Jump to content

My Boyfriend´s Female Friend


NJS

Recommended Posts

I feel so stupid writing this because I know I am wrong for being so jealous, and I know that my boyfriend is allowed to have friends.

 

In fact he has many female friends that he hangs out with sometimes and it dosen´t bother me at all. But I don´t know why this one friend of his bothers me so much. Usually I am not a jealous person at all. It isn´t really that I think they might have a romantic relationship going on or anything, I am absolutely not afraid of that. I guess I am jealous of the time he spends talking to her.

 

They used to be really good friends in high school then she started hanging out with other people and started treating my boyfriend really poorly...Now that all her friends have jobs and moved away she has been talking to my boyfriend more. They were best friends so they tell each other everything.

 

I have been living with my boyfirend for 2 and a half years now, I live in a country where I have no family or friends of my own. I can´t work during the day because I am on a student visa, and I have no classes anymore...so basically I am stuck alone at his house all day everyday working on my research, because he works all day during the week. I look forward to the weekends I can spend with him. But now whenever we go out on the weekends he is constantly chatting with this female friend the entire time he is with me, on his blackberry. And sometimes he even makes plans to go with her to cafes on the weekends to talk with her. This wouldn´t bother me so much if he went during the week after work or something, but I just get so upset that he would rather spend his weekend with her than with me. He dosen´t do it all the time, maybe once a month but it just upsets me because I feel like he prefers to spend time with her than with me.

 

For example yesterday we went out to a cafe and he talked to her on his blackberry the entire time, I told him it bothered me and he said he would stop. Then we went to another place and he was still talking to her, I again said it bothered me and he said he was saying goodbye, we went to another store and still he was talking to her until we got home, he said she was telling him about her ex boyfriend problems...This continued for another hour or so at home unitl I finally got so upset I took his phone and turned it off to get him to stop! Now today he´s gone to talk to her in a cafe for a few hours and told me to go meet up with him once he was done talking to her,so we could go to her house and giver her and her mom some invitations to a party we are having. I told him he could go but that I wasn´t going to go meet up with them only when they say I can...I have not once been invited to go with them. The invitations to go are always only for him. The one time that we went out with a bunch of friends and she was invited she did not say more than one sentence to me. And then she left early to go meet up with her other firends. Other times where I have seen her for a few minutes after she was done talking to my boyfriend and I was ¨allowed¨ to go meet up with them, she did not say anything to me those times either.

 

I guess to make it short, I think I am just annoyed that she has treated him so badly in the past and continues to do really mean things to him, and he continues to hang out with her instead of me....I think I am over reacting here but it just really upsets me and I guess I just needed to vent a bit!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, I'm the one that usually takes the stand that people should be able to do what they want and have any friends that they want, as long as it's platonic. But this is just over the top! This is not so much about the girl as it is the fact that he is being rude and ignoring you. That's what really bothers you, isn't it? I don't blame you. I'd let him know that his actions are hurting me and I would make my own set of friends and leave ASAP.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Actually, if someone took me out and spent the entire time texting or talking to someone else - I wouldn't care if they were male, female, or feLINE. It's like those lovely companies that call you and then slap you on hold - it's rude and disrespectful, IMO, and would hit my hot button as well.

 

Actually, that might be a way to bring it up. Ask him if he's gotten those calls from survey companies or telemarketers that call, and when you answer, promptly give a canned welcome message followed by "please hold for an agent!"

 

If he says he finds it really annoying/rude - tell him that's how you feel when you go out with him, and he spends the whole time focused on his blackberry - like you've been stuck in a hold queue.

 

The way I'm reading it, it's not so much the time he's talking to her, or even their past relationship, it's the disrespect, and the attitude that makes you feel like you're taken for granted that's bothering you - it probably wouldn't matter if she was a guy. It's the feeling of being put aside constantly and relegated to being less important, even when he's out with you.

 

I can't imagine he'd be pleased if you spent the whole time at the cafe chatting with a school friend you ran into, excluding him and having him sitting there like a lump - he shouldn't expect you to be pleased with it either.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well sometimes he does spend time chatting with other friends both male and female while we are out and it bothers me but not as much when it is with her....most of the time it is with her anyways.

 

I have told him several times that it bothers me. One time he toldme it bothers him when people are out in a group and someone has headpones on listening to music the whole time. I told him I feel the same about his blackberry. But he kept doing it, so I told him from now on I will take out my ipod and listen to music everytime he starts talking to people on his blackberry. He still does it though. Well he just got his blackberry a few months ago so I thought maybe because it was a new thing it would just be like that for a few weeks.

 

One time he was chatting with her on his phone while I was waiting to watch a movie with him...so I grabbed my laptop and asked him how he feels if I am chatting to people while I am watching a movie with him. He said it bothered him...yet he still continues to do it!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...