Post-break up advice?? Seriously i need it!!!

[bboonnzzaaii]

I guess you can say I'm in that phase of psychotic post break up when you wear a shower cap all week and yell at your cats for no reason. I need advice BAD

 

I was with my bf (love of my freakin life) for a year and a half. He is a little bit older than me. (25/30) We had issues because I knew I was a rebound, but it still ended up going really long and he did care about me. I initiated the break up 3 weeks ago, took it back until he re-broke up for good. I called him (drunk) crying and asked if we can get back together. OBVIOUSLY he said no. He didn't call me and I didn't call him for two weeks. Then I used some stuff I left at his apt as an excuse to call him and in the process found out that he's ALREADY DATING AND ALREADY HAD SEX WITH ONE GIRL but technically not seeing anyone specific.

 

I'm gonna tell him that I don't want the stuff and that I don't want to talk to him anymore. is that what i should do??

 

WHAT I NEED TO KNOW is: what should i do at this point to make him want me back, miss me, anything?! I'M NOT ASKING THIS BECAUSE I WANT HIM BACK. I'm asking this because it feels so wrong that I'm this messed up about it and he's not. I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER, i just want him to feel what i'm feeling eventually and i want to know how to do it right!!

 

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO. THIS IS SERIOUSSSS

[LDRohnos]

I think you just need to start moving on and care less (not at all) about what he's feeling.

[Mesemene]

Move on. You have control over only one thing, and that's you, and your self respect and actions.

 

You can't "make" him feel, do, or say anything. You can, however, preserve your dignity from this point, and make sure you don't make yourself feel even worse. He doesn't seem to be having issues moving on without you if he's already dipping into the casual dating/sex pool, it's time to get your focus off of him and his feelings, and worry about yourself. You have the hurt and anger from the breakup to deal with, and you can't even begin to do that if you're dwelling on what he's doing, how he's feeling, etc.

 

Take control of what you can - make sure he's completely cut out of your life, and start healing.

[meoww]

Well if he still has feelings for you, you can definitely pull on his heart strings with a little finesse.

 

I don't recommend this at all though. It just prolongs your own heartbreak and can seriously mess with your heart. I can't think a single time I played this game and felt like it was worth it.

[Rose30]

You need to start doing NO CONTACT now, no more excuses, no giving him your stuff or taking back his stuff or drunk calling texting or anything else. It will be very hard but its the only way to keep your own sanity and start healing. Also if he does have any left over feelings for you the only way he will realize that and miss you is if you do no contact, if you keep calling or texting or what ever not only will he not miss you he will also lose all respect for you, and you will start losing respect for yourself too.

 

I also really recommand you read a book called its called a break up because its broken, it takes a humourus look at break ups and it has helped me alot over the years.

 

good luck

[windmask]

yea i gotta say u were the one who broke up with him and then went back to him am sure it made him realize that u can leave any time again. so yea i agree with him why get back with you again when u can drop someone so fast. however now the only thing u can do is move on with your life u prolly wont have a whole lot of problems doing that since u left him once already. i think u now u only want him back because hes kinda getting noticed by other women. just move on theres nothing else left if its meant to be he will come back but dont put ur life on hold.

 

good luck

[Ms Darcy]

It's time to move on dear. It is tough because it was a rebound to start, so it didn't start off on the right foot.

[bboonnzzaaii]

Thanks for the replies, guys. All of you are right -- I very obviously just need to start moving on and healing.. it just sucks. And btw, Rose30 I am reading that book right now. It really does help by talking some last minute sense into me. But UPDATE We were supposed to meet today to exchange stuff and when he called I told him that I didn't need to come by and he could keep it. Automatically he kind of insisted that i come to get it anyway and i said no. i was quick to get off the phone and even though (leaving it on a permanent note) we had no reason to talk again he kept saying that he's gonna give me a call tomorrow. What's the point? Is he gonna start playing games with me because it seems like I moved on?

 

More importantly, should I pick up when he calls? Also what i forgot to mention is that i found out he was dating after i told him that i was dating too.