skyblue001 Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Hi everyone. I have a situation with this guy I dated for 2 1/2 months that's driving me insane. I am 33 and he is 49. We met online. At first, I wasn't interested because of the big age gap and ignored his messages. But he was very persistent and seemingly genuine, so I gave him a chance and we met for dinner. To my surprise, he was attractive, interesting and extremely charming. We shared incredible chemistry. After that first date he pursued me ardently, calling me several times a day, texting me, and asking to see me all the time. We began seeing each other 2-3 times a week, and yes, we became intimate. He treated me like a queen and I was completely enchanted by this "older, worldly gentleman" who was crazy about me. Then, about two months later, he started backing away. Days would go by without hearing from him. He told me that he was going to get busier at work due to a looming deadline (he is an architect who runs his own firm), so I figured that was the reason. He was asking to see me less and less. A week went by without seeing him, and though it was difficult, I didn't say anything. Then, one day, I called him at work (first and only time; I hate bothering him at work) in the morning to ask for a phone number of a friend who was looking for a job in my field. I had a lead and could help this friend out. He answered, and said he was off to a meeting but would get back to me. I waited all day - all night - and no call. It wasn't like him, so I wondered what was going on, and finally called him close to midnight. I simply asked why he hadn't gotten back to me with the friend's phone number. He got really upset and said, "Look, I barely have time to eat lunch let alone check my phone at work! You're giving me pressure and I don't need it on top of the pressure I already have at work". I was taken aback by his response. All I was asking for was basic courtesy to return a phone call. It felt like he was blowing me off. So I said "Ok, look, I know you're stressed out with work right now and need some space. Why don't you call me when your project's over?" He said "Ok" and that was the end of the conversation. His deadline was September 8, two weeks away. During the two weeks he called me twice. The first conversation was as usual; we just talked about our days and current events and what not. The second time he called, he left a vm. He said he had been insanely busy and couldn't wait for it to be over on Thursday. He was taking Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, and "maybe we could meet for brunch or something over the weekend". It was strange that he'd only make time for me for brunch after we hadn't seen each other in so long. That was the last I heard of him. He didn't call me that weekend. It has been another week since his deadline and although the writing is on the wall ("he's just not that into me" - ugh, I hate that phrase) for some reason I can't stop obsessing about him and wondering what happened. It makes me upset that he would just try to slink away like this instead of communicating with me. I haven't made a single attempt to contact him since. On my good days I tell myself it is over, and since he showed no consideration for my feelings, he doesn't deserve another thought. On my bad days however (like today!) I keep wondering why, why, why...he was so smitten with me then, how can he suddenly act like I don't even exist? Maybe he just needs more space? I'm absolutely crushed. My chest feels tight and stomach turns whenever I think about him. Then I start wondering if I should've called him after his deadline to ask how his project went, and to take him up on his brunch offer. (I just waited him to call me again instead, since I assumed if he really wanted to see me he'd call.) It takes all the will power I can muster to keep from calling/texting/emailing him. I obsess and fantasize about contacting him one last time to confirm things really are over between us, so that I can close this chapter and finally move on. Is that really such a bad idea? Thanks for reading/listening! I'd very much appreciate your thoughts. Link to comment
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