Learning to trust...

[krock]

Hey All,

 

I was wondering if anyone has any tips or suggestions on how to let go of suspicions and trust someone...

 

I have been in a few really unhealthy relationships in the past where I was constantly being lied. I'm not a very trusting person from the beginning but I've become almost used to assuming the worst in my partner.

 

That being said, I've been in a relationship for about 10 months (and we now live together) and even though my boyfriend has done pretty much nothing to make me distrustful of him I can't shake the feeling he's lying despite the fact that since we've been together there has only been one instance when I 'caught him in a lie' and it was over something small.

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any tips, suggestions, ideas on things I can do to let go of the insecure suspicions and just trust him. He's earned it... I just don't know how to give it...

[Saures]

I'm going to subscribe to this threat, I am also like you, and this would be very helpful, lets hope you get some good answers!!!!!

[blackhawks1287]

What kind of breaks are you taking in these relationships?

 

How long are these "bad" relationships and how long do you take to heal in between such relationships?

 

YES, I do need to know this information in order to give proper advice.

[krock]

I've had 2 long term relationships - both lasting around 3 years. I dated other people in between the long term relationships but never anything serious (and never slept with any of them or anything). There was about 8 months between the first and second long term relationship. There was only about a month between the last relationship and this one. I think you're probably on to something... perhaps more time to heal would have helped. On the other side of the coin though, I had emotionally and physically checked out of the relationship for a good 6 months before we broke up. I knew I wanted to break up and that it was over for me but I felt bad and breaking up was complicated (we had a lease together, etc).

[UniqueSoul]

im having the same issues. i had 2 long term relationships that ended awfully. they cheated on me with their exes...slept around..lied. and now my current boyfriend is wonderful and i cant seem to trust fully. i get so jealous and angry and scared. i am so over this feeling, but im NOT over it. i cant seem to trust. i cant seem to let go and be free.

[Melting]

My ex just broke up with me because he can't trust. (His ex wife cheated on him and also used him to get into the country)

 

No matter what I do or say it falls on deaf ears, it is very frustrating as I love this guy.

[UniqueSoul]

trust is so important in a relationship, yet it is the hardest level to master.

[Liraele]

This is tough, as I have this same issue myself. The biggest thing to remind yourself of is not to hold your current partner accountable for the mistakes of past partners, and judge him or her on their own merit. Easier said than done, but it is a helpful thing to remind yourself from time to time (or even daily).

 

If you dig and dig for something, or constantly mistrust, chances are you're going to find SOMETHING, even if that something is completely innocent - even things that are harmless can be misconstrued by a suspicious mind.

 

For me, it was just making a choice...either I trust you to some degree, and give you a chance to earn it all - and trust is always something you earn... or in my gut I know I 'can't' trust you, and let things go because of that. I've learned that (sometimes unfortunately) I have pretty good instincts even though I've been screwed over plenty of times and have become more suspicious over the course of time. The people that really deserve your trust are willing to earn it, and don't push for it. It sounds like your current partner is one of these.