What happened to our "bond"?

[Daisy11]

Okay so long story short, I went through a horrible break up about a year and a half ago when my ex-fiance' left me. Through all of it I leaned on my friends, family, a therapist and ENA to get me through it. One of those friends was my best guy friend, Justin. He lives only 3 miles away from me and is literally the closest friend/family member distance wise so he was the one that got the late night phone calls to "come over" when I was going through the worst of it.

 

Over the past year Justin and I would go to dinner or for drinks maybe once a month or every two months and talked on the phone about once a week or less. We became close, talked about everything under the sun and really built a great frienship together. Some might even say he was my best friend at the time. Well over the past 2.5 months we have taken our friendship a step further and have started a dating relationship. At first it was great to finally kiss him and go out with him on romantic dates and get to see him nearly every day or at least 4 times a week. I mean, what's better than dating your best friend, right?

 

Well now it feels like we aren't talking as much and he just wants to have sex. I mean every single time we are together that's what it feels like it's all about. I used to enjoy my sex life with past boyfriends, now it almost feels like a chore because I feel like that's all our relationship is. Before we started dating our frienship had no physical part to it what-so-ever so that wasn't a distraction at all. Now we went from one extreme to the other. How do I fix this?

[meoww]

I think you could invite him to out more, whether it's spending time with mutual friends, traveling, hiking, taking up a new hobby together, going to museums, etc...I went through something similar with a good friend after a break up but it didn't end well for me! We ended up doing a lot of fun stuff together actually but we never incorporated a normal, daily routine. I'd start feeling it out to see what his true intentions are in the relationship, you may find he really is more invested in the sex than anything else.

 

By the way, just because he was previously a friend does not mean he's not capable of disrespecting you. I found out the hard way! I let him get away with things because we built up so much trust from our past but that all ended up being moot.

 

From what I read from you, it just seems like you need to communicate better. I hope things work out for you, I don't think it is anything to be concerned about quite yet. Enjoy what you have!

[Daisy11]

That's what I'm afraid of.... that he's more invested in the sex than anything else. And yes, I think I'm so focused on how he helped me in the past and how we were friends for a few years and even better over this past year that I feel like he could never betray me. Now all of the sudden it's like there is no bond or friendship between us at all! It's a total switch from where we used to be. At least I feel this way. Part of me wonders if I'm just making something out of nothing, overreacting and I should relax about it all.......... what do you think?

 

Thanks for the tips though, I'll try to suggest we get out and do something fun like hiking or taking up a new hobby. That would be a lot of fun if we could find something we both enjoyed and start it together.... I'll have to think about that

[oldenoughtoknow]

I like meoww's suggestion. Go out and do things, date like things, where you can talk and enjoy each other outside of bed. As far as the seemingly sex only focus, I would guess the cause may be that he was thinking/fantasizing about being in a relationship with you for quite a while during your friendship. Now that it's progressed to more, he's like a kid in a candy store. I think this honeymoon period should subside after a while and you can settle into a more balanced relationship. If it doesn't, then I'd be worried.

[mactownman]

Dating friends is so risky. The rewards can be great, but the losses even greater.

 

I entered into a relationship with my best girl friend of almost 8 years. We had what I thought was a great relationship for almost 3 years. In the end, she betrayed me, completely disrespected me, and we havnt spoken in almost 6 months. I don't know if I will ever speak to her again.