I get the urge to contact my ex way too much

[peanutbutterandjelly]

My ex broke up with me 2 years ago and I have been in complete nc for since march 2010, a year ald a half. What bothers me the most, is that I get the urge to quite frequently contact my ex. I consider it at least weekly. I most just want to yell at him for doing what he did to me and tell him what a horrible person is, but I know that will do no good. Deep down, I am probably still looking for closure even though I have been trying to find it for myself for the last year and a half, I still havn't been able to do so. I dont know what to do, I just want to stop thinking about contacting my ex and thinking about him all together.

[whysoalone]

Delete everything you have of him, his number, cards, letters, photos. Anything. Burn it all, get rid of it.

 

That's the first step.

[Princess123]

I know exactly how you feel. Except in my case its only been a few days and I left him. All I want to do is let him have it but I know that he probably doesn't care that he is that way, let alone care what I have to say. So pointless, very much so.

 

I'm proud of you for being able to be strong and keep in nc. I hope I can do the same.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Delete everything you have of him, his number, cards, letters, photos. Anything. Burn it all, get rid of it.

 

That's the first step.

 

i already did that before i even went into nc a year and a half ago

[Mesemene]

My first serious relationship, when it fell apart and he dumped me, about 8 months after (and in the early days I did the whole begging, pleading, stalking thing, and was completely pitiful) I actually had a "mini bonfire" party for myself. I took one of the large coffee cans into my backyard, built a small fire in the bottom, and burned pics, cards, and begging letters I'd thankfully not sent after the initial begging stage. I even wrote down some stuff I wished I could've said, and burned that too. Things like how it hurt me when he cancelled plans last second to hang out with friends, how he'd been an insensitive jerk when my grandmother died, you name it.

 

It wasn't a cure all - but it did help me vent a bit privately, and got rid of some unneeded reminders I still had hanging around.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

ive tried writing in journals, writing him letters that I won't send, but nothing seems to work

[Princess123]

Have you dated since?

[symbiot]

Sometimes I visualize tha I am talking to my ex and a finally get to have the conversation that I have wanted to for so long. I know her very well and can pretty much imagine how she would react and what her body language would be. I imagine myself saying everything I want to say but with dignity and grace and very articulate. I helps me sometimes.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Have you dated since?

 

i have gone on a bunch of first and second dates, had a brief 1 month thing, i just havn't found anyone im interested in and the people that i am interested in aren't interested in me.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

Sometimes I visualize tha I am talking to my ex and a finally get to have the conversation that I have wanted to for so long. I know her very well and can pretty much imagine how she would react and what her body language would be. I imagine myself saying everything I want to say but with dignity and grace and very articulate. I helps me sometimes.

 

thats interesting, i will try doing that

[Princess123]

Trial and error sweetie. You had a few rebounds, so to speak, so you will find the next guy who will sweep you off your feet. I know you probably done everything imaginable and I'm sure this is one of them but have you focused on maybe a new activity? Example if you were to go kayaking you be learning something new and preoccupying your time with this new thing. Finding a group who does it and you can fill your life with new memories. Then you will have these new memories and the ones of your ex start to fade away. Is that too hopeful to think that way?

[symbiot]

thats interesting, i will try doing that

 

 

Good. Try it. Go somewhere that you can speak out loud to yourself so that you can hear your own voice. Imagine as much detail as possible. Whe I do this I'm dressed very very well and we are in a coffee shop .....

[donpeel83]

Symbiot, I do that as well. I find of helps loads and helps to erase pain and just get my thoughts out there.