Online dating safety tips.

[Moontiger]

I am trying online dating for a second time. The first time I tried it I lived with my best friend and she would "date stalk" for me. Basically, me and a guy would meet in a public place and she would also be their (unknown to the guy) to watch out for me.

 

I now live in a new area where I don't know a lot of people so I don't have anyone who can date stalk for me. I have been talking to a few guys and I think I would like to meet a few of them IRL. I know to meet them in a public place and to not give to much personal information right away. I was just wondering what other tips people can give me to stay safe in this experience.

[happyfrank]

If you have mobile facebook. Check in and have all your friends and family know where your at. On first date I would suggest meeting him at crowded restaurant. Don't let him walk you to car until you know him. Some people can memorize the plate #.

[RedDress]

If you have mobile facebook. Check in and have all your friends and family know where your at. On first date I would suggest meeting him at crowded restaurant. Don't let him walk you to car until you know him. Some people can memorize the plate #.

 

Whoa - that was smart! Never thought of the mobile facebook thing...

 

I agree. Public place. Daylight. Don't let him walk you to your car. A crowded pub is great - there are usually bouncers there whose job it is to look out for your safety.

 

If you are ok with a best friend knowing that you are online dating, send them the username or page of the person that you are meeting. When/Where/Who/Contact info. A phone number is great - even if it's a cell phone number. While this won't prevent anything from happening - it CAN help them locate you if something bad were to happen.

 

You can also setup a safety call. Most men know a lot of women do this. Haha... Just tell your bestie that you will call her at 3:30 (or whatever time) and if she doesn't hear from you, to call. You can simply excuse yourself to the bathroom at that time. As a bonus, if the date is a dud, you can pretend it's an "emergency" and bolt. This is SO cliche that they will know exactly what's going on... but it's accepted behaviour.

 

Good luck! At some point you'll have to trust... but it's great to take precautions for the first bit until you get to know the person better.

[Moontiger]

Thanks guys for the tips!

 

I never thought of sending my friend the page of the guy. That's a really good idea. It was so much easier when I had a lot of friends around because I could always find someone who was able to date stalk.

I don't have mobile facebook but I think a check in call is a really good idea.

 

Well, first I have to actually set up the dates! This is my least favorite part of being back on the market.

[Moontiger]

Its a safety measure. For example, let say everything goes really well on the actually date and I leave to go to my car. If the guy follows me out there and/or tried to corner me or anything my friend is right there to help me.

 

IMO when you are meeting people online you cannot be to careful.

[Oneironaut]

Its a safety measure. For example, let say everything goes really well on the actually date and I leave to go to my car. If the guy follows me out there and/or tried to corner me or anything my friend is right there to help me.

 

IMO when you are meeting people online you cannot be to careful.

 

Agreed. There's nothing extreme about it...after all, we're talking about your life here. There's no such thing as "too" cautious in a case like that.

 

That being said, I have to agree with the other posters. Let people know who you're with and where you're going, don't be alone with him on the first date, or let him see your car.

 

And the checking-in call afterwards is a great idea...when I went to Toronto to meet my LD boyfriend for the first time, I had arranged with a friend for me to call and check in every single day.

 

Well, we got so (*cough*) busy that I forgot to call in the first day, so my friend called me just to make sure all was well.

 

Nothing wrong with having multiple safety nets.

[Moontiger]

I'm in a bit of a weird spot right now. My normal safety net, a date stalker, is not possible because I don't know a lot of people in the area. I also don't want to tell my sister (who I live with) that I'm trying online dating. She tends to overreact to things.

 

I also know the my safety is the top priority. Right now I am planning 1) A public place 2)Day time not night 3)Sending the profile to my BFF 4)Arranging for a safety call with my BFF.

 

Am I missing anything?

 

Another question, on of the people I have been taking to has asked that we talk on the phone. I don't know how I feel about giving my number out to someone I have meet online, I told him that for right now since I am still new to online dating I would prefer to not give out my number. Did I handle that right? Thoughts opinions?

[Oneironaut]

Perhaps you could talk on Skype instead? That way, if they turn out to be a weirdo, you can always block them.

[Moontiger]

Perhaps you could talk on Skype instead? That way, if they turn out to be a weirdo, you can always block them.

 

Good idea! Thanks!

[Voguester]

I don't think internet dating = massive risk of being raped and murdered, it's basically the same as meeting someone at the pub...it's not like you really know this person but you still give them your phone number or they give you yours, how else are you going to get to know them?

 

I respect your original post where you asked what other precautions you can take but I really feel like you're overthinking it and even freaking out about it, if you're this concerned about the idea of dating someone from whom you have met online than I suggest you find another way of meeting guys.

 

I travelled all the way to the other side of the world where I met my online boyfriend for the first time, my instincts did not tell me that this guy was dangerous or someone I should be overly cautious and affraid of so I went with that. Everything between us was perfect and I 'm so glad I got the chance to meet him, he was a gentleman.

 

I think it's fine to just let someone know where you are, you could even leave a letter on a table in your home specifying where you are going and who you are with just incase, in the rare event that you do find yourself in trouble.

[RedDress]

^ a home phone number can be dangerous because - unless your number is unlisted - you can do a reverse look-up online and find out where you live. Until you've met the guy, you might not want to let him know where you live.

 

You can't do a reverse check on a cell phone number, though.

[Moontiger]

I have never really "met" any guys at pubs/bars. I don't normally go to them and even when I do I have several friends with me which basically serves the same functions as a date stalker. They are there, get a good look at the guy and will be able to help me if he because weird or dangerous.

 

Voguester, its great that things worked out for you and the guy you meet online. I am more cautious than that though. I really believe when you meet someone online you cannot be careful enough.

[Batya33]

What I did - met in a public place typically in my general neighborhood or a neighborhood I was familiar with, never got in his car on the first meet (with one or two exceptions and that was stupid on my part), kept my eye on my coffee/drink (that is how my friend was date raped). I did give my phone number once we decided to meet in person but prior to that I took his number and called him first ,putting my land line on private. I did not give out my work number or information unless we decided to meet. I never met through only emails -we had to speak by phone -a great screening technique. And I tried my best to google the person or check up in advance including asking friends if they had ever met him.

[Batya33]

I strongly disagree because of personal experiences being assaulted/meeting someone who was not a safe person to be with -i.e. pathological liar, making disrespectful/strange comments in person and friends' experiences. You are very lucky it worked out for you.

[Voguester]

I must say, It took me a very long time to feel comfortable giving out my phone number and personal information to my boyfriend whom I originally met online...probably a couple of years so I do understand. I had talked to him for 3 years before we actually met in person and I guess by that time I really felt like I knew him and his intentions and after you spend that much time with someone you do get to know them fairly well. I would have felt a lot differently if we had been talking for a few weeks and decided to meet up I think.