Jump to content

His silence is driving me mad...move on or call him?


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone. I have a situation with this guy I dated for 2 1/2 months that's driving me insane. I am 33 and he is 49. We met online. At first, I

wasn't interested because of the big age gap and ignored his messages. But he was very persistent and seemingly genuine, so I gave him a chance and we met for dinner. To my surprise, he was attractive, interesting and extremely charming. We shared incredible chemistry. After that first date he pursued me ardently, calling me several times a day, texting me, and asking to see me all the time. We began seeing each other 2-3 times a week, and yes, we became intimate. He treated me like a queen and I was completely enchanted by this "older, worldly gentleman" who was crazy about me.


Then, about two months later, he started backing away. Days would go by without hearing from him. He told me that he was going to get busier at work due to a looming deadline (he is an architect who runs his own firm), so I figured that was the reason. He was asking to see me less and less. A week went by without seeing him, and though it was difficult, I didn't say anything. Then, one day, I called him at work (first and only time; I hate bothering him at work) in the morning to ask for a phone number of a friend who was looking for a job in my field. I had a lead and could help this friend out. He answered, and said he was off to a meeting but would get back to me. I waited all day - all night - and no call. It wasn't like him, so I wondered what was going on, and finally called him close to midnight. I simply asked why he hadn't gotten back to me with the friend's phone number. He got really upset and said, "Look, I barely have time to eat lunch let alone check my phone at work! You're giving me pressure and I don't need it on top of the pressure I already have at work". I was taken aback by his response. All I was asking for was basic courtesy to return a phone call. It felt like he was blowing me off. So I said "Ok, look, I know you're stressed out with work right now and need some space. Why don't you call me when your project's over?" He said "Ok" and that was the end of the conversation. His deadline was September 8, two weeks away.


During the two weeks he called me twice. The first conversation was as usual; we just talked about our days and current events and what not. The second time he called, he left a vm. He said he had been insanely busy and couldn't wait for it to be over on Thursday. He was taking Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off, and "maybe we could meet for brunch or something over the weekend". It was strange that he'd only make time for me for brunch after we hadn't seen each other in so long.


That was the last I heard of him. He didn't call me that weekend. It has been another week since his deadline and although the writing is on the wall ("he's just not that into me" - ugh, I hate that phrase) for some reason I can't stop obsessing about him and wondering what happened. It makes me upset that he would just try to slink away like this instead of communicating with me. I haven't made a single attempt to contact him since.


On my good days I tell myself it is over, and since he showed no consideration for my feelings, he doesn't deserve another thought. On my bad days however (like today!) I keep wondering why, why, why...he was so smitten with me then, how can he suddenly act like I don't even exist? Maybe he just needs more space? I'm absolutely crushed. My chest feels tight and stomach turns whenever I think about him. Then I start wondering if I should've called him after his deadline to ask how his project went, and to take him up on his brunch offer. (I just waited him to call me again instead, since I assumed if he really wanted to see me he'd call.)


It takes all the will power I can muster to keep from calling/texting/emailing him. I obsess and fantasize about contacting him one last time to confirm things really are over between us, so that I can close this chapter and finally move on. Is that really such a bad idea?


Thanks for reading/listening! I'd very much appreciate your thoughts.

Link to comment

don't call him. He's used to you calling and texting and when you stop completely, he'll probably come around.


my guy did the same thing. life's short. move forward. If he comes around, great. If not, there's plenty of other guys who will treat you with respect no matter how busy they are.

Link to comment

Sorry, he's an ass. He got what he wanted, which is you in bed. He sounds like one of these high-powered executives who thinks the world revolves around him. Once he conquered you, he's onto the next.


I would truly forget about him. I'm sorry this happened to you, but remember he who cares the least holds the most power. So care less about him. Anyway sounds like he's married.

Link to comment

Going through the same with a girl myself.


She went all cold on me, said she has an illness, struggles to do anything with her daughter - But manages to go out and get pissed on Friday night.


We have hardly spoke since Friday, infact last she even text was Monday night, I text her Yesterday and she replied, agreed to ring me later so we can talk - Never got a call. Never got a text back.


Now, I wish I never text her Yesterday, but I, like you want to know if it's over, if she just wants time and space or what!


I keep wanting to send a text basically saying "forget it" but I keep thinking that's a bad idea!


I'm now just going to delete her number and forget about her, I think this is the best thing to do, although it's hard whe nyou still sit and wait for a text or call!

Link to comment

Initially you weren't interested in him and ignored his messages etc, that made you a challenge and he had to 'win' you. A successful executive dating a woman 16 yrs younger? IMO, he was using you as an ego boost to prove he still had it. Forget him and move on x


Diar, i read you story the other day, that woman is using you just ignore!!!

Link to comment

Funny. I happen to disagree with the other posters. I imagine after what you've shared, you feel like the least you deserve is an explanation about what happened and closure. Maybe you will be disappointed but at least you'll know! I find it interesting how relationships fall into that "power" game to see who can last longer with their "dignity" intact and how people give advice from that perspective. Are people so disgusting in real life that we always assume they "used" us? Though I understand your fear (fear of being rejected, fear of seeming vulnerable) I believe you're thoughts won't rest until you talk to him openly and confront him about his attitude. If in fact, he turns out to be a pig, well, it's the truth. But then you'll know it.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...