It's funny how you can run into an old ex and say "What was I thinking?"

[Ms.Lady]

I'm giving the people on this thread some hope that eventually one day they will get over their ex's. I'm long over this ex I ran into today because our breakup was back in 2008 or 2009. So I've gotten over him and moved on with my life. I honestly haven't thought about this ex in a LONG time and I remember at the time of our breakup, I was so heartbroken and confused and hurt. I ran in him today and I just laughed inside of my head because I don't find him attractive like I used to. I just really wasn't phased by him. We spoke very shortly and we parted ways and it's just funny how crazy I was over him at a point in time and now I just feel absolutely nothing for him. I even saw traits in him that I was blind to when we were together, like his arrogance and rudeness etc etc. I really laughed and said to myself, was this really the guy I was crying over 2 years ago?

 

Even though I'm not particularly going through a breakup right now in my life, I'm single and getting to a place where I'm somewhat content with it. I do wanted to share this story that you will eventually get over your ex's and there will be a point where you'll even laugh about it like I am now. It took time for me to get over that particular ex but I got over it. I kept myself busy and I cut off all contact with him to move on.I say it took me about 5 months total for me to get over him following that strategy but it may vary for everyone else depending on how well your coping etc etc.. I hope this gives someone hope out there at least.

[Lithp]

Hahaha, yeah. I was with this guy a few years ago and he was my first 'real' relationship. I adored this guy - we were total opposites but I felt that we both complimented each other regardless of our extreme differences. Surprisingly those differences are what ended the relationship. That, and the fact that he kept pushing me to have a child with him. When I broke up with him, his family held an 'intervention' and convinced me to get back with him. A few months afterwards, I ended it again but for 6 months he was still telling people we were dating. He started sitting outside my work and waiting for me to the point where it became bothersome to my co-workers. He was able to tell me where I was at any given point during any given day, who I was with, what I was doing, where I was going, etc... and suddenly guys that I had been getting close with would suddenly start avoiding me like the plague I ran into his Dad the other day, and apparently he's engaged to a 16 year old [this guy is 27] and they just had their first child [his 3rd]. I was absolutely mind-boggled that I ever saw anything in this person and I had to laugh and thank my lucky stars I had enough sense to remove myself from that.

[Mauxly]

Oh god yes. The guy that cheated and broke my heart all to pieces and brought me to ENA. What a mess he is!

It's been 2 years since I logged into ENA for the first time, sobbing while I typed out my heartache.

 

Now I'm with someone new, who's amazing and my best friend. I trust him completely. Every so often I see my ex around and shiver....what was I thinking? I find him physically repulsive, emotionally stunted.

 

I thank the universe on a regular basis for bringing that woman that he cheated with into our lives. My god...what if I were still with him? He was so embarrassing and abusive (alcohol).

 

Funny how what I thought may kill me, turned out to save me.

[meoww]

Yes! I feel exactly the same way. I thought my most recent ex would someday be my husband but I'm so glad he ended up not wanting to be with me. I never thought I would say that about him!

[star111]

It is possible. I thought I wouldn't be able to go on breathing. Took me years. Now when I get the itch to contact, and he responds...I realize he is not what I want at all. I want so much better than what he was. My advice for anyone reading that is in it now---and you can't see the light, stay no contact, focus on you and get to know the you without him and spend time with positive friends even if you feel like just sitting at home alone moping. Get yourself out there. Make changes in your life, go in a new direction. It helps to release the all too familiar ties of "what was." It can be done. And I promise- I never thought I would get over the pain. And now look at him as someone in the past, when I was at a lower point in my life. So I thought his flaws were all I deserved. So much better people out there once you focus on what's within you, what's really causing you to long for him. Is it him--or just the thought of what could be?? There really are plenty of fish in the sea. If it were meant to be, you would be together....and if that is sometime long down the road then so be it. but for right now, be about you only. and hopefully reach the "what was I thinking" point.

[triangles]

You're absolutely right on this one! I came accross some pictures online of my most recent ex a few weeks ago, and I'm like, "He's not even cute!" And seeing those pictures really accelerated my healing. It's funny how your perception changes when you're not as attached to someone anymore. And I'm glad for that!

[Vaglar]

I wish I could say the same thing...I'm 6 months post BU, tried to re-conciliate on the way but failed so I'm 1 month NC now. My ex was not perfect but she is an amazing girl with many qualities. While I'm sure there is 'better' out there, the odds of them being interested in me, let alone wanting to date me, are very low. I was very lucky to have her in my life, but I forgot that along the way and it's only when she mentioned breaking up that I came to my senses...but it was too late. I feel like I'll regret it for years and years to come.

[Gaffler]

I am curious, it may just be this thread but I am seeing a lot more of the ladies telling stories of 'what was I thinking' or 'Thank God I am not with them anymore' than guys. Granted I look back at some of my ex's and see now why it didn't work out, but there is always this leftover twinge of regret... Its probably just me. I wonder though, are there any guys here on the boards who are over their ex and feel relief that it ended?

[lemsip]

I honestly haven't thought about this ex in a LONG time

 

I have to say that 3 months post-BU I still think of my ex every single day, like still about 50%. But when I think of her I no longer feel crushed or anxious, so I know I'm healing. The day I don't think about her at all will be utterly amazing, I can't wait. Can you remember how long this took in your case? I was with my ex 8 years.

[AvonRepus]

I don't think there is a formula.

 

My cousin told me I need 1 year or four seasons to pass so I can make new memories. No more of "Last summer I was with him/her","We spent Christmas ..".

My friend told me I need to divide the time we were together by two.

My mother said 40 bottles of vodka (lol she's not an alcoholic,she's clowning a lot).

 

You see the drill...You pine as long as you allow yourself to pine.

 

Truth is I had to get over one serious BU before this one and even though it didn't involve lawyers, it was intense as well. But I did it and today when I look back and check their pictures ( we are actually FB friends but not close) or statuses-I don't feel anything. And there were moments back then I was so lovesick and burned with desire you can't even imagine. I couldn't picture my life without him,it's amazing how a person who used to mean the world to me now is a complete stranger.

 

I just feel ...meh about him. So I am optimistic. I did it once,I can do it again.