Happy their happy?

[Timefornc]

Trying so hard to be happy that they are happy even though I'm not. I know its down to me to make me happy but the task seems impossible.

 

The idea of being with someone else like she is just doesn't make sense.

 

I do love her, I do want her happy and I know I wouldn't want her if she doesn't want to be with me.

 

How do you veterans allow yourself to be happy that they are happy, even when they are now with someone else?

[Live-N-Learn]

Through self worth and self esteem. You have to see your own value and understand that this just was not the right person for you if they could leave you. And that you deserve so much more than someone that will bail out. Honestly, I don't really care if my ex is happy or not, she is not my responsibility any longer.

 

Time to stop focusing on her and focus on building your life and being your own best friend. I know it is hard but that is the only way to get beyond this.

[Jetta]

Not especially, though I am happy my daughter is taken care of happy since he took over custody and he himself wasn't doing such a good job, but his wife is much better about it.

[Carus]

I'm not sure if anyone could truly happy that they've been left for another, but after a while you just care less and less what they're doing*

 

The mother of my son was always a pretty good mom to him...I was happy for that*

 

Stay Strong

Carus* 8-)

[lemsip]

Sod that they're happy for the time being.

 

Think about yourself - I'm sure in time we'll be happy for our ex's. But we need to move on first.

[Mesemene]

Expecting yourself to be really happy for someone who has left you, especially while you're still getting past the pain, just isn't realistic. Frankly, I wanted my exes to be as miserable as I was at first. (Heck, I wanted to boil them in oil, flay them alive, and scream "how COULD you??" Until I got answers.) And it was a pretty long road to realizing I was investing way too much energy on how someone was feeling who didn't give a rat's behind how *I* was feeling to get past that part alone. For me, it was more realizing later that, after he'd had several failed relationships and was miserable, and I'd come to a much better place and was content - his misery DIDN'T make me happy. It made me feel rather awkward when we did talk (ex husband, and father of my kids) since I sure didn't want to rub anything in his face - and made me realize that how his life was going was no longer really, anything at all to do with me, and that I didn't WANT to have anything to do with it anymore.

 

And that was a huge, huge relief to me. It felt really, really strange at first, and TBH, it still does, even though I've been happily re-married now for 6 years. We were married for 15 years, and together for a few before that, so sometimes it still feels rather odd that I'm no longer responsible for him, his feelings, his issues.

 

When he is in a relationship, I'm more happy from the outlook that my kids and friends aren't worried about him than anything to do with him and any depth of emotion - and while that feels a bit shallow, I have my own friends, my (now grown) kids, and life to deal with. So I wouldn't say that when he's happy, it thrills me, it just doesn't hurt me anymore, and I hope it lasts in a general way. I just don't feel at all tied down by his state of mind anymore, it's more the kind of "I hope you're well" wishes I'd give any acquaintance that still sits on the fringes of my life, but doesn't influence it anymore.

 

I hope that makes some sort of sense!

[Mellie]

I'm in the "who cares if they're happy, you need to look out for number 1" camp. What I know wouldn't make me happy is having any of that nonsense in my face so I'd remove myself from any form of their presence so far as humanly possible.

 

It's lovely when you can be happy for an ex being in love. I remember seeing one of my ex's was getting married and I was really very happy for him. This particular ex, after he broke up with me, I was so cut up I tried to commit suicide. And I really meant it. But here I was, sitting here, genuinely thrilled to see pictures of him and his fiancee. But it was 16 YEARS LATER. And she was a minger.

 

Time heals all wounds. Don't pretend everything's peachy, it'll just * * * * you up. Just remove them from your surroundings and eventually your head will get where it needs to be. Concentrating on not her, but you.

[BlueRose66]

Agreed that time does heal all wounds. I am in now way wishing for my ex to be happy, granted its only been 3 months since the BU and a few weeks since last contact.

 

I feel like saying to her, "HEY, MAKE SURE THE NEXT PARTNER YOU ARE WITH IS A MIND READER AND DOESNT MIND BIENG SECOND AFTER YOUR DOGS AND LAST EX B&^%$"

[greywolf]

I've always wished for my exes to be happy, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt at the same time.

[symbiot]

I wish I could want her to be happy but she left me for another boy and I just have a hard time hoping she is happy with the boy she cheated on me with. I gave her everything that I could possibly give her. She was my whole world.

[AutumnBorn]

You need to realize that your happiness isn't dependent on her. It truly isn't.

[Naomi99]

I don't want my ex to be happy if it in any way negatively impacts me.

[jjcool00]

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago and I have been in NC for about a month now... I've found out some truly disheartening information from some people that she has returned to her old job (the job she hated more than anything on earth, this past week)... also I found out she is moving out of her apartment and back home with her Mother. Most people would probably feel like this is karma or whatever and be somewhat pleased... but I truly feel terrible... im not happy shes not happy... I want her to be happy... if I can't make her happy I would hope something would... it's literally bothered me for a week that she is going through these rough times and there's nothing I can do to help her anymore or that she's not happy... she was MISERABLE working at that old job and when she left it, it was clear in her demeanor that it was the best thing that had happened to her in a while...

[mhowe]

I'm not sure that we wish them happiness, as much as peace. Acknowledging that the BU was disruptive to both sides, and caused a lot of turmoil --- I didn't so much care if he was happy --- but I didn't want him looking at dispair or guilt.