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Isn't it funny how


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Perspective molds like fine wine?

 

Time is the foundation for realizing so many things about the last relationship and why it didn't work. I hate to say this now but I was really quite selfish in the relationship. How is it that we don't see this while in it and wave off every indication of it. I actually never believed I was all that bad and then afterwords just sometimes randomly through out the day or I'll see something. Then think back and go wow...so much perspective has just been created. Almost like the timing wasn't right for the relationship because you still had a lot more growing and learning to do to become the best person you can!

 

There is a lot of things I wish i didn't do, careless silly things but I know I'd never do them again. It's just weird how when you're glued into the relationship those traits or things you did never seemed to change....why was it so hard to step back and see the big picture while in the relationship? Anybody else ever feel like this?

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Great post, know exactly what you mean

 

Agreed indeed... I know I was selfish in some ways as well. I've definitely realized that many of my issues from this break up stem from my realization of issues that I had buried. I hate that I projected those onto her but my self exploration now will help prevent me from doing it again.

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I loved reading this. Yes, I've felt like this in past relationships. "Hindsight's 20/20". I've kicked myself plenty over the years.

 

However, stepping back from my most recent relationship, I don't have any real regrets. We're 3 months post BU. I can honestly say I gave it my best shot. We had a great time, all in all. Sure- I wasn't perfect. But I was compassionate and giving. If there is blaming to do, it rests on him. And he's starting to see it.

 

That feels kind of good. But not that good. I miss him like crazy, but have truly moved on.

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Oh yes, I have felt that way about my Ex. It took years to get to that point. I saw him one time after that. We actually ran into each other, and had a drink somewhere. It was as if I saw him with a set of new eyes. Even better, when I got together with my now husband... I wondered how on earth I had been able to stay in an unhappy relationship for 4 years and let myself become emotionally completely dependent.

 

This is why I always reassure people here that it gets better. You may have scars but you come out stronger after all.

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Strangely, after 3 months I'm actually starting to forget what it was like to be with my ex (even though we were together 8 years). I went full NC from day 1 as much as I could (haven't seen or spoke to her, just text/email about logistical stuff.)

 

The first month I would have taken her back. Now that she's with someone else, no.

 

Only time has caused this change in my feelings.

 

But it scares me in a way. It scares me that after 3 months I'm at a point of almost forgetting what it was like to be with her. Maybe it's my brain trying to block her out - or maybe this is what "healing" and/or "acceptance" is.

 

I'm at the point of surreal numbness.

 

After 3 months of anxiety-driven hell, I have to say it's quite unsettling. It's almost as if I miss missing her.

 

Can anyone else relate?

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