ex birthday party and reconnecting.

[rescueme]

Basically, he broke up with me a year ago because he said he just didnt feel the same way about me anymore. It was our first relationship for both of us/ first love. I know I made mistakes.. so did he, we just didnt know how to handle a relationship back then, both got a bit distant and awkward... I got a new boyfriend and learnt a lot from him. We recently ended, mutually, all is fine. But from that I found I still love my ex ever so much. However since the break up he hasn't been in contact with me- we;re at the same uni... I see him all the time due to mutual friends- he'll talk business bit shuns anything personal, tends to watch me but not approach, everytime I try and talk to him his gets all nervous and escapes ASAP etc.... though last week we managed to be in the same room together for a good few hours and I actually got a smile out of him once!Bust still finds it hard to meet my gaze.

He's invited me to his birthday party, along with about 13 other friends (which is a bit odd seeing as we never really speak), and I'm wondering whether or not it would be a good time to try and reconnect- talk to him etc... his parents will be there and I get on well with them, but do I spend time talking to them too?

 

Does anyone have any advice on all of this, hes very reserved and heard to read- difficult to approach, and I just need some sort of idea how to go about talking to him/ making amends because every time I do something it seems to push him away more!

 

Help me please wise E-notalone forum people!! xx

[Mesemene]

How do you feel, emotionally, about it? Are you hoping for a reconciliation, or are you genuinely just curious? The big thing is - you have to watch your own "emotional barometer" and make sure you wouldn't be hurting yourself by going, and being disappointed if you find he was just being nice. Mutual or not, breakups hurt. And opening yourself up to more of it isn't in your best interests.

 

Only you can really evaluate how you feel it would affect you - just be very careful.

[RedDress]

I don't think you should go.

 

This might be a little hurtful but it's what I think...

 

First - if you have mutual friends (13 of them!), he likely only invited you because *not* inviting you might have been awkward. I mean... if he's inviting all those other people (mutual friends) but specifically not you... it kinda makes it look like he's mad at you or has something against you. From the sounds of it (you guys don't really talk, he avoids eye contact, tries not to really be in the same room, etc) - he's just trying to show that he doesn't particularly have any hard feelings towards you... not sure I'd read into it that he actually wants you there.

 

Then, to add to that, his parents will be there. Definitely awkward! Like you said... do you talk to them? Not talk to them?

 

I think your better course of action is to decline this invite with some plausible excuse (there's a family reunion that weekend or... someone is coming in from out of town... or something). This way, you can avoid all awkwardness but also not offend anyone by not going.

 

If you want to reconcile, you should make the attempt... but not at his birthday and not with his parents around.