travella Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 The other day I sent an non-emotional email to my ex asking for him to mail one of my things back. The email was very cut and dry...no mention of the breakup..just right to the point. I wrote: hope things are well, can you please do me a favor...etc We've been broken up for a month and I really needed to get this item back. It was not an excuse to talk to him. He replied right away and I can tell he was bothered by my non-chalant email. Why would it bother him? What was he expecting? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 He replied right away and I can tell he was bothered by my non-chalant email. Why would it bother him? What was he expecting? One of the reasons for NC is that it spares you this kind of no-win speculation, worrying and wondering. There are lots of reasons why he might be bothered by a nonchalant email - who knows? Although your email was not initially an excuse to talk to him, the way you are dealing with it now is causing you as much uncertainty as if it had been. I hope you get your item back quickly and without hassle. Then carry on with your life and live it to the full - without him! (((HUGS))) Link to comment
travella Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 He won't mail it back. Says he will be in town next week..so I can meet up with him or send someone to pick it up. I don't want to see him though, but don't want to be pathetic by sending my friend to get it. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 I don't want to see him though, but don't want to be pathetic by sending my friend to get it. That's not pathetic. It's for your own protection, and certainly what I'd be doing if I didn't want to see him! Link to comment
travella Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 What are the possible reasons why he would be bother by my cold email? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 What are the possible reasons why he would be bother by my cold email? He may have been going NC in his own way, getting on with his own life, and it came as a bolt from the blue; he may have read it as hostile; he may have thought it was rude; it might be a blow to his self-esteem that you're apparently not hankering after him; he might want to retain some kind of friendship/contact and a cold email would have told him this wasn't going to happen. I'm sure there are other possibilities, too. A cold email is the equivalent of being icily polite in person, and likely to elicit the same kind of responses. Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 You shouldn't you send a friend? If he broke up with you what could you possibly owe him? Why would it matter what he thought of you sending a friend instead. If it were me though I would go just to make sure I got my item but if it looked like he was trying to make excuses on trying to get me to stay and chat longer I'd make sure to tell him I'm meeting up with some friends and can't be late. I might even have a friend ring me on my cell so he would get the message that I really needed to go. Good Luck Link to comment
anegret Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Why would it bother him? What was he expecting? I did the exact same thing and, as I learned from my ex (I was the dumpee), his self esteem is in the basement, believed all these awful things about himself (his insecurities were what made him end it), and my nonchalant request for him to mail something confirmed his feelings of self-doubt, that indeed he was the cold-hearted bastard he believed himself to be. (Funny enough, my ex had said the exact same thing to me that yours said to you.) They're going through doubts about having ended the relationship, and they are confused when we handle it well. Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 I wondering why it bothers you, that it bothered him. Link to comment
travella Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 Anegret: Can you elaborate on what happened? Did your ex outright say that he had doubts? Just curious Link to comment
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