NC Broke- ex flips out on me in public- help feeling better and back NC

[eden760]

Friends for four years and over the last year became involved. We were telling each other we loved each other. I ended it (even though I sensed he wanted to), because he could not commit to being exclusive, nor the BF/GF titles. I wasn’t angry at him, it just wasn’t what I wanted. He called me and listed all the things he thought were wrong with me- needy, clingy, demanding, unstable, etc.. I didn’t respond to his accusations. We were NC for 2 months, except every 10 days he would text “How are you” and I would respond fine.

 

In August, we saw each other for the first time and hooked up. All that good NC down the drain. Our contact over the last month was friendly in group settings. Except, we were at a concert and he told me drunk that he wasn’t sexually attracted to me out of nowhere and then made up a story that he had hooked up at the concert and a few hours later retracted it. Yet still I tried to remain friends.

 

Things have gotten worse. Last Tuesday he came over uninvited and we talked for an hour about nothing. I told him we should have a heart to heart, since we hadn’t since the “break up” and even that wasn’t in person. He gave me a big hug and agreed.

 

Then on Saturday, there was a party. We said hello and I told him about my Saturday. I asked how his was and he said he was with a lady all day. I don’t know why he would say that. He asked to play pool and buy me a drink and I declined both politely. He was wasted and stood behind me and gave me the finger . I said I was sorry If I did anything to get him angry or hurt him, but he needed to get his emotions in check. I couldn’t believe that three days earlier he was at my house chill as can be. He said that all of the people I had met though him over the last year thinks it is weird I am still friends with them, the only reason I am still friendly with people he introduced me to is because I want to be in his world and he screamed he was completely done with me and doesn’t want to hang out with me or be around me. I was shaking and tears filled my eyes. Friends came around me and then he came back at me and I told him to get the f away from me. If I wanted him back I would have just told him that and talked to him. Not created an evil plan to still be friends with people who live accross the street and in my neighborhood that he is friends with. I am in shock, I loved him and we were friends for years. Now I am the biggest crazy villain. He is 30 and has a large drinking problem, which may have to do with his perceptions of me.

 

All I want is NC. Even if I can’t go to places right by my house because we run in the same circle, I don’t even care. Should I block him on facebook and his calls? I don’t want him to run around sand say I am a baby by doing that, because it does seem immature.

 

Why would someone react like this? Has anyone ever had someone’s perception of you and your intentions be so far off the money? Have you had an ex be nice to you then days later hate you?

[abitbroken]

Gosh, yeah, block him on Facebook. Discover new places to hang out. For now, if you see him at a bar, go somewhere else. In time, you will be able to go to your old haunts but you need a break. Make new friends by trying new activities or invite some friends over to your house or our to dinner so the guest list is selected and its not whoever happens to be hanging around. Who cares if he says you are a baby. You need to move on. He didn' want to be exclusive, so you were right to end it. It could have been "well, we were friends and tried more and it didn't work" and you could be civil with eachother, or it could be a drag out break up. He is behaving very childishly and is not capable of the latter so you need to cut your ties. For now, don't hang out with or call the people who are his closest friends either if they are merely acquaintances or in the extended circle.

 

btw, if he has a drinking problem it will be easy to avoid him - go to the book group, hiking trail, coffee house, volunteer night, dessert bar, ice cream shop, ballroom dance night - he definitely won't be there.

[Lithp]

No, block him on Facebook and block his calls. It's not immature, it's what you need to do to be away from him. You need to be away from him because of the way he's been acting - has his behaviour not been immature? Don't worry about what he or others think about you for blocking a crazy ex out of your life. If he thinks that is immature, he should take a good long look in the mirror.

 

As for why he sees you like that, I don't know. When my boyfriend and I were together the first time, I used to tell him what I thought of him as a person and he would tell me I was way off, he was much better than that. I explained to him that this is the person he showed to me, and he could think differently all he'd like, but that is the 'him' that I knew. So is it possible that you had your part in it as well? I'm not saying you are, but maybe you were so taken with him that you didn't realize you were being needy or clingy. Other than that, I can't think of anything really but the guy sounds like he has major issues so I wouldn't be worried about his perception of me.

[camus154]

Why does everyone here think blocking ex's on Facebook is immature? It's friggin' FB! It doesn't matter!

 

If you think that's immature, go through these forums and pay attention to how much trouble FB causes between people going through break ups. It's positively evil.

 

Sorry, end rant against FB. Anyway, this guy sounds like he's spiraling out of control. Drinking probably has a LARGE role in that. Trust me, other people know this about him as well as you, so no one is likely to think anything if you were to block him. And even if they did, so what? Do their thoughts really matter?

 

Good luck.

[DerekJason]

Why does everyone here think blocking ex's on Facebook is immature? It's friggin' FB! It doesn't matter!

 

If you think that's immature, go through these forums and pay attention to how much trouble FB causes between people going through break ups. It's positively evil.

 

for real. im trying to get to that place where i can just delete mine.

[vanillacupcake]

Same age range here. My ex (whom I am reconciling with), has a drinking problem. He also lives down the street from me, and our mutual friends are in our neighborhood.

 

I did block him on Facebook, and it drove him crazy. Do it. Me and my ex are still not Facebook friends, because I think its best. I don't want either of us getting jealous or ideas in our heads from reading a wall. However, my ex broke NC after 4 days.

 

In my opinion, by doing NC, you are just proving you are definitely not a crazy villain. And stop contacting his friends.