How to deal with verbal abuser.

[Miss Firecracker]

He does it because if he supported his son in dumping her for her being so abusive, he'd have to admit he is exactly the same person. This girl is like a mirror to him, so he's not evolved enough to own up for his own parenting mistakes and crappy behavior.

 

You see this pattern repeating a LOT in abusive homes. Same with addictions and infidelity. To the OP, this all seems pretty normal, and he's totally used to dealing with abusive people. Until he's ready to stand up for himself and make some hard and real changes, he'll continue to date and marry his Dad.

 

That's really scary.

[FutureRewind]

Hi OP

 

I've been off this site for a few years and have just rejoined.

 

This situation seems to contain a high level of codependence. I suggest you start there when doing your own research. It will help you to understand your motivations for staying.

 

I am codependent.. though well into my recovery. I will not lie to you.. it's hard. Read the book Codependent No More by Melody Beatty and check out Robert Burney's website and his book Dance of the Wounded Souls.

 

You can start now by setting clear boundaries and making an effort to enforce them rather than worrying about her feelings and changing her. Look after yourself first.

 

Simon.

[O-shen]

It sounds exactly like the situation i was in. My ex was abusive towards me, over the smallest of things. She didnt want to talk calmly and rationally about things to work towards a solution, she would rather start a yelling match, launching a personal attack on me.

Like you, i tried the whole " it hurts me very much when this happens etc etc" when she was calm, and like your partner, she knew what she did was wrong, and said she would try harder. Then in only a few weeks, it's all the same again. It would get to a point often, that it was so intense, and she was being so irrational and unreasonable and mean, i simply HAD to get away. I would try and walk away, and often she would just follow me, continuing to rant.

I loved her, and alot. So i just forgave her over and over. My self esteem and self worth were slowly destroyed. I tried everything i possibly could to get through to her, because when it was good, it was great, and we shared many dreams together. With no other real option apart from breaking up, i thought i would just wait and hope, that in time it would get better.........................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.............i waited for 8 years my friend, and nothing changed. Oh yeah, and she broke up with me, taking what little self worth i had left with her. Dont do the same.