Crap! How to stop seeing your ex on a pedestal?

[Unwanted]

Soooooo I was in a long-term-long-distance relationship for 4 years...and been broken up for 4 months. Got over really fast. No more tears. Blah blah (see old posts).

 

Back into the dating game...AND IT'S REALLLLLLLLLLLLLY HARD.

 

I feel like I'm having to learn how to socialise again. It's weird. I get all shy and conscious and over-think too much and become all hesitant and hide in my little cocoon.

 

Anyway, I've dated a couple of guys. And it's been really fun. I'm learning what I like and what I don't like. I'm learning to be myself and not be too nervous. I'm learning to be around guys and NOT feel guilty (like I'm cheating or something).

 

But for some reason, I keep comparing them to my dead-beat, loser of an ex.

 

The ex was a 'musician' who was unemployed, sat around smoking pot, lazy, living beyond his means, living at home relying on parents financially (and me).

 

But I'm realising that there are far more worse guys out there!! At least my ex was a gentleman and was actually kind, caring and unselfish (in most things).

 

Maybe I've just had bad luck, and the guys I've been dating are just losers. But at the end of a date (or a couple of dates) I just keep thinking:

 

"Well, he's no [insert ex's name]...that guy was far worse!"

 

How do I stop seeing my ex on a pedestal?

 

I keep going back to my list of all the crap things I hated about my ex, but it seems the guys I've been dating have FAR MORE WORSE qualities.

 

Then after dates I just feel like crap and have to keep reminding myself that I was in a toxic relationship and I'm better off without the ex. But then I keep thinking "Ohhh at least the ex was this-that-etc"

 

 

[Meriem]

If you're not ready to date again, then don't!

[feenyx]

If you're dating and the first thing that comes into your mind is your ex, then yes, don't date. Your dates aren't supposed to be in some competition with your ex...and your ex shouldn't be the standard. Once you realize what your true standard is, then yes, date.

[The Man Who]

Don't judge anyone compared to your ex, it's a losers game playing that way.

 

Try not to focus on all the bad qualities of other men, there bound to have good qualities as well. Negative people focus on negative traits, try to think more positively. I think sub-consciously you don't want to get your ex off of the "pedestal" that you have him on.

[C_Unknown2005]

Your not ready to start dating yet...Give yourself time to heal the wounds and get your life back in order.