Are relationships supposed to be easy or hard?

[Madamdiva007]

I've heard both. Some people say a relationship should never be terribly difficult, it should always be smooth and easy if it's with the right person. I've heard others say that all relationships are difficult and require a lot of work. What do you guys think?

[RedDress]

Both!

 

I think that at the beginning and for the majority of time it should be easy. Every relationship, though, will have it's rough spots that you will need to work through.

 

When the good times outweigh the bad (over the course of the entire relationship), you should work on it.

 

When the bad times outweigh the good (over the course of the entire relationship), it's time to find someone else.

[Fudgie]

I don't think of relationships as horribly hard if you're with the right person and have good communication skills. I'm not one to get into arguments or fight a lot. If you keep things open and don't freak out over small things, it's really not that bad. Then again, I'm pretty accommodating.

 

I think the "work" comes in in terms of keeping a relationship fresh over a long period of time. You need to plan dates and fun new stuff together.

[Flyingpiglet]

Well, I guess its a fine line but I would say, for a LTR, yeah sure you have to work at it.

But if its a relationship worth keeping, it wont feel like hard work. More like just taking time to discover each other and find out what makes each other 'tick'

It's all about compromise, and how much you undersatnd and accept each others needs.

[midnightdeirdre]

RedDress, you are so right!

[annie24]

I think that relationships shouldn't be like pulling teeth. over the course of time, of course a couple is going to run into challenges and things might get hard. but overall, it should be easy and nice. especially in the beginning. if you think you two need to go to couples' counseling after 3 months, just better to break up.

[shes2smart]

In should be easy in the sense that there's enough basic compatibility that you're not constantly butting heads about things.

 

Hard in the sense that you are still 2 different people, and while you may have a lot in common, you will still have differences of opinion that may need to be resolved/compromised on. Some of those differences of opinion will be small or on relatively unimportant things....some will be larger differences or differences on very important things.

[Mesemene]

I was going to say "both!" as well.

 

It's work - but like those of us fortunate to have a job or career we love - it doesn't feel like work when both people are working together.

 

There will always be times that things aren't so great, but then there are the times things are SO good it's energizing, and gives you strength for other things in life, too.

[Princess123]

Ever seen those couples who just don't work together? Ever seen those couples you wish you could be who are so in love and have such a great relationship?

 

I think the ones that say it shouldn't be easy is because they are in a relationship they aren't 100% satisfied or happy with, so they justify that having hard times is a good and necessary thing.

 

The ones who say its easy must be the ones who have truly found the right person. Where everyday seems to be sunshine, the man sends her flowers, leaves her notes, and she does things in the equal. They are compatible on so many levels and rarely find things to fight about. When they do fight its nothing big and easily resolved.

 

The ones who don't care or don't know? Well those are the ones who are single and sometimes bitter.

 

And the ones who say relationships are easy, are also the ones who get this on days that aren't just special occasions. Just because.

 

[sjjohnson89]

With most relationships, you have that 'honeymoon' phase at the beginning, where everything usually feels perfect and couldnt be better, problems arent really a problem etc. You know what im talking about. Thing is, this isnt the reality as two people become more deeply connected with each other. At the start, once youve got past that awkward first date stage, things might be put under the banner of 'easy' in terms of what we are talking about. As the relationship progresses and feelings become deeper, more and more challenges and obstacles will present themselves, though, this doesnt mean necessarily it will be 'hard'. Instead challenging, the different stages of growth within a relationship are like a series of tests, they arent meant to be easy though it shouldnt feel like a total chore. You should want to push through the challenges, the good times you have should be your inspiration when you go through bad times. When the good times are few and far between though over a certain amount of time, that is a time to question the relationship. If the relationship is becoming more and more taxing on the soul, emotionally draining to a point where its numbing its time to have 'the talk'. Either make the necessary changes and compromises or its time to move on. Staying in a relationship that is caving in will drain your life force away. Everything in life is relative though, as such isnt easy to simplify into a flow chart. If two people genuinely love each other, and, i say love not in the context of the overly used word that gets thrown from relationship to relationship without real meaning shown through what time reveals. They will stick together through the challenges that get in their way, these challenges will sometimes divert focus from feeling to the mental strain and pressure of life.

[rosephase]

I think the best kind of relationships (for me) are the ones that you have to work really hard at because you are constantly pushing yourself to be better and grow and your partner is helping you do that and you are helping them. A lot of hard work doesn't mean the relationship is "hard". Maybe I'm an odd one to ask because I seek out complicated relationships that take a huge amount of work. But it's all work that goes to my and my partners growth. I work my ass off at growing into the person I want to be, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and functionally. I need my partners to help me see ways I could be growing because it's super hard to have perspective on yourself so having a loving, caring outside eye is really important. But hearing "how you could be better" isn't easy. So that's part of the work.

 

And the work is more then worth it to me. So much more. It's really hard but the rewards are so high. So yeah I think relationships should be work but that's because I think life should be work. Fun, exciting, challenging and sometimes scary work. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[DN]

Relationships should be enjoyable.

[sjjohnson89]

Relationships should be enjoyable.

 

Of course they should be, but, that is not exactly the 'key' element. A fling is enjoyable, but it doesnt last. If you dont enjoy each others company though, of course there is a problem lol so in that respect yes, it is one of the key elements to a lasting relationship.

[DN]

Of course they should be, but, that is not exactly the 'key' element. A fling is enjoyable, but it doesnt last. If you dont enjoy each others company though, of course there is a problem lol so in that respect yes, it is one of the key elements to a lasting relationship.

You seem to be arguing both for and against my point.

 

I just think easy or hard are false alternatives.

[sjjohnson89]

You seem to be arguing both for and against my point.

 

I just think easy or hard are false alternatives.

 

Im saying that i agree but im also saying its not 'the' key' element, its just one off. The way it came off was as if it was 'the' key element, which it isnt. Basically more than one element is required for a relationship to work.

[Fudgie]

If a relationship is OVERALL not enjoyable, that is, the good doesn't outweigh the bad, then no, I would say that it wouldn't work.

 

If you're just not enjoying it or being around the person most of the time, it doesn't matter how many other factors fall into place, it just isn't healthy or sustainable.

[Jetta]

Relationships should be a team effort. You should both be working together to better the world, your world, your families world, and so on. If you are together and bad things are happening a lot it's time to release that relationship. God gives signs and he'll hit you over the head if you don't pick up on the smaller signs. I also believe that when you feel you're fighting an uphill battle or you two against the world your not with the right person. I was told not to marry either of the men I married (one by a priest the other a close friend). Neither relationship worked out, troubles were huge in both cases.

 

However thinking back on my parents long lasting marriage they had difficulties, nothing too major, but felt that way at the time I'm sure But it didn't compare to the difficulties I endured. However together overall they bettered the world (in small ways).