I think i've lost my boyfriend for good, keep blaiming myself, advice please?

[rebellefleur]

I'll try not to make this story super long. I just need some perspective outside of people who know us as a couple. I would REALLY appreciate some advice.

 

We've dated for a year and about a month and lately we constantly fight. It's not like we have severe problems, no betrayal, etc. We just don't get along at all. But the love is still there, maybe it's faded but for awhile we kept trying to work at it. I came home for the summer but nothing changed and then we were back to long distance without resolving anything.

 

The most current problem was this. Whenever we get in fights or even when i try to communicate with him, my boyfriend gets so angry and overwhelmed. He'll just scream at me and not understand what i'm getting at- but the worst thing is that he'll break up with me so much and so easily. And then i'll go through all of the emotions of thinking we're done for good- the crying, the extreme hurt, the depression, etc. Either i'll calm him down and talk him into staying, or he'll come back on his own and text me the next morning, apologizing. A few days ago he did it again- twice- in one day. The second time in the day was pretty bad and it seemed like he was legit about leaving me. I was so angry, hurt, upset, and frustrated so i went out with some friends to clear my head. I ended up getting too drunk and i kissed a guy friend of mine. Come the next morning, i wake up to a text from my boyfriend apologizing for everything. I was at the point where i was so sick of constantly being left just to think he can come back and be okay.

 

I told him i could forgive him but if we were going to continue this, i needed to be honest with him- and i told him about the stupid kiss with my guy friend. He flipped out and ever since then has basically been treating me like i cheated on him- which i didn't- he broke up with me! I would never cheat. He's punishing me and i feel terrible. He broke up with me and keeps telling me he needs time to think. He keeps telling me that the kiss is what made him change his mind about everything. He even is talking to his friends and they're telling him to not continue the relationship.

 

I'm just so hurt and it's killing me. I was just so fed up with being someone he thought would be there no matter how many times he left out of anger. I realized i hurt him, but he's making me feel like i did something incredibly unforgiveable. He keeps telling me he doesn't know if we'll continue this because he doesn't know if he can forgive me. He keeps saying he needs time. I'm just so scared to lose him because i really do love him. What do i do?

[solong123]

Honestly, you deserve better than this plain and simple. I'm sure you both have your flaws but a person that loves you will not break up with you off and on so often with so little care. It's a game, and it's not right. If he's acting like this now and not changing, imagine a future with this guy. You would be absolutely miserable. I was in the same position as you and trust me as much as it hurts to let it go for good, it would hurt even more to stay with someone that treats you like crap. You deserve more respect than this. He can't communicate and basically tries to control you. He will never learn until you are gone for good. And even then he may never change. Do you really want to continue trying to pursuing things with someone that may be like this forever?