Dating Exclusively

[hotnspicychikn]

Just wondering how long people date before becoming exclusive. I have always became exclusive with someone right away so this is all new to me. I hear a lot of people say they became exclusive right away. I know all situations/people are different but I am really curious to see if I am really that far out of the norm or what the norm even is lol. If you waited a while before becoming exclusive what were the reasons for waiting? Would appreciate any and all feedback.

[Fudgie]

It's different for everyone. I usually tend to become exclusive right away. Recently, a guy and I decided to get together soon and we both wanted exclusivity right away. So it works for me. Normally it's because I know the person for a while beforehand. This guy and I have been friends for years.

 

However, if you're meeting people to date right away, chances are, 1-2 dates can pass and you still are "getting to know each other". You may not want to make that commitment to someone that you're not even sure you're compatible with.

[arrakis77]

Right away is a little vague, but I will typically see someone for about 4-6 weeks (or 6-8 dates) before deciding if I want to be exclusive with them. I think some may avoid or delay it because they see "exclusivity" as a long-term commitment when it actually isn't.

 

To me, all it means is that I won't be flirting with or dating anyone else because I want to see where it goes with one person. It may last another month or a lifetime. In my opinion, in order to allow for real potential, I think you need that exclusive focus with one person. I also don't understand the point of casual dating, or dating without intent, so maybe I'm a minority.

[Daligal83]

I don't put any kind of time limit on it. If I feel comfortable enough with someone and that we have potential for something long-term and I no longer have an interest in seeing others, then that's when I'm ready. Doesn't matter if it takes a week or three months.

[Day_Walker]

It is just something that you have to feel out with each person, sometimes the situation is such where exclusivity just wont happen at that time. If exclusivity is something that youre interested in then go for it.

[hotnspicychikn]

well right away in my case was it went basically from a first date to living together within weeks. Never was a question about exclusive because it went so fast. Mistakes I am trying not to repeat again. I feel weird not being exclusive because I have never done it any other way but I am trying not to rush into things. I am going through a Divorce and I know most people here would tell me not even to date at all yet. I have been separated 6 months and the divorce will be final next month.

[RedDress]

Heh. I was just talking about this with a (male) friend last night. Were you eavesdropping? Hehe... Our conclusion was: "Don't have sex until you are exclusive and don't be exclusive until you're having sex"

 

The logic behind "don't have sex until you are exclusive" is pretty obvious. STDs and the like. Do you really want to casually date someone you are sleeping with? Mmm... some people do - but not me.

 

The logic behind "don't be exclusive before you have sex" is about not getting in too deep and committing to someone too much who is not all that into you.

 

In both cases, it's perfectly normal to take a while to get to know someone before jumping into the deep end...

 

Of course - I guess the above comments depend on your views on sex.

[Glowguy]

Heh. I was just talking about this with a (male) friend last night. Were you eavesdropping? Hehe... Our conclusion was: "Don't have sex until you are exclusive and don't be exclusive until you're having sex"

 

I know there aren't many hard and fast rules that apply to dating, but I have to say I rather like this one. Makes perfect sense to me.

[Daligal83]

I agree. It's always been my personal rule for myself not to have sex until I'm exclusive with someone. I just don't like the idea that we could sleep together and he may have had sex with another girl the night before. If it felt right in a certain situation to break that rule, then fine...but in general that has worked out pretty well for me.

[abitbroken]

Most of the time, I don't have to have the "are we exclusive" talk. It just works out that neither of is dating anyone else because we really like each other.

[Batya33]

Usually it was about a month or so and except for one serious relationship it was months before we had sex. The exception was a mistake - I think he agreed to be exclusive so that I would have sex with him. But it depends -when my now husband and I reconnected we went out as friends a few times over a three week period and then decided to get back together, exclusively, to see if it would work this time (meaning, marriage). We were long distance at that point so it would have made no sense to put in that time/effort with the distance if we weren't serious and exclusive.

 

When I wanted to wait it was because I only dated with marriage in mind and I didn't want to close off other options too soon before I knew if the person and I had long term potential. Especially in my 30s I didn't think it was wise to pass up opportunities to meet other men just because I had a few dates with a new person.

[Sambuca]

I tend to date exclusively from the beginning, mostly because I'm not interested in very many men. It takes me quite a while to find even one man that I want to date, never mind having 2-3 men at once! Also I usually know the guy before we start dating anyway, as I'm mainly attracted to personality and other things that you won't find out about until you know someone a little better, so I probably know him well enough to be sure that I want to be exclusive.

 

However I can see why people multi-date strangers and aren't exclusive with any of them. There's no reason why you'd want to be exclusive with a stranger until you know them better.