How do I save face with a conniving coworker?

[scorpie]

Ok. I need some advise from a wise gal who's been in tricky office situations. I'm a professional in the medical field and I always get along with all my coworkers. I'm friendly and casual, I don't like to be formal. I started at a new place about 8 months ago and everything was fine. So today I'm just chatting with one of my coworkers (he IS a manager, but he doesn't have authority over me, I report only to the doctor), I'm about to leave so I say "K dude, see you Monday" and then he grabs me and tries to kiss me. I back away and tell him "it's not a good idea, we work together" and run out. Now this guy is pretty aggressive and I'm afraid that come Monday he will start plotting against me and making me look bad in front of our boss, the doctor.

I'm planning on just playing it cool...oh boys will be boys...type of attitude, but I really don't know ho to navigate this situation. Can anyone please advise? He's either gonna try this crap again or be resentful toward me for turning him down. How do I protect myself but still maintain a normal working relationship with this jerk?

[DN]

Well short of a quick knee to the crotch which I don't advise, or reporting him which I do advise but suspect you won't, I think you should tell him that there are no hard feelings but in future he should keep his hands to himself.

[BellaDonna]

Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

If you are worried about this guy's aggression and sexual advances toward you at work, it sounds like this is a cut and dry case of sexual harassment. I would report it to your human resources department and not deal with him directly at all.

 

If you insist on dealing with it yourself, alone, you may want to give him a strong message: "I am not interested. Stop completely."

 

because

 

I back away and tell him "it's not a good idea, we work together" and run out.

 

That first one was not assertive enough and makes it sound like you "could" like him if you were not working together, as if there is room for convincing you to change your mind.

[annie24]

I agree that you need to be more clear - like bella points out, it doesn't sound like you would be interested if he wasn't a co-worker.

[scorpie]

Ohh G-d girls, nothing could be further from the truth, I'm COMPLETELY uninterested in this jerk. He's sleezy, married with a kid and I'm engaged. Obviously I can report him, but I know they will not fire him and all that would do is make my working environment uncomfortable. What I'm looking for is some genius Machiavellian tactic to save face in front of the doctor in case he retaliates and starts making false accusations. I can't just tell my boss "look he's making me look bad in fron of u, cuz I turned down his advances"...can I...

[annie24]

well, if you report his advances, then yes, that can counter anything bad on his part. he hasn't done anything though to 'get back at you.' of course, it's a he said-she said situation.

 

you can tell him if he tries anything like that on you again, you'll tell his wife.

[Mesemene]

I have to agree with Bella - you have to give a loud and clear "No" with no possibility of "well I would be interested but..." possible interpretation on his part.

 

If you want to handle it yourself - tell him bluntly that you're not interested, but not reporting him this time - but he needs to keep his wandering hands to himself. I'd strongly suggest reporting it, though.

 

Odds are if he does it again and/or you DO report him now, it'll be no surprise to HR - guys who are this aggressive in the workplace generally don't keep their attentions to just one person, and he may have warnings in his file. Avoid being alone with him if at all possible, be professional, and worry less about it feeling "awkward" and more about protecting yourself - and other potential female employees. Him getting away with it doesn't send him a good message.

[turnera]

Tell your boss what the guy did. Tell your boss that, if it happens again, you will report sleazeball to HR AND Legal, and you will let them know that you have used the appropriate authorities (i.e., reported it through your boss). That way, the boss knows that he HAS to report it or else HE can become liable in a lawsuit.

[Oneironaut]

Yeah, this needs to be documented, so you don't end up getting bit in the behind down the road.

[nutbrownhare]

Do you have clinical supervision, or anything comparable?

 

I think this needs to be documented, even if you don't intend taking it any further. That way, any future underhand tactics from him will be seen in the context of having his advances repulsed by you. Hopefully, this won't be the case, but if - as is very likely - you aren't the only one then management need to be aware of this guy's modus operandi.

 

I once made a complaint about a co-worker - very nice girl, but really didn't pull her weight and tended to be a burden rather than a co-facilitator. I told my supervisor of my concerns, and it turned out that all the other team members had said the same of her; once that was established, then the management could start to address it.

 

But they can't deal with something they know nothing about. And your management aren't likely to be colluding with sexual harassment in a medical field.

[meoww]

I'm sorry you've been put in this awkward position. I'd say see how it goes on Monday and take it from there. Unfortunately, the best thing you can do at this point is reporting the incident, as the other replies have indicated. I think this is a case where such measures are justified, and you never know if this is typical behavior coming from this guy. Then, just keep on acting like nothing happened.

[Ariel85]

Soo...he's done nothing yet besides the original pass, which you rejected, correct?

 

Not sure how this devolved into a need to plot some type of plan to stop his "conniving ways" that have caused you to "lose face". You seem to have assumed that he's "gonna try this crap again or be resentful toward me for turning him down" when none of these things has happened.

 

Why not wait until next week to see how things before, before spending all this energy working yourself up over something that likely won't come to pass? Always best to deal with your reality than your fantasy.

[scorpie]

This is a small medical facility and so we do not have HR as such, just a manager (who's pretty much useless.....as managers usually are HR is in a different state. We work very closely together and I know that if I mention anything to anyone, they'll treat him differently and he will notice it. Like I said they won't fire him, b/c the office is short staffed as it is. I didn't even tell my fiance b/c I don't want any altercation b/w them. I mean, the dept will have a Christmas party, and they'll have to be in the same room together.... Really, what I need is some damage control tactic. I guess I'll find out what this a**hole has on his mind on Monday, if I sense he's retaliating I guess I'll just go to the doctor...