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Why do guys take longer to get over things like being cheated on?


Reflective

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Just from my experience. The guys I know even a few guys ive dated all been cheated on by their past girlfriends. One guy i remember clearly. The time we dated he went out with a girl (before we dated) and she cheated on him with his best friend. But the thing is, that was years ago. 6 years later he is still angry with her and can't get over it. He is hostile and angered whenever he sees her. I find that to be strange.

 

The guy ive bene posting about admitted to me last night that he does have feelings for me but he has a few issues his ex left him with. I remember not long ago he told me she cheated on him and that was why he was picking on me because he didnt want to get hurt, he didn't want to be rejected like his girlfriend did with him. He admitted to having feelings for me but when I didnt respond that hurt his feelings, so in turn acting mean was his way to 'heal'. he apologized and wants to talk to me more about it tonight. I dont know the story but I find it rather odd how he is still focussed on an ex girlfriend that cheated on him. Yes ive been cheated on but Ive forgiven and moved on and am more aware. It seems to me guys take longer to get over things especially being cheated on due to social conditioning and how scoiety tells them its not okay to express how they feel... perhaps this is the reason?

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I agree, thats a massive red flag. And as GND said, its not fair if hes punishing you for what an ex frpm 6 years ago did!!! Not fair one bit. I too have been cheated on but, as you, I let go of the pain and moved on. If he cant then I would suggest seriously thinking twice about the relationship.

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6 years is waaaaaay to long. But yeah, if a girl cheats on us our pride is shattered.
But can I understand why? Why is it shattered? Why does it hurt you, being a guy, so much? Feelings of inadequacy maybe? I mean ive been cheated on about 5 times by 2 different partners. I got over it, learned from it, forgive and moved on and now aware of the 'signs' etc. All in the span of 2 years. Why does it hurt guys so MUCH?
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It is more likely for women to blame the other woman, for guys we reserve most of our feelings of betrayal for the person who betrayed them. We are talking shades and degrees here but this may have an impact on how long it takes to get over things like cheating.

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From your previous posts you have a crush on him but you don't want to date him correct? If thats the case then I misunderstood you and apologies for making that assumption..

I dont have a crush on this guy. Where on earth did I ever say "i have a crush on this guy"? You mean my supervisor? yes, not THIS guy. So you're kinda wrong again...

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Heard of the saying "women forgives but never forgets, men forgets but never forgives", just part of who we are. I still have not forgiven my first girlfriend ever who cheated on me, just part of who I am
Just my opinion, thats terrible. why can't you forgive? What do you generally feel towards women who cheat on you. I really want to understand why its so hard for guys especially to really forgive a woman who has cheated on them even if it happened many years ago.. Why? Does it hurt your pride? is it an ego thing?
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Just my opinion, thats terrible. why can't you forgive? What do you generally feel towards women who cheat on you. I really want to understand why its so hard for guys especially to really forgive a woman who has cheated on them even if it happened many years ago.. Why? Does it hurt your pride? is it an ego thing?

 

I am at peace with it, I accept it happens, but loyalty is just something I value strongly, cheating on me while we are in a committed relationship is clear violation of my boundaries. Get over it? sure I got over it, but I will not forgive that blatant betrayal of trust.

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It mostly have to do with ego, men do not like to be made feeling inferior, and cheating on a man with another man is equivalent in saying to the first man that the second man is better, and the said first man is inadequate. Male ego bruises easily, and once the damage is done, that damage stays with a man for a long time

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I am at peace with it, I accept it happens, but loyalty is just something I value strongly, cheating on me while we are in a committed relationship is clear violation of my boundaries. Get over it? sure I got over it, but I will not forgive that blatant betrayal of trust.
Oh sorry I have another question.

Because I too value loyalty. I am the type of person, that when you betray that kind of loyalty (there are varying degrees of it) but when it comes to unfaithfulness, i break it off immediately, and cut contact off with that person to heal. No ifs no buts. So I can understand what you mean now. Does what I've said relate to how you deal with being cheated on?

 

Because I agree. Breaking loyalty and being unfaithful there's absolutely NO way to repair a relationship. i cannot take back someone that does that. Never ever. But my question is, do you cut the person off or still remain civil?

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Maybe part of the explanation is because when men commit infidelity, it is mainly for purely sexual reasons. Thus, less likely to be taken personally by the women on whom the cheating is occurring. The reversal is that women often commit infidelity for reasons other than purely sexual, thus it can be construed as having more personal connotations.

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Oh sorry I have another question.

Because I too value loyalty. I am the type of person, that when you betray that kind of loyalty (there are varying degrees of it) but when it comes to unfaithfulness, i break it off immediately, and cut contact off with that person to heal. No ifs no buts. So I can understand what you mean now. Does what I've said relate to how you deal with being cheated on?

 

Because I agree. Breaking loyalty and being unfaithful there's absolutely NO way to repair a relationship. i cannot take back someone that does that. Never ever. But my question is, do you cut the person off or still remain civil?

 

Yeah thats what I did, I broke off all contact (7 years and counting)

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We cut them off...why bother remaining civil with such a person?

 

And what penseur said was true...women cheat for more than just the sex...for the emotions...and that is worse.

 

"I am at peace with it, I accept it happens, but loyalty is just something I value strongly, cheating on me while we are in a committed relationship is clear violation of my boundaries. Get over it? sure I got over it, but I will not forgive that blatant betrayal of trust."

 

That is the best way to put it...I am over my ex, I don't hate her, she can do whatever she wants as I want nothing to do with her. Why waste emotions and thoughts of civility on someone who has no respect for you and what they have done to you.

 

If they want civility they have to prove it to me, I wont ignore my ex, but I wont be the one to initiate civility and it would not be granted to easily. There are so many people on this planet, why contact those who have no value to you in your life anymore...

 

In reference to your friend, he is way to bitter about it, six years is way too long to be acting out about such actions on another person...that is not the norm, but we as men...do not forget/forgive such actions

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I have just broken up with a man who was cheated on by his ex partner.

 

I truly believe the whole time we were together, I was being punished for what she did too him. It was like he couldn't act it out on her, so he did it too me and then dumped me. I tried to be supportive, but he had only one agenda in his mind and that was to heal himself by hurting another..... Hope he feels better for it now, cos it broke my heart and soul... now I am struggling with trust issues.

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That's not true OP. I'm a girl and it's been 14 months since I dumped an ex who betrayed me. I'm over him as a person, but I'm not completely over the pain.

 

I don't believe you loved those two guys, am I right? It's extremely hard for me to fall for sb, in fact that was the only guy I ever loved. That's why it hurt so deeply.

 

If you're not particularly emotionally invested, it doesn't hurt as much. I really doubt you'll find it so breezy to get over things if they were the love of your life.

 

I guess for guys, it's a mixture of blow to ego, finally letting their guard down only to have their heart smashed to pieces and didn't they say that when a guy really really falls in actual love... It's deeper and stronger on average than how the average girl feels.

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