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The Evils of Facebook


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After hanging out in these forums for awhile, I couldn't help but notice the sheer number of threads in which Facebook comes into play either incidentally or as the main catalyst for posting in the first place. Most especially this is relevant for those going through break ups, so I thought I'd compile a general advisory regarding Facebook and handling the painful and often ugly process of dissolving a relationship.


Facebook is NOT your friend when you're going through a breakup. Too often people say they go no contact but for some reason they don't remove or block their ex from FB, and then they wind up obsessively stalking their ex's profile or simply stumbling upon a particular status update that throws them for a loop. I've seen a lot of people say that blocking their ex would be immature, but this in my opinion is just an excuse to maintain some tiny sliver of contact, some way of keeping tabs on the ex or just having a door slightly cracked open. If you're willing to cease contact with an ex through every other means, why is FB afforded some special status?


So...here is my advice:


1) Defriend or block your ex immediately when the break up happens, unless you're one of those odd exceptions where you're trying to remain friends. In other words, treat FB exactly as you would a cell phone. If you're not calling or texting your ex, then you shouldn't be communicating with them via FB either.


2) Defriend or block your ex anyway. Human nature is what it is, and the temptation to check up on your ex's profile will be all but impossible to resist. Finding out what they are up to, who they're partying with, what they may be thinking about you...none of that is going to help you move on, and it's really none of your business anyway.


3) If you have mutual friends or even family who are FB-friends with the ex, inform them of the break up and that you do not wish to hear ANYTHING about the goings-on with the ex. People should have the common sense not to do this anyway, but sadly a lot don't.


4) Do NOT get into your ex's FB if you happen to know (or could guess) their password. Not only is this obviously unethical, but it's only going to hurt you in the long run when you eventually find something you don't like.


5) If you don't follow the above points and cave into temptation anyway, you're only going to open a Pandora's Box of endless questions that will likely have no answers. This will only serve to make you miserable and prolong recovery. You'll only waste energy worrying about stuff that doesn't matter in the long run. So if this happens, try your best to immediately forget about it and move on.


6) For any other scenarios that haven't been covered, refer back to #1.


Remember, FB is NOT your friend during a break up!

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There is an easier, completely bullet-proof, method. Simply deactivate your facebook until some time has passed and you've healed enough. Then reactivate it. It's a one minute process. This way you don't have to explain anything to anyone and never have to deal with anyone on there who comments about the break up. If friends ask you why you're not there, just tell them you decided to take a break from it because it's eating up to much of your time or alternatively tell them you don't go there often so you deactivated it until you find time for it. Done deal. No matter what you do, who you block and how hard you try to avoid your ex, if the two of you were facebook regulars, eventually there will always be something you find which you won't like.

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Yes to this post!


A week after break-up and NC I saw some very vindictive posts from a mutual acquaintance who seemed to be revelling in our split. I have since disabled my account completely and am strong enough not to check. I know my ex is mature enough not to play games on there or post anything personal etc, but some other people I wasn't sure about!

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Maybe it is my generation speaking but I find FB and or any other social networking site an entire waste of time in any situation.


Agreed! It seems to be a forum for people that are full of themselves, posting countless pictures of themselves and bragging about everything they have and everything they do.

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have you even signed up for facebook? it has its drama but it does have its positive things family wise in my situation.


No. I have no real interest in it. I just use the telephone with people I want to be in touch with. I really have no interest in people from my high school days from 27 years or 30 years ago looking for me or whatnot so we can compare lives etc. The people I am interested in I contact.


I know it is useful for some people who have families far away. I don't. My entire family is within 300 miles of each other so it is no biggie for me. For some family situations I guess I can see it. If the family is not into drama and gossiping about each other and so on. My husband has a FB account, but I have not even looked at it or even looked it up and he has not even been on it in months.


Like I said though my response is probably generational. I mean I did not even have a pc till I was 22 and there was no such thing as internet. I was already in my 30's by the time I even got internet so it never been too much of a priority for me to have it be an enormous social tool because I was simply not raised in that era.

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link removed


I went on facebook for the first time in weeks yesterday (I had deactivated) when a friend asked me to check a picture. I saw a picture of my ex at a game that we both attended wearing my team's shirt (a team that she only followed because of me - where I started university) and looking beautiful... I didn't respond to a text from her asking if I was going to the game, so obviously this makes me wonder and my head has been spinning since. I know better. I also sent her mother a birthday text last night, which was probably another dumb move. All kinds of fail for me yesterday.

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