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A Crush Gone Wrong: Did I Get Played?


nikki blu

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I had a more than pleasant surprise this spring when I bumped into a former acquaintance. He yelled my name out in public, ran over to me and gave me the biggest smile and hug. It was a fairytale moment! I was instantly attracted, it took a minute for me to remember that we met out at my former regular bar hangout years ago.

 

Following that meeting there were occasional emails, my support at a couple of public events he and his company sponsored (not as a date), and the most recent was my invite out for a drink. He had just returned in town after a summer away with his company and I thought a homecoming drink would be a tasteful way to get to know him better.

I don't like to post my relationship status on my FB. I see no reason to do so, maybe until marriage, so I could understand why he doesn't post his. Still I kept a close eye on his FB, and guessed he was dating this chick that liked nearly ALL his posts. But recently, the name of the woman had changed. Hmmm...was he single again?

 

Needless to say, I was very nervous about meeting him out. He said yes to the drink...the only way he might not be interested is if he brought a friend, especially a female friend along. Well, I'm tripping out on my psychic abilities...Yes, he did.

 

I played it cool, we all chatted and had fun. My heart broke as he gushed about very recent reconnection with an old childhood friend and ex-girlfriend (broke up because of long distance) and she's moving in soon.

Moving on from those topics, the rest of the night was light and fun. They invited me to go to a party around the corner. Strangely, a few of his friends gave some knowing glances. Said they remembered me, and one noticed my weight loss. Did he talk to them about me?

 

We talked for hours away from the group, telling jokes, stories, sharing interests. Too many drinks later, his female friend got pissed at us about something and left, and we ended up at his place. We were laughing and talking, he asked me why I wasn't dating anybody. I admitted my frustrations and bad luck with dating and said I respected his newfound relationship, but I found him very attractive. He instantly kissed me and we made out. PURE FIRE. He passed out and I took a cab home. I texted him a thanks for last night, he responded it was an epic night.

 

Last time I saw him was to pick up something I left in his car that night. He said we never should have gone to that second bar. I said I had a great time and it made me realize I wanted to actively start trying to date. We chatted for an hour or two more. He made false promises about us hanging out again someday and that's it. On FB, it's been obscure references about his new love for his girlfriend and 1 "like" to NC from him and most recently LC to NC for me. It's been about a month, and one online date from hell and I can't get him outta my head. HELP!

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to be honest... from a guy's perspective... if he brought a girl to drinks with you, talked about a particular girl a lot and said that they were moving in together.... it sounds like he just drank to much, thinks you are very attractive, made a mistake by making out with you and then he admitted that he shouldnt have done what he did.

 

i think it is less of him trying to play you and more of the situation just happened to have the right conditions for you to like him, him to be attracted to you and then mistakes got made.

 

naturally people want what they can't have, and seeing as this guy is taken it means he is off the market and therefore you will want him more and any date you go on at this point will make you feel like things would have been better with this guy. so just relax, nothing is wrong with you or anything. just give it some time, go on as many dates as you can, and soon you will find someone that makes you forget about this guy. but give the guys you date at least 2 dates. first dates are awkward and nervous anyways so dont assume that you dont want to be with a guy just from a bad date. date from hell... call it quits. but if it is an ok date but not good give the guy a second shot and then call it off if you dont like him

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**sigh of relief** Thanks for the positive advice!!! That was my first online date meeting. And it was truly horrible, he was an obnoxious a**hole! But I won't give up that easy. As far as my crush is concerned, I'd like to continue our networking relationship, so I'm giving it a month or so before I go to an event I know he will attend.

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Wow. Thanks for kicking me while I'm down, but I think I can do a good job of it myself.

 

You posed the question in your title, so I answered it. And I'm not trying to "kick you"... I've been there, actually. Sometimes it's tempting to feel mistreated when we actually bring the problem on ourselves. In the future, just try to do a better job of looking out of for you.

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You posed the question in your title, so I answered it. And I'm not trying to "kick you"... I've been there, actually. Sometimes it's tempting to feel mistreated when we actually bring the problem on ourselves. In the future, just try to do a better job of looking out of for you.

 

Will do. Thanks for understanding.

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I'd like to continue our networking relationship, so I'm giving it a month or so before I go to an event I know he will attend.

 

Hi nikki,

 

On the surface you want continue the communication for work purposes, but is that all you want? Be honest. In all likelihood you will fall for him again and again be disappointed.

 

Some guys are like that to us. They're like catnip to a cat. Our normal common sense goes out the window and we start seeing stars, fantacising about how we can get them into our lives and make them fall for us.

 

Sadly it doesn't work like that. If this had been an mutual crush, you would be in a relationship with him by now. Are you in a relationship with him? No you are not. Because that is not what he wants. He is not confused, only going where his truth feelings lie, and that is not in your direction.

 

That is not going to change. You can't change it. We've all been there and we all know what it is like to have a crush. Yes, it really stings when a crush doesn't work out. But its far better to be brutally honest with ourselves once the final scores are in. "Yes I fancied the pants off him, damn him for not feeling the same. The git."

 

No more denial.

 

Naturally you are not going to fall for another guy immediately - you really liked this guy - but it doesn't mean you aren't go to feel the heat with another guy in future. And no-one is saying you should force your brain to forget about him immediately. Like that is possible! Just give it breathing space and let this crush die a natural death by giving him a very wide birth. Right now he's kryptonite to you sweetie. Best save the reunion for when you're immune.

 

Deci

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Hi nikki,

 

On the surface you want continue the communication for work purposes, but is that all you want? Be honest. In all likelihood you will fall for him again and again be disappointed.

 

No more denial.

 

Naturally you are not going to fall for another guy immediately - you really liked this guy - but it doesn't mean you aren't go to feel the heat with another guy in future. And no-one is saying you should force your brain to forget about him immediately. Like that is possible! Just give it breathing space and let this crush die a natural death by giving him a very wide birth. Right now he's kryptonite to you sweetie. Best save the reunion for when you're immune.

 

Deci

 

That's definitely my biggest fear. I want to be over him so badly, I'm very angry at myself about it. I'd love to go to these events with the possibility of meeting someone like-minded and single.

But will I really keep an open mind as long as he's in the room? And not to mention, if he introduces me to his girlfriend, I'd be pushing the knife in deeper! When will I truly be immune?

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