Jealous of other girls talking to my boyfriend! I don't know what to do.

[Ruby St]

Hi all and firstly thank you for reading this because I could really do with some help!

 

I have been with my boyfriend a year now and I just cant control my jealousy. He is a student and also works at the university in a role which means he has to get to know the other students and he is always out at social events and alot of people know him.

 

While things are great when it is just me and him, when we go out I just cant handle it. Because of the sheer amount of people who know him, he is stopped to talk to constantly, and I mean constantly. He rarely introduces me and I pretty much feel like I am put to the side while he goes off talking to all these people. The thing is, I wouldnt usually mind but it really gets to me when we are going on a night out together and then I dont actually see him or spend any time with him!

 

If I go out with my friends and then see him out and he is talking to girls then that really gets to me too. I know he loves me and I know he would never cheat on me but he has told me he likes the attention and there have been plenty of photos of drunk girls hanging off him. It has got to the point now where I get this sick feeling inside if he is even just talking to a girl, even if I know that the girl is not flirting with him. I just dont know what to do.

 

I think things that have happened in the year leading up to this haven't helped. He has said some really stupid things to me before like asking if he could pretend I wasn't his girlfriend so that single girls would vote for him to get the job that he does at the uni now. Or telling me that he finds one of my best friends hot. Its all these little things that have built up and a lack of him making me feel like I am his girlfriend when we are out.

 

I know alot of the jealousy is something I need to work on too, but I dont know if its enough. My boyf knows about all of this and he says he tries to not make me feel like it but I do.

 

What can I do? I have turned in to this stupid jealous person and I have never been like this before. I really do love my boyf and want to be with him but I just dont know how to make it work

[UniGirl1]

Your boyfriend needs to set boundaries and make it known he has a girlfriend. University is an important part of life, and making new friends is one of the biggest things, if he's in a social roal you need to accept people will know him and talk to him, but he needs to keep things brief if it has a potential to distrupt plans with you. Why not try going to places where he is a little less well known on nights out together. About the girls hanging off him in photos, this is unacceptable and tell him this. He can still be well liked by girls without having to flirt with them or have them flirt with him. You need to sit down with him and set boundaries. If he's unwilling to accept or change his behaviour then you need to decide if you can live with it. There will always be girls in his life as friends, and girls who find him attractive, its how the boundaries are set that secures the relationship.

[Ruby St]

Yeah you are right UniGirl, I think if he made it know I was his girlfriend then I wouldn't feel like this,

 

I just wonder how many times I have to have the same conversation with him. We went the other night and that was suppose to be the tester for getting back on track and within minutes he is in a conversation with someone which lasted god knows so I went off for a dance with other people. I come back to find him and he is off talking to some girls and I just feel like why couldn't he come and find me instead? We had been there for about an hour and I hadn't actually seen him at all and yet we had gone together!

 

Its just like all of this has developed in to me being so paranoid about any girls who are talking to him which really isn't healthy

[chitown9]

The thing is, I wouldnt usually mind but it really gets to me when we are going on a night out together and then I dont actually get to see or spend any time with him!

 

I think that this is the crux of the matter. I would send him a note from a card shop and I would just state in the note what you have stated here.

[UniGirl1]

All you can do, is tell him how it makes you feel each time. And explain if he cannot show you respect (ie if you go out together SPEND time with you not everyone else in the bar) then you need to reconsider things. Like chi said, write this out and give it to him, as it quite clearly states how it makes you feel. I'm sorry you're going through this.

[lykarose]

Be a friend to these girls... and let them know you're his girl..