Fela Kuti Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Hi guys, I've been seeing this girl secretly for about two months. We get along great and I can even see us having a future together. There's one catch: she's my ex's best friend. These past few days she's been acting distant. When I asked her about it by phone, she answered it's because after 2 months of pondering she's getting more unsure that this relationship is worth risking her friendship and then she asks me what if we become friends instead I said let's just meet up and talk about this more. So guys, what should I say and do to save this relationship and convince her to talk to her friend? I'm thinking that I could be the one that talks to her friend. I'd say, "Do you mind if I make a move on one of your best friends?" This way, my girl will stay out of the picture. But I don't know, I'm really devastated and need a lot of advice. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakeItCount Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Play with fire, get burned...that's the first thing that comes to mind. Also, "secretly" pops out. How long were you and your ex broken up for before you two started dating? Who broke up with who? How long did you and the ex date? etc etc.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fela Kuti Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Play with fire, get burned...that's the first thing that comes to mind. Also, "secretly" pops out. How long were you and your ex broken up for before you two started dating? Who broke up with who? How long did you and the ex date? etc etc.. Naturally we had no choice but to keep this a secret until the time is right for her to bring up the news to her friend. Here's the facts: I was in the relationship for 2 years, I'm the one who broke it up, 2 months later I started seeing her friend, so now it's 4-5 months since I broke up with my ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalalollipops Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Eh... If that girl had a conscience, she wouldn't do anything with you. Come on! Long term relationship, you broke it off, then starting messing with her best friend after TWO months ??(also, there's always a friendship code. I would never do that. That's low)There's alot of girls in this world... Why pick her. Man I feel sorry for the ex =(. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LN1987 Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I don't know if I believe in karma in a true sense.... But I was in a similar-ish situation (friend, my ex, my ex ex bf) it was very messy from the start when everyone found out and it really strained our relationship for its entirety... I got mine in the end when he walked away without so much as a flinch, so I guess my point is... Karma may catch up with you my friend, with you and her! ( If I was your ex, and my best friend was with my ex-bf after two months, the girl would be losing a best friend thats for sure) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 If a relationship is really over, i.e. both individuals realize it was right to end the relationship, I don't see why you shouldn't date a friend of an ex. Assuming there was something that attracted you to her personality it's not so surprising that you would also find someone interesting in her circle of friends. Of course I wouldn't suggest that you have flings with friends of exes, but if you truly believe this person could be a life long partner, I don't think it's right to give this up, for an ex who turned out not to be right for one reason or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fela Kuti Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 ok guys, I appreciate all of your advice, but if there's one thing to keep my chance alive and create the least damage, what is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Dude, I just think that you need to accept it's bad form and your dating partner is having a conscience. You can't change her mind about that. Did you always have feelings for her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fela Kuti Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Dude, I just think that you need to accept it's bad form and your dating partner is having a conscience. You can't change her mind about that. Did you always have feelings for her? I started to grow feelings for her when my relationship with my ex went downhill. that was about 1-2 weeks before our breakup. why did you ask? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lalalollipops Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 If a relationship is really over, i.e. both individuals realize it was right to end the relationship, I don't see why you shouldn't date a friend of an ex. Assuming there was something that attracted you to her personality it's not so surprising that you would also find someone interesting in her circle of friends. Of course I wouldn't suggest that you have flings with friends of exes, but if you truly believe this person could be a life long partner, I don't think it's right to give this up, for an ex who turned out not to be right for one reason or another. They had a long relationship. And this girl is the ex's best friend. Uh. Seriously?? You don't see anything wrong with that?? Wow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LN1987 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I'm with Lala.... I think it is a big no go zone.... And like I said I fell into this with my ex and it came back to get me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I think there is something wrong, if I have decided that some guy is (for whatever reason) not suitable for me as a partner to deny him to date one of my friends, if they would both be more suitable for each other and there is a potential for them to both find happiness. Of course the reason for the breakup may play a role, but so far I only have dated men that are decent human beings. The breakups had never had to do with cheating or them turning out to have a negative character - we were just not suitable as relationship partners. But I don't hate them and still think they are great individuals. I would be horrified if one of my friends would give up a chance for her own happiness, because she feels the needs to protect my pride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fela Kuti Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I appreciate your point of view. You have a big heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LN1987 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I dont think it is about pride. Also you have not filled us in with the details of their BU. If it was bad, he broke her heart, then I stand by my position on this. And this is from experience, not just of my own circumstances but of others... If this girl is close to the other girl, and you hurt the ex, then it will cause a lot of heart ache for some. I know you will go ahead, as I did, but like I said, I hurt a few people along the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fela Kuti Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I dont think it is about pride. Also you have not filled us in with the details of their BU. If it was bad, he broke her heart, then I stand by my position on this. And this is from experience, not just of my own circumstances but of others... If this girl is close to the other girl, and you hurt the ex, then it will cause a lot of heart ache for some. I know you will go ahead, as I did, but like I said, I hurt a few people along the way. Here's some details: It's not really what you'd call a bad breakup. I felt that I smothered by her neediness so I asked to take a break. She was surprised but she accepted it. A week later, I decided that I didn't have any feelings left so I break it up. I can tell she was disappointed a lot because it's so sudden to her. I even still wonder now what made the feelings gone all so suddenly. I don't know about going ahead, it depends on my girl's decision. But she already told me that it might be too big of a risk to tell her friend about this and she's really afraid to do that. So here I am, asking the best possible way to make the least damage while I keep dating her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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