MadxMythMadame Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 One of my best friends has been in an on-and-off relationship with her boyfriend for a whole year now. As their relationship kept going, it grew into a very emotionally abusive relationship. He's always been clingy, jealous, very unclear about his feelings about everything, and unable to adapt to changes in her life as well as his. I can't say she's a saint either. At first, she was just easily bored, but eventually she became more and more insecure, clingy, paranoid, and has always had problems making her feelings clear to him. Their fights were always yelling to be point of helplessness and confusion - throwing petty remarks and pointing each other's faults instead of resolving the actually issue. She's always told me how unhappy she was with him, but always told me that she loves him and when they're broken up, how she misses him and wants to be his friend, ETC. ETC. Now, I'm not against people having an on-and-off relationship - I believe that distance can make the heart grow fonder and make things more clearer if you use that time for that; however, it bothers the living sh#$ out of me when I see someone - one of my dearest friends, let herself go through something so emotional staining - hoping for change that has been promised time and time again, pretending that the past didn't happen, thinking that no one is going to love her the way he does (which is what he told her during one of their break-ups). For a long time, I just give my input and advice - the same, "You deserve someone that makes you happy. He doesn't understand how to be in a relationship. He hasn't changed - and is probably not. If you're going to get back together with him, you need to give each other time to figure things out and feel secure on your own, without him. ETC." And all she says is, "You're right, I know. I know you're right. I'm lonely. I know. ETC ETC." I supported her through thick and thin, but now... I feel like an enabler. Nothing has changed. She's with him again - and I don't know how to let her "do her" (a mutual friend's wording), knowing that it hasn't worked in the past. So I'm trying this new thing to me called tough love - I'm ignoring her. I know, it's not mature and she has been trying to contact me (really really pissed off and according to her, worried), but I honestly don't know what to say to her anymore, or just have a normal conversation without her problems with her boyfriend in the equation. I don't want to say that wrong things due to the fact that she's really sensitive and I'm naturally honest. I really want to figure out what I should do or say at this point. I feel wrong about being by her side and backing her while she's still with him. But a mutual friend of ours has brought to light that that's what friends do. I don't regret what I've already done, I just don't want make a move I regret. Link to comment
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