He may be moving away in a year. Should I bother?

[Becky2009]

I just started dating this guy a little over a month ago. I like him alot and he likes me alot, too. I am definitely falling for him, and he has even said the same for me. He is my first boyfriend, and I am about to turn 24 in a week. I have a pretty steady job in New York, and he has an internship/part-time job at a good company. Today, he mentioned to me how if he doesn't get made full-time here he might be moving to Philadelphia within a year or maybe a bit longer. He said he didn't want to sound like he was trying to scare me or whatever, but just wanted to give me the heads up- which i appreciate. But after I got off the phone with him, I was completely crushed.

Should I bother dating someone and falling in love with someone who might eventually move away? I know about long-distance relationships, and really don't think I could handle one. I am Christian as well, and I don't want to fall in love with someone and "give myself fully" to someone that I might be breaking up within a year or 2 years time anyway. . . I am probably way over thinking it for it being only a month into our relationship. . I try to forget about it and remind myself that it's not a done deal, just a possibility. But I can't help thinking of falling in love with him, him then moving away, and it crushing me. .

Am I being silly? Should I just date him and not worry about this?

[HeartGoesOn]

Am I being silly? Should I just date him and not worry about this?

 

Yes, he may be "the one."

[ut804]

thats a tough situation. really tough. Does he *have to* move to PA? Can't he find a full time job in NY? I wouldn't know what to do either. Maybe ask him if he can find a full time job in NY. For now I would keep dating him, because it's not 100% he will move away. try to work something out. would you move to PA? I mean I'm sure if the relationship progresses you could somehow find a way to be together.

[PrettyGood]

Most guys who are going to travel - they look forward to leaving. There are ways to travel and be in a relationship, and there are ways to travel and make sure you stay out of one. The easy way to know the difference is if the guy tells you all the time how bummed he is that he has to keep leaving you. If he is not making a serious effort to make sure that while he’s far away from you, you don’t go out and find someone else, then I think you’ve just boarded the he’s-just-not-into-you jet. Buckle up.

[abitbroken]

A year or a "bit longer" is a long time. You might find out in 2 months you don't want to continue dating him for other totally different reasons. You could find out that he is "the one" or maybe his job changes and he does't move after all - you never know.

[abitbroken]

I don't want to fall in love with someone and "give myself fully" to someone that I might be breaking up within a year or 2 years time anyway.

 

Fall in love if you fall in love. But wait to "give yourself fully" to a man when you are engaged or married, then. Love is not about a timeline. Like I say, you may decide not to date this guy or it may go for a long while and you might end up both deciding you are no a fit...or you are. a year or two is a long ways away right now. If he COULD be moving someday, you just make extra sure he is worth dating, but then again, his job could completely change by then.

 

If you like him, I would continue dating him. Just date. Go to movies, etc, and in time you will know if he is right for you and you him. He is not moving tomorrow. Maybe he never will.

[Becky2009]

thank you all! You are all very helpful. I actually talked to him tonight about it. We decided that him possibly leaving in a year is no reason to not date. I think I was just being way too dramatic in getting this upset over something that is a year away. . I really hope he gets the job promotion that he wants to stay. He even asked me if I would be willing to move for my job, and if there were places in PA. . And he said before he met me whenever he thought of moving he thought of it as a big decision but was always very excited about it. And he says that he realizes even more now, with dating me, that its an even bigger decision that takes a lot of thought.

[giubilante]

I am glad the two of you talked about it, and glad you came to the decision you have. A year is a long time. A lot can happen in a year. You could either be long separated from this man, or deeply in love with him and in a committed relationship. Give it a shot, put away the worry, and just LIVE and see what happens.