Hopefully in a few months I will be feeling much happier, fresh and ready to move on!

 

Thanks RedDress