Jump to content

2nd time he cancels last minute should I just give up??

cereza

By cereza
in Dating Advice

Recommended Posts

cereza Apprentice

cereza

Posted
Posted

I haven't seen this guy in weeks and after a few weeks I didn't mind it anymore but then he tells me that he wants to go out this weekend and I get all happy and get all fixed and he tells me that he will only have a few hrs bcause has an appointment and things to do so I agreed. And then he cancels the next morning 2hrs bfore telling me that he is just really busy and cant make it but will make it up to me..is the second time that he cancels and I read something that at the third time u should just not date that person anymore. I felt so upset that I wanted to date someone else that same day..I haven't reply to his text and I don't know if I should reply at all...what should I do? answer him? what should I tell him? and should I give him another chance? I really like him but idk...

Link to comment
Mesemene Explorer

Mesemene

Posted
Posted

Back in the day when I was, well, about your age, I stayed in a relationship with a guy who did this for waaaaaay too long.

 

I can tell you the end result was me finally getting to the fed up point (it took a lot, I was hopelessly in love with him and SURE things would change) after no few weekends spent angry and depressed over his last minute cancellations or no-shows. If it looks like he's going to be a habitual last minute canceller - save yourself some grief and find someone who will do you the courtesy of either letting you know well ahead of time, or only making dates they know they can keep, barring an emergency.

 

I wasn't mean, but I was blunt, and finally told him "this isn't working for me, I'm done - this way we won't have this issue anymore." (He'd get angry and accuse me of being unreasonable when I'd get upset)

 

The truly frustrating part was... for a guy who never had time for me when we were a couple, he started showing up at all the places where my friends and I hung out several times a week!!! Made me gnash my teeth in frustration! All of a sudden, when I put my foot down, he magically had time for me over hanging out with his friends! And no, I didn't go back to him - that in itself told me in neon letters he had taken me for granted, and I wasn't going down that road again.

Link to comment
cereza Apprentice

cereza

Posted
  • Author
Posted

after how many cancellations should one just give up on that person? also we are not a couple yet bcause we don't know each other well and he is always saying how hard this couple of weeks have been for him because of school but then he shouldn't have ask me out because I told him to let me know if yes or no so that I wouldnt make other plans...that upset me the most.

Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Collaborator

CatsMeeoow

Posted
Posted

You set your self worth...

 

If this guy did indeed cancel at last minute due to legit reasons they usually follow it up with flowers or something of the life to let you know that they are really interested.

 

I would let it go but next time he asked me out I wouldn't clear my schedule. Simply state it doesn't work out for me. If he doesn't try all that hard to find a time that would that's a big signal that its time to move on.

 

Don't take it personally. Perhaps this guy really does have too much on his plate despite he is attracted to you but its still not going to work if he doesn't know how to treat you with the respect you deserve.

Link to comment
Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

Posted
Posted
after how many cancellations should one just give up on that person? also we are not a couple yet bcause we don't know each other well and he is always saying how hard this couple of weeks have been for him because of school but then he shouldn't have ask me out because I told him to let me know if yes or no so that I wouldnt make other plans...that upset me the most.

 

 

The early stages is when someone should be trying to impress. This guy is showing that you're a non-priority.

 

I would NEVER accept a date where someone has only a couple of hours, and I would only accept one cancelation, after that he's finished.

 

By accepting such behavior you will be showing someone that you do value yourself or time, and are willing to let others walk over you.

 

Sounds like he is too busy and inconsiderate. Next!!!

Link to comment
annie24 Grand Master

annie24

Posted
Posted
The early stages is when someone should be trying to impress. This guy is showing that you're a non-priority.

 

I would NEVER accept a date where someone has only a couple of hours, and I would only accept one cancelation, after that he's finished.

 

By accepting such behavior you will be showing someone that you do value yourself or time, and are willing to let others walk over you.

 

Sounds like he is too busy and inconsiderate. Next!!!

 

well, i disagree - if a guy only has a few hours, but wants to see you, i think that is a good thing. there is no reason that you must have an 8 hour date! especially if it's early on, what's wrong with just meeting for lunch?

 

but i think the 2nd time canceling - i would forget him and move on. 2 strikes, you're out.

Link to comment
Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

Posted
Posted
well, i disagree - if a guy only has a few hours, but wants to see you, i think that is a good thing. there is no reason that you must have an 8 hour date! especially if it's early on, what's wrong with just meeting for lunch?

 

but i think the 2nd time canceling - i would forget him and move on. 2 strikes, you're out.

 

I would agree if it hadn't been weeks since I had seen him-there had been some consistency. Plus, it is a weekend. So I guess we can disagree on this.

Link to comment
Oneironaut Explorer

Oneironaut

Posted
Posted
The early stages is when someone should be trying to impress. This guy is showing that you're a non-priority.

 

I would NEVER accept a date where someone has only a couple of hours, and I would only accept one cancelation, after that he's finished.

 

By accepting such behavior you will be showing someone that you do value yourself or time, and are willing to let others walk over you.

 

Sounds like he is too busy and inconsiderate. Next!!!

 

He has no regard for your time - his is more important than yours. Highly disrespectful.

 

This and this. As the saying goes, he's just not that into you, it appears. If you want to give him one more chance, that's cool...but don't be surprised if it happens again.

Link to comment
PrettyGood Rising Star

PrettyGood

Posted
Posted

This guy is treating you like a backup. It's a common example of the typical "booty call." It's just my example, but listen. First you doesn't see you in weeks. Later you agree to go out for a weekend and get all happy about it. At the same time he waits to hear back from someone else before confirming whether he can see you. When he gets an answer, he calls you and tells that he only has a few hours because he has an appointment. Probably at that day everything goes well for his as he was planning and then he calls you in the morning and cancels plans for that weekend to spend this weekend with that special someone else.

 

No matter how much you want to be with him, don't write him. At this point, you want to seriously consider not ever seeing him again. If you do write, you won't be more appealing to him, you'll be turning the dimmer switch down on his attraction for you. There is no way to hold your own in a relationship and simultaneously accept rude and disrespectful behavior. A quality man doesn't want a woman he can trot all over. There is nothing wrong with having a little self-respect - and a few conditions:

 

1) He needs to book your time in advance (not the last second). For example, he calls and says, "When can I see you?" Don't say, "I'm wide open around the clock. Pick a time. Anytime!" He suggests Friday. "Okay!" He suggests Tuesday. "Okay!" He suggests three weeks from next Sunday. "Okay!" Instead, politely tell him you have 2 nights that are good for you. Then let him choose ONLY 1. He'll probably choose both. Most people would tend to value an appointment more with a person who appears to be fairly busy but is willing to accommodate him than with one who is always open like an all-night convenience store.

 

2) Don't see him when you are tired. Especially late at night. Show him that he does not come before basic necessities (i.e., rest).

 

3) If you aren't having fun being with him or he isn't good company - end the date IMMEDIATELY, and give a superficial explanation as to why.

 

Don't be a doormat used for the last minutes.

Link to comment
Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

Posted
Posted
some people have to work on weekends.

 

True. I have over an hour commute each way, so this factors into my decision making. You're right. I can't apply to this all.

 

I think if he had been more responsive and not been making her such a low priority, it would change my opinion.

Link to comment
annie24 Grand Master

annie24

Posted
Posted
True. I have over an hour commute each way, so this factors into my decision making. You're right. I can't apply to this all.

 

I think if he had been more responsive and not been making her such a low priority, it would change my opinion.

 

oh, i agree - he is not making her a priority - that's not good. i wouldn't give a guy a 3rd chance to cancel on me.

Link to comment
annie24 Grand Master

annie24

Posted
Posted
Personally I'd be done with him. Once maybe twice no way, no matter how much I liked the guy I'd be done. But I haven't ever had a guy cancel on me, but that is how I would handle it if it happened.

 

I've been canceled on SOOOOO many times. it's too bad a guy can't just say he not into you. oh well.

 

if he has a good reason that passes the "smell test" then sure, see him again, but if he does it twice, forget it!

Link to comment
sophie274 Mentor

sophie274

Posted
Posted

Even if he is telling the truth and is just totally swamped with work, even if he has the best intentions and is being completely sincere and really is into you, this still means the guy is not a good candidate for a relationship right now. If he can't make time to see you in several weeks (and cancels at the last minute, which is SUPER rude), there's no way you two are going to develop into something more.

 

I would move on.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...