why did he want to leave when I refused to hook up?

[yellowjello]

ALL YOU NEED TO READ IS THE RED PART. THE BLACK IS DETAILED INFO THAT IS COMPLETELY OPTIONAL. THE RED IS THE BRIEF STORY.

 

The other day I went to go see my boyfriend. I got there a bit late and when I got there he said he had to go soon. He only had like 20 minutes to hang out.

He wanted to hook up. He was really horny because he hadn't gotten any since he last saw me (a week ago) and he pretty much already had a boner. I didn't really want to hook up and when I told him that he was kind of annoyed. He tried to convince me to at least get him off but I said no. He said he just wants to leave then.

I asked him to stay and hang out at least. He didn't want to. He basically would only stay to hook up.

 

I said he still has 15 minutes left, why can't he stay and be with me for those 15 minutes. I don't remember exactly what he said but all I know is he didn't want to. When I asked why he didn't want to, he talked about why he really needed to hook up. I kept asking why he needs to leave and I remember at one point he also said something about why would he want to waste his time sitting here and talking. I said "talking to me is a waste of time"? I don't remember what he said to that but it was something about the reason why he wants to hook up (since its been so long) or about how he needs to go.

 

Then I said I wanted to show him something, and I got out this pen and book that I wanted to show him. We talked about that for 15 minutes. Then the whole hooking up vs leaving thing started again. I sat on his lap and said just stay with me. He gave a really awkward smile and was smiling all bashful and asked why I'm acting like this. He looked at me and said I'm so pretty and I'm sitting on his d*** how can he not want to hook up with me I'm turning him on so much. He said since he stayed with me for the entire 20 minutes (which was now over), he will stay an extra 15 if we devote 10 of those to hooking up. He said I am lucky to even get the other 5.

 

I got up and said you know what if you don't want to hang out with me it's fine, I'll just drop you home. I started walking away, and he said "wait". I turned around. He said "It's only because it's been a week and I've been really horny all week thats all." and be basically tried to explain why he wanted to hook up so bad. I told him I understand why he wanted to hook up, I just don't get why he wanted to leave when I said no. He didn't really have an answer to that.

He told me to come back and started kissing me and being all nice. I gave in and just got him off.

 

But basically here is my question:

 

It is NOT the case that he is just using me for sex and doesn't care about me otherwise. If he ONLY wanted to hook up ALL THE TIME then that would be plausible. However we spend lots of time together all the time. We always hang out and we always talk for hours and he always asks me to do things with him like go shopping, go to the beach, spend time with him. We lay in bed and talk and cuddle. We talk on the phone for hours. He calls me every night. So this is NOT a relationship where he is only interested in sex.

 

So then I really don't understand why he wanted to leave. It made me FEEL like he is only interested in me for sex, and that really hurt my feelings. But I'm sure there is some other reason for his behaviour.

 

Maybe since he was really horny, he just didn't feel like hanging out. Maybe he was slightly annoyed that we couldn't hook up so he wasn't in the mood. Maybe since he had his hopes set on hooking up and didn't get that, he didn't really have an interest in doing anything else. If its any of those I will feel better.

 

So basically I am asking you to give me possible reasons why he wanted to leave. If you give me some reasons it will make me feel a lot better.

[camus154]

There's only one reason: he had a short window of time to hang out, he wanted to have sex during that window, and he got annoyed when you didn't want to.

[somethngwrng]

He was coming on to you and initiating sex after not seeing you for a while... and you flat out turned him down and did it in the end because you "gave in". He was probably annoyed and/or hurt that you were not interested. Whether his response was justified is another question.

[DN]

I can see why you got annoyed and he was certainly crass but frankly sitting on his lap like that was just plain teasing him and I think that was a fairly shabby trick to pull.

 

I think both of you didn't behave well.

[abitbroken]

I agree with Camus. If you didn't want to hook up, then you shouldn't have sat on his lap - that's torture. Some people actually like meeting up for quickies. Having long love making sessions and then mixing it up with some quickies once in awhile makes things interesting. I would have - if I didn't want to - would have said "not now, but what about..and given him a timeframe versus just sitting there talking knowing that its just killing him.

 

He needed to leave to go take care of it but didn't want to in your bathroom. or he felt rejected

[HeartGoesOn]

How often do you see each other where it's not all about sex?

[capilot]

He's a little child, denies his candy.

[Betweenthebars]

I'm going to disagree with everyone... This guy sounds like an ass. She's LUCKY to get five minutes with him after sex? I would be pretty insulted.

[Stay_home]

You said the relationship was beyond just sexual and that infact it was a fulfilling partnership, so why not a quickie? If you don't feel up to it that's one thing, but then to go and sit on his lap was just a tease. And teasing your boyfriend like that is a sure way to draw a wall in between you two.

[hexaemeron]

So basically, you sat on his lap and got him in the mood and then shut him down. And you're wondering why he left. Seriously?

[hrtlsngl7]

There's only one reason: he had a short window of time to hang out, he wanted to have sex during that window, and he got annoyed when you didn't want to.

 

I concur. Have done the same thing as well. Friends hang out. BFs & GFs hookup. Which is why I don't have female friends.

[HeroicFool]

Sure, he was a bit inconsiderate with things he said, but I can understand some of where he's coming from. He sounds like a typical young, horny guy. You go a week without sex or seeing your partner, and then you see her in all her sexy, hot glory.. you want to have sex! Even if you didn't sit on his lap, his entire BEING would have spent 20 minutes looking at you and desiring only 1 thing. That is torture. It's damn near impossible to concentrate when you're overly horny & stimulated.. you need to find relief. That meant either experiencing an orgasm with you, or having you away from him. Not that men are totally animals, but if you put a dog that's in heat next to a dog of the opposite sex, and then try to get him to ignore the other dog and perform tricks and be obedient, what do you thing would happen? Obviously you either let the dog go to town, or you get the other dog out of the room!