Mutual friend saw my ex and the news has made me feel better

[Mustang]

I spoke to a friend of mine last night and he said that he saw my ex at a party a few weeks ago. He said he thinks she's really cut up about our break up and told me "I don't think that she thinks of little you as you think".

 

Now, weirdly, this made me feel a lot better. Knowing that she is human I guess and is sad about things kind of makes it a lot easier on me. The worst part about NC is thinking she's out having a great time and not caring about the break up whatsoever.

 

More importantly, I've realised now why remaining in contact with the dumper about a break up should NOT be done. The reason being, if they know you're hurting, they won't miss you. They will feel better. Just like how I feel better for hearing that she's been upset. I think the whole "let them miss you" thing is really important in any reconciliation.

 

I still miss my ex but I realise that my future doesn't involve her. I just thought I'd share the story for those that have a chance.

 

I'm sure that YOUR ex does miss you and is sad about the break up. Sometimes that's not always enough but if you can find comfort in it, great. It's better than driving yourself mad by thinking they don't care at all.

[Danny77]

If any of my friends ever ask me about their ex's and if I've seen them lately I always lie and say "yeh, I saw her in town the other day, she looked pretty cut up".

I know its a lie but just a white one!

Anyway my buddy will instantly heal 10 X faster after I do this.

 

It's all about the ego.

Knowing that they're hurting is a real tonic.

Breakups are power struggles really.

Broken hearts are bruised egos.

[Mustang]

If any of my friends ever ask me about their ex's and if I've seen them lately I always lie and say "yeh, I saw her in town the other day, she looked pretty cut up".

I know its a lie but just a white one!

Anyway my buddy will instantly heal 10 X faster after I do this.

 

It's all about the ego.

Knowing that they're hurting is a real tonic.

Breakups are power struggles really.

Broken hearts are bruised egos.

 

So it's true then?

[Mustang]

*Not true I mean.

 

Bummer.

[Danny77]

No I think it's true.

 

They may be bummed and feel bad.

 

But the thing is that it's not good to know that that is all you needed to feel better.

Kinda puts a childish turn to the break up.

If it's a brokeb heart then you long for someone.

If it's a bruised ego then the thought of them in pain makes you feel good.

 

Sometimes the two can be so similar.

 

I think that your ex misses you but it shouldnt be a reason to make you feel good if you truly loved her.

unfortunately it does tho.

 

That's the part I don't like.

 

I am not innocent of feeling like this sometimes too.

[Mustang]

I don't mean I feel good about her feeling bad. I don't want her to be unhappy at all. I'm not saying it makes me feel better either.

 

I suppose it's just comforting to know that our relationship meant something to her.

[Danny77]

But you do.

Knowing that she's cut up made you feel good.

Made you feel that she had a heart after all.

Made you feel that she was human, she bleeds, feels pain.

 

Don't defend your feelings buddy.

It's a normal thing.

 

Sometimes when people see that their Ex is getting on just fine they feel great!

Great that she is doing good, as they have nothing but love for them.

When these same people see that their ex is sad about it all they feel bad.

They don't like the idea of them being unhappy in any way.

 

 

It's the natural perversion of the modern day human.

Them feeling sad about the breakup fuels our healing.

It's like when it happens their is a whole of power that is broken in two.

You have to scramble to get as much as you can.

The more you grab the less their is for the other person.

 

But nobody knows how much each person has right.

So it becomes a game of poker, hiding behind your hand.

When someone gives away a weakness the other gains confidence.

 

She told a friend she was cut up.

I Bet that very moment you heard your heart lifted.

It doesn't mean shes comin back and you know this.

So what made you feel so good?

 

It's a funny thing love...

At the end, we all say it was false when it didn't work.

When we're in the relationship and its working we say it's real.

Until that relationship ends then it was false!

 

Truth is, the post breakup survival of a human being begets all love and relies purely on self preservation via the ego.

Our only true child in us takes over and runs through walls and over anyone to get us out of the pain zone.

 

Hence feeling better at the thought of someone missing us.

 

This is what I don't like.

But is also what I am.

As are you.

[donpeel83]

Danny.....lovely post fella, just lovelly.

 

I do agree with so much of what you have said. Also, I feel for the OP and know exactly where he is coming from. That little piece of knowledge about the ex being cut up is a nice ego boost basically. It helps you to pick your own heart off the floor knowing that the person who knocked it down there in the first place also feels pain for what they have done. Again though, as Danny said, it dosent mean they will come back, just re-enforces the fact that the dumper is human after all.

[Danny77]

Danny.....lovely post fella, just lovelly.

 

I do agree with so much of what you have said. Also, I feel for the OP and know exactly where he is coming from. That little piece of knowledge about the ex being cut up is a nice ego boost basically. It helps you to pick your own heart off the floor knowing that the person who knocked it down there in the first place also feels pain for what they have done. Again though, as Danny said, it dosent mean they will come back, just re-enforces the fact that the dumper is human after all.

 

 

 

Well put dude!

 

It's all spot on.

We should exept the fact that we HAVE to be a little ruthless to survive so shouldn't feel strange that we're feeling better if they're feeling sad.

They left us right!!!those who say "I wish her well and hope she finds someone soon as I'd hate sir her to be lonely" are either full of it, or not really in love with them anyway!

To be over it straight away is a luxury held for those that can't fully and deeply love at all.

 

I will love fully, get hurt, run away and lick my wounds, however I have to to be strong enough to love again.

Once she leaves you, she is not entitled to your pity, care, or worry.

You just gotta look after #1.

It is hard for me to say this as I think I come accross as cold and cruel.

But the truth is I take no pleasure in her pain - it mearly makes mine less so I have to embrace it.

 

I hope our comments have helped OP, and that you understand why you felt the way you did.

You can see that others felt the same and why we did.

I'm stoked you got that little info on her and wish that I wouldve gotten something like that months ago.

It's bold of you to admit how it made you feel and you come accross and being someone that questions their good and bad feelings, rather than takes advantage of them and try's to cause pain to the ex to feel good.

 

I think you deserved what you heard.

And hopefully it may lead to future happiness.

 

Good luck!

[RitaTrue]

 

It's all about the ego.

Knowing that they're hurting is a real tonic.

Breakups are power struggles really.

Broken hearts are bruised egos.

 

VERY well said. Every word of it.